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“Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” ~ Ronald Reagan

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often spent with extended family—which can bring stress by itself. Add in the recent emotionally charged election and the divisiveness it’s caused, and this year’s holiday dinners have leveled up. 

In today’s political climate, people are moving away from politely expressing a differing view while respecting others’ opinions. Oftentimes, they’re not willing to keep the topic off the table, have an open discussion, or even remain civil. Where relationships might’ve been prioritized over political views in the past, lines have now been drawn in the sand. People have unfollowed others on social media, cancelled events, and shut down relationships with family and friends. 

It's not surprising that even the thought of coming together to share a meal can cause dread, tension, and anxiety over potential conflict. Even if you think you know someone well, you can’t always predict how they’ll react. And you can’t change them. But you can change the way you respond. Check out the strategies below to help you survive this year’s holiday dinners. 

Strategies to Survive Your Holiday Dinner

Strategies for What to Say to Avoid Political Conversation

• When you want to change the subject. “Can I interrupt? We need to talk about XYZ.” This approach changes the topic and gives you a way out. 

• When you want to disagree. “My opinion is different, but you make an interesting point.” This is a respectful way to disagree that also lets others feel heard. 

• When you need a break. “This isn’t something I want to talk about right now. Can we talk about X?” Most people will at least think about not pushing back once you’ve clearly stated you want to talk about something else. 

• When you feel uncomfortable. “For personal reasons, I’d rather not discuss this. Mind if we ditch this topic?” By being direct and honest, you can state your feelings without it being awkward.”

• When you’re stressed and need to shut a conversation down. “I respectfully disagree and think it would be best if we didn’t talk about it anymore.” This gives calm and respectful feedback while making your views clear.

• When someone gets emotional. “I see you feel strongly about this. I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?” When you say what’s happening for you personally, you can move forward in a way that’s respectful to both of you.

8 Strategies to Handle Conflict When It Arises

• Stay calm and civil. Getting angry, calling names, villainizing people, yelling, or arguing only escalates conflict. When you calmly respond to someone, they’re more likely to hear your viewpoint. 

• Agree to disagree. People see the same event from different viewpoints. Sometimes, it’s enough to acknowledge that it’s okay not to agree. 

• Separate people from their opinions. You can still care about and respect someone if their beliefs and choices differ from yours. 

• Acknowledge and validate both of your fears, anxieties, and anger, and focus on the relationship rather than the conflict.   

• Listen actively. Active listening communicates someone’s worth and helps you understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what they’re saying. Try to hear the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind their message so you can “walk a few blocks in their shoes.” 

• Know your message. If possible, consider your own emotions and thoughts before a conflict occurs. Decide how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles ahead of time so you’re prepared to respond in a calm, respectful manner. 

• Use defusing speech and body language. 

• Choose “I” instead of “you” statements. Focus on the actual conflict instead of how you’re reacting to it. (“I feel frustrated when you tell me what my opinion should be.”)

• Avoid triggers. Stay away from exaggerated words (always or never), emotionally charged words, and aggressive nonverbal language (crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, pointing a finger, getting into someone’s personal space).

Keep in Mind

If you’re the one who wants to talk politics, be sensitive, and respectful. Try saying, “I’d like to hear your thoughts on X. Is that something you’d be interested in discussing with me?” Asking for permission gives others the opportunity to participate or to opt out of a discussion.

You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. Remember to be the person you wish everyone else was. Show grace and compassion. Treat others the way you want to be treated. And if the tension becomes too much, it’s okay to walk away.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” ~ Ronald Reagan

Ahh, the holidays. We get to spend time with friends and family we may not see often. But according to actor and comedian George Burns, “Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family in another city.”

Family get-togethers would be easy if it weren’t for our families. As much as we love them, they’re often the people who can drive us on the shortest trip to crazy. While some of us long for extra time with our family, others dread those get-togethers. If the thought of a difficult family member gets your blood pressure rising, it’s time to accept the facts. You can’t change them. But you can change the way they affect you. 

Before your next family gathering sends you to binge out on carbs, try these tips. They’re more permanent—and more effective—than self-medicating, and they can help you experience the kind of holiday celebration we all hope for.

8 Tips to Survive Awkward Family Celebrations

1. Ask lots of questions. Prepare a list of safe topics in advance. People love to talk about themselves and their thoughts. The more questions you ask, the more you control the narrative. If you sense your Aunt Gertrude is getting dangerously close to asking about your love life—again—simply ask her to share about her first boyfriend. 

1. Tell a joke. Have a couple of corny “dad” jokes ready. When things get awkward, save the day with humor. Groans are better than heated stares. 

1. Let the children lead. Give them the stage. Younger kids can be brutally honest, yes. But most people are more amused than offended. Plus, Grandma and Grandpa usually can’t get enough of their grandkids anyway. 

1. Give a vague answer. When someone asks a too-personal question or offers an opinion about something that’s none of their business, simply say, “Maybe you’re right. It’s certainly something to think about.” Then change the topic to Aunt Mary’s delicious pumpkin pie. 

1. Play dumb. If someone is rude, pretend you didn’t notice. You can even act like you didn’t understand. You might say, “I’m sorry. I’m having trouble hearing you right now.” Then excuse yourself from the conversation. 

1. Agree with them. I know. Shocking solution. But you can always say something like, “Great question. I’ve wondered about that too.”

1. Thank them for their concern. “It means the world to me that you care. Really. Thank you so much for that.” Then change the subject.

1. Ignore the behavior. If the awkwardness stems from Grandpa’s teeth clicking or Cousin Earl’s bad breath, pretend you don’t notice. It’s just for a little while, and you only see them once or twice a year. The polite thing to do is overlook these idiosyncrasies and focus on the things you appreciate about the unique, motley crew you call family.

While some situations can be handled with a joke or comment, others may be more toxic. Preparation is key for knowing how to handle tough circumstances with family.

8 Tips to Survive Difficult Family Members:

According to popular music, Hallmark movies, and holiday greeting cards, this time of year is filled with peace, joy, and good tidings. But for many who have lost a loved one, that picture isn’t entirely accurate. Instead of joy, we feel sadness. Instead of peace, we feel anxiety. If you or someone you know is coping with loss this season, it’s important to remember that healing is a process. With significant loss, grief may always be present. However, it does dull with time as we learn to do life in new ways without that person.

If you’ve recently (or perhaps not so recently) experienced a significant loss, consider the following as you navigate the holidays: 

• Set boundaries. It's okay to not want to be around happy, festive people. Watching others carry on with their lives can be especially hard. If needed, feel free to turn down invitations. Thank people for their offers but tell them you’d rather celebrate alone this year. 
• Decorate as much or as little as you want. If putting up the tree makes you feel close to your loved one, do it. If stringing lights makes your grief more intense, don’t. You have a right to deal with the holidays in ways that feel right to you. 
• Make a plan. If you celebrate with others, drive yourself so you can leave when you’re ready, or ask a trusted friend or family member to drive you with that plan in mind. 
• Cry. Or laugh at old times. Whatever you do, let yourself feel what you feel and be okay with it. Don’t be afraid of the intense emotions that surface during this time. They’re part of the healing process. 
• Honor your loved one. Carry on their favorite holiday tradition or donate to a charity in their name. Do something to show yourself—and the world—that this person you loved is not forgotten. 
• Change it up. If doing the same things you did with your loved one makes you sad, it’s okay to come up with new traditions. Take a trip or make a new dish you’ve wanted to try. If there’s something you always wanted to do but your loved one wasn’t on board, consider doing it now.
• Volunteer. One of the quickest ways to get past our own pain is to reach out to others who are hurting. Bake a cake for a sick friend. Put in some time at a local food bank. It will get your mind off your grief, make you feel better, and bless others in the process.  
• Write a letter to your loved one. Let them know how you feel and how you’re managing without them. Just writing it down will help with the grief process. 
• Consider the young ones. Many holiday traditions are centered around children. Think about how they may feel if you don’t participate. Keep yourself in their lives, even if just for a few of the celebrations and traditions. 
• Reach out. Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for help dealing with your grief. Most people want to be there for you, but they don’t know how. Tell them, and it may help with their own grieving process. 

If someone you know has lost a loved one, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. Below are some things to keep in mind as you show your support:  

• Offer, but don’t insist. Ask the person to join you at holiday gatherings but be understanding if the answer is no. Give an open invitation, and don’t be surprised if they change their mind at the last minute. They may initially accept and then back out. Or they may say no, only to decide later they want to take part.
• Listen without judgment. Everyone grieves differently. Be supportive, but don’t offer advice or platitudes. Don’t say, “At least he’s not in pain anymore,” or any variation of that. When someone is grieving, they just want their person back. Let them feel their grief. 
• Send a special card. For your grieving friend, you might forgo the traditional smiling family photo card and send a more subdued and sensitive message instead. 
• Commit. After the funeral is over and the casserole dishes are returned, many friends disappear. But the months after a death can be long and lonely. Check on your friend often, over a long period of time. 
• Donate in honor of the lost person, and let your friend know you’ve done so.

Remember that grief doesn’t just happen that first holiday season after a person is gone. Sometimes, holidays are a little sad for many years to come. However, the load does lighten with time. Though you will always long for that person in your holiday celebrations, you will eventually learn to laugh, love, and enjoy life without them. Hang in there. It really does get better. And, if needed, you can always reach out to a therapist for help.

“There are certain words you and your dying loved one should exchange while you can.” ~ Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well.

Mary never tells her dad she loves him. Rick has said some things to his wife he wished he hadn’t. June and her sister have never gotten along. Nina’s carrying around guilt over something that happened between her and her best friend. Mary, Rick, June, and Nina all have one thing in common. They’re going to lose a person they love. And they’re not ready.      

While no one would choose a terminal diagnosis for someone they love, a drawn-out death offers what a sudden death cannot—time to say goodbye. There’s no doubt these conversations may be some of the hardest you’ll ever have. But deciding to have them anyway can bring peace and closure to you and the dying person and leave you both without regrets.  

What to Expect Near the End 

As you start thinking about losing someone you love, knowing what to expect can take away some fear of the unknown. It can also give you a rough idea of how much time you have left to say goodbye. 

When someone moves into what doctors call “actively dying” and has no medical intervention, they go through 3 stages of death. The process can last as little as 24 hours or longer than 14 days. 

The stages can look like this: 

Early stage: 

• can no longer get out of bed
• doesn’t want to or can’t eat and drink
• sleeps a lot
• has delirium (confusion, hallucinations, restlessness, short attention span)

Middle stage: 

• sleeps most of the time
• harder to wake up 
• can’t swallow
• has a “death rattle” sound when breathing  

Late stage: 

• can fall into a coma 
• may run a fever 
• has irregular breathing; sometimes stops breathing 
• arms and legs can look mottled or blotchy  

Why You Need to Say Goodbye to Your Loved One

When someone dies unexpectedly, you may struggle with regrets over what you said or didn’t say and what you did or didn’t do. With a terminal diagnosis, that doesn’t have to happen. You have an opportunity to end things between you and the dying person the way you’d both like. 

Here are some things you might want to do:   

• talk through unresolved issues or conflicts 
• make amends for something you might’ve done 
• let go of resentments you’re holding against them
• work to heal any old wounds either of you is hanging onto 
• bring up good memories you share
• share your appreciation for who they were to you and the impact they had on your life

Dr. Ira Byock wrote a book called Dying Well. As a hospice advocate, he believes there are certain words you and your dying loved one should exchange while you can.  

These are some things you might want to say: 

• I love you
• I forgive you
• Forgive me
• Thank you
• Goodbye

Why Your Loved One Needs to Hear You Say Goodbye to Them

Sometimes, a dying person will cling to life when they believe the people who love them aren’t ready for them to go. They may also be afraid or struggle with what they’re leaving behind or what they’re about to face. Reassuring them can bring the relief and release they need. It can also bring you both comfort. 

Here are some things a dying person might need to hear:

• It’s okay to go when you’re ready.
• Don’t be afraid.
• I’ll be all right without you.
• I’ll take care of the things you’re worried about leaving behind.

The chance to say goodbye is a gift. Moving forward with no regrets after your loved one’s death is also a gift. You’ll never be sorry for using the time you have left with them to work things out, say what needs to be said, or tell them how much they mean to you.

Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.

WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE

Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction. 

Consider the following:

• What is the specific behavior?
• How do you feel about it?
• What is your personality type? Your child’s?
• Why do you think they’re behaving this way?
• Where is the behavior occurring? Who is there,when it happens?
• Is  anything  impacting  or  preventing  your response to it?

ACTION STEPS

Positive  discipline  trains  children  to  behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:

 ✓  Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.

✓ Control  yourself  –  Children  watch  their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.

✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.

✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.

✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.

✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.

✓ Rewards   –  Incentives  can  be  powerful motivators for positive behavior.

✓  Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.

✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding  and  attention  is  the  best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.

KEEP IN MIND

Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time,  consistency  and  patience.  Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Humans can become addicted to many different behaviors including  gambling and gaming. Many people are able to gamble and engage in gaming apps with little to no lasting effects. However, others find the thrill of gaming and gambling addictive and return to it time and again despite incurring great costs in terms of their relationships, financial security and general well-being

Bingo, lottery tickets, casino games, online poker, going to the racetrack and even engaging in online gaming apps are all examples of this type of addictive behavior. Clearly, not everyone who gambles or games becomes  addicted.  There  is  no  easy  formula for determining who develops an addiction to gambling or gaming.  Studies have indicated, however, that it is a combination of environmental, genetic, behavioral and biological factors.

DETERMINING A GAMBLING or GAMING PROBLEM

As  outlined  in  The  Diagnostic  and  Statistical Manual  of  Mental  Disorders  (5th  ed.;  DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013), Gambling Disorder is similar to substance-related disorders in nature, presentation and treatment. While the following list of signs indicates the potential for gambling problems consider its application to issues associated with excessive computer gaming as well:

• Needs to gamble with increasing amounts of money to achieve the desired excitement
• Restlessness or irritability when attempting to cut down or stop gambling
• Repeated  unsuccessful  efforts  to  control gambling
• Often preoccupied with gambling
• Often gambles when feeling distressed (e.g., helpless, guilty, anxious, depressed)
• After losing money gambling, often returns to gamble again as a way to recover losses
• Lies to conceal the extent of gambling
• Jeopardized  or lost  a  relationship,  job,  or educational  or  career  opportunity  due  to gambling
• Relies on others to provide money to relieve desperate  financial  situations  caused  by gambling

ACCESS AND IMPACT

Gambling and gaming addictions are more prevalent than ever before because people have constant access to the thrill of the behavior through the Internet. Like any  addiction,  compulsive  gambling  and gaming affects all  aspects  of  life  including  physical  health, relationships, finances and well-being.

ACTION STEPS

If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling or excessive gaming consider the following:

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider.

✓ Alternatively meet with a counselor or other provider experienced in treating addictions.

✓ Complete an honest appraisal of your gambling or gaming behavior.

✓  Identify  the  triggers  in  your  life  that compel you to pursue gambling or gaming

✓ Make a list of the current stressors in your life.

✓ Consider and write down questions you might have for your care provider.

✓  Share the information you have compiled with your care provider.

✓ Inquire as to what treatment options are available.

✓  Inquire about available community resources and support groups.

KEEP IN MIND

Determination and will power are often not powerful enough to overcome the gambling and gaming  impulse,  and  you  are  not  alone  in  this struggle. Help is available, along with the hope of a better life. Consider reaching out to your health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Marijuana, also known as weed, pot, grass, and Mary Jane, marijuana consists of various parts of the hemp plant known as Cannabis sativa . Within the hemp plant is a mind-altering chemical known as THC. It can be smoked, inhaled with a vaporizer, or mixed into foods or liquids. Mostly used recreationally, marijuana is known to induce a relaxed state.

MEDICINAL BENEFITS

Teens who frequently use marijuana could suffer damage  in  brain  functions,  particularly  with memory, thinking, and learning. The results may be long-term or even permanent.

Marijuana Effects:

• Short-term Effects - altered senses, increased heart rate, impaired movement, mood changes, memory and problem-solving difficulties.
  
  
• Long-term  Effects  –  depression,  anxiety, suicidal thoughts, breathing problems, paranoia, and hallucinations.

Heavy  marijuana users report lower life satisfaction, poorer mental and physical health, more relationship problems, and less success in life and school.

TREATMENT OPTIONS

The scientific data for marijuana as a treatment for  many  medical  conditions  is  ongoing.  The use of marijuana for some health issues such as chronic pain, multiple sclerosis, and glaucoma is being studied. Consideration is also being given to the use of Marijuana to treat many other disorders and diseases.

YOUTH AND MARIJUANA USE

Adolescents and young people who recreationally or habitually use marijuana increase their chances of long-term consequences. Because their brain is still developing, the risk factors are much higher.

 Addiction occurs in roughly 9% of all marijuana users, jumping to 17% in adolescents. Attempting to  quit  can  produce  withdrawal  symptoms of  irritability,  difficult  sleeping,  anxiety,  and decrease in appetite.

While there is currently no medication available to treat a marijuana addiction, there are multiple therapies available. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help users increase their self-control, stop altogether, and address the problems caused by heavy drug use. Motivational enhancement therapy encourages users to create internally motivated changes to counter drug use.

ACTION STEPS

✓ Seek help – Be open with your doctor or counselor  about  your  marijuana  habits. They can help you personalize a plan for change.

✓  Hydrate – Be sure to drink plenty of water. Reduce your caffeine intake until any altered sleep patterns normalize.

✓  Exercise – Physical activity helps alleviate depressive symptoms and promotes good health.  Exercise  also  aids  your  body’s healing process.

✓  Avoid triggers – Places and people that encourage your marijuana use shouldn’t be tolerated. Surround yourself with those who respect your choice to stop using.

✓  Find support – There are a variety of 12- step programs and support groups available to help you on your journey.

KEEP IN MIND

Marijuana addiction, along with any substance use issue, doesn’t need to write your life story. Be courageous and seek help for a healthy, new start on life. There are ample resources available to live an addiction-free life.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Time to take a look at how you or someone you love is using alcohol and/or drugs? What we put into our body matters. Substances like drugs and alcohol have a huge impact on our brain and activate its reward system. Often people try to replicate that feeling of being high or intoxicated despite ever-increasing personal loss and suffering.

On a typical day, do you have 2 or more drinks?

Is it difficult to stop drinking once you start?

Do responsibilities at work or home go undone because of drinking?

Have  you  forgotten  events  due  to drinking?

Do you ever need a drink in the morning?

Has  anyone  expressed  concern  about your alcohol consumption?

Do you wrestle with guilt after you drink?

SUBSTANCE ABUSE INDICATORS

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) lists the criteria needed to be diagnosed with a substance use disorder.  Some of the hallmarks identified in this list include: craving, drinking or using more than intended. Clinicians highlight two benchmarks for determining a substance use disorder, tolerance and withdrawal. Your answers to the questions below will provide an indication as to whether or not you might be experiencing a substance use disorder.

Have you ever used drugs for other than medical reasons?

Do you need drugs to make it through your week?

Have you ever abused more than one drug at a time?

Do you struggle with guilt about your drug use?

Have  you  neglected  family  or  work because of drugs?

Have you engaged in illegal activities to get drugs?

Do you feel withdrawal symptoms if you stop using?

Has  anyone  expressed  concern  about your drug usage?

ACTION STEPS

Knowing where to start is often the hardest part in any recovery journey. These suggestions can help you begin the treatment process:

✓ Take an honest look at the problems drinking or drug use are causing in your life.

✓  Schedule  a  visit  with  your  primary  care provider to explore treatment options.

✓  Ask   for   help   from   friends,   family   and community resources.

✓ Access  peer  support  resources  such  as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics

Anonymous.

KEEP IN MIND

If you or someone you know struggles with alcohol or drug use, be courageous and seek help.  Consider  reaching  out  to  your  health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

 Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Having 4-5 drinks within a two hour time span is binge drinking and it can be deadly. One in six Americans drinks to excess, or binge drinks, at least four times per month. Binge drinking occurs when an individual’s drinking pattern causes their blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to be 0.08 percent or higher. In common terms, this equates to roughly five drinks for a man and four drinks for a woman within a two-hour span.

THE DAMAGE OF BINGE DRINKING

It’s no secret that excessive alcohol can negatively impact our lives. Drinking alcohol can affect our physical, emotional, and mental health. It can alter our sense of balance, decision-making abilities, alcohol   consumption   changes   your   brain’s chemical balance and nerve tracks associated with the experience of pleasure and judgment. The  ability  to  exercise  control  over  your behavior becomes severely distorted.   These chemical changes cause you to crave alcohol to feel good or alleviate negative emotions.

There are several questions to signal if you or a loved one is struggling with binge drinking. Answering yes to one or more of these questions might be a warning sign to seek help.

Do you wrestle with guilt about drinking too much? 

Do you feel you need to reduce your drinking?

Are you surprised when you drink more than you intended?

Do you ever have four or more drinks in one day?

Do you forget conversations or events that happened while you were drinking?

Are you frustrated by others’ comments on how much you drink?

Does   drinking   come   before   other responsibilities?

Binge drinking affects memory and a variety of other brain and body functions, and is often associated with social and relational consequences such as car accidents, domestic violence, sexually transmitted diseases, and  unintended  pregnancies.  The  short-term physical effects of binge drinking include nausea, hangovers,  memory  loss,  alcohol  poisoning, and personal injury. Long-term potential consequences can include brain or liver damage, high  blood  pressure,  cardiovascular  disease, depression,  cancer,  and  relational  and  work problems.

 ACTION STEPS

Making  the  choice  to  reduce  or  eliminate drinking is a powerful step. The following tips will help you navigate through the process:

✓  Take an honest inventory of your life, how much you drink and the consequences.

✓  Take a look at where and when you binge drink and consider avoiding these situations.

✓ Reduce the amount you consume at one time and delay having another drink.

✓ Intersperse   non-alcoholic   beverages   like soda or quinine water.

✓ Talk with your health care providers about treatment options.

✓  Seek out individual counseling or support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous.

KEEP IN MIND

There  are  numerous  benefits  to  reducing your alcohol consumption. Most importantly, changing excessive drinking habits allows you to once again take control of your life.  You’re not alone, and help is available. Consider reaching out to your health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

When it comes to the risk of prescription drug abuse, everyone is susceptible. Especially common among young people, an estimated 52 million have taken prescription drugs for a nonmedical reason at least once. After marijuana and alcohol, prescription medications are the most abused substances in the U.S.

THE CYCLE OF PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSE

People  misuse  prescription  drugs  for  many reasons. Social pressures, stress relief, and the need to be alert for work and school are common motivations. Because these medications activate the  brain’s  reward  center,  you  can  become addicted easily and continue using them despite serious consequences.

COMMONLY ABUSED PRESCRIPTION DRUGS AND SYMPTOMS

Painkillers

• Can include opioids, or painkillers, such as oxycodone   (Oxycontin)   and   hydrocodone (Vicodin).
• Symptoms   of   abuse   include   sweating, confusion,  slowed  breathing,  lower  blood pressure, poor coordination, and depression.
• A  person  abusing  opioids  is  at  risk  for choking, dangerously low blood pressure and breathing rate, and inducing a coma.

• Can include Methylphenidate (Ritalin), used to treat ADHD and sleep disorders.
• Symptoms of abuse include dizziness, poor judgment, rapid eye movement, drowsiness, and imbalance.
• Abusing stimulants places one at risk for heart   problems,   seizures,   paranoia,   and hallucinations.

Sedatives

• Can include Alprazolam (Xanax) or Zolpidem (Ambien), which are prescribed for anxiety and sleep disorders.
• Symptoms of sedative abuse include restlessness, irregular heartbeat, insomnia, high blood pressure, irritability, and weight loss.
• When sedatives are abused, a person is at risk for memory loss. Overdose can lead to a coma or death.

RISKS AND CONSEQUENCES

Prescription drug abuse is highest among young adults; however, older people taking multiple medications are also at risk. Besides physical symptoms, the consequences of  prescription  drug  abuse  are  severe.  Car accidents, criminal actions, illegal drug use, decreased performance at work or school, and relational problems are all common effects of misusing prescription medications. Judgment is often seriously impaired.

ACTION STEPS

✓  Schedule a visit with your primary care provider to discuss treatment options.

✓  Follow primary care provider’s treatment recommendations, which may involve detox.

✓ Consider participating in a recovery or peer support program.

✓ Enlist the support of family and friends and be accountable to them for recovery.

✓ Explore  the  root  causes  of  prescription drug abuse such as when and why it started.

KEEP IN MIND

You’re not alone, and help is available. Consider reaching out to your health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

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Did you know you could have a drinking problem without being an alcoholic? You might not be completely dependent on alcohol, but if you still drink excessively, it can lead to serious problems.  About 17 million U.S. adults have an Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), as well as about 3.4% of teens.

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

In the U.S., a standard drink contains 0.6 fluid ounces of pure alcohol. This translates to:

• 12 oz. of beer (5% alcohol content)
• 8 oz. malt liquor (7% alcohol content)
• 5 oz. wine (12% alcohol content)
• 1.5 oz. 80-proof distilled spirits or liquor (40% alcohol content)

Moderate drinking is defined as no more than one drink per day for women and two for men. For some people, it’s advised to avoid alcohol completely. These include those who are:

• Pregnant or trying to become pregnant
• Taking prescription drugs that shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol
• Younger than 21-years-old
• Recovering from alcoholism
• Experiencing  a  medical  condition  possibly affected by alcohol
• Planning to drive or complete other activities requiring alertness

 ALCOHOL’S EFFECTS

There are both short and long-term effects of excessive drinking and intoxication.   Lowered inhibitions and interference with speech and muscle coordination are some of the short-term effects. Heavy binge drinking may impair your memory or even cause a coma or death.  The effects of long-term excessive drinking include digestive   problems,   difficulty   with   sexual functioning,   heart   problems,   liver   disease, neurological problems, and an increased risk of cancer.

SIGNS OF ALCOHOLISM

People who regularly binge drink or begin at an early age are at a high risk for alcoholism. Those with a family history of substance abuse and people who have a mental illness are also at risk. In addition, look for the following signs that indicate alcoholism:

• Strong compulsions to drink
• Inability to limit alcohol intake
• Developing  an  alcohol  tolerance  (drinking more to feel the same effects)
• Hiding drinking habits from others
• Experiencing physical withdrawal symptoms
• Inability   to   remember   conversations or events while drunk, known as “blackouts”
• Relationship, employment, or financial problems due to drinking
• Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities

ACTION STEPS

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider.

✓ Provide your doctor with an honest and forthright report of your alcohol use.

✓ Recognize you may need to be admitted to rehab to completely detox.

✓  Seek   out   individual   counseling   from professionals specializing in addictions.

✓ Participate  in  support  groups  such  as Alcoholics Anonymous.

✓ Make lifestyle changes to support reduced alcohol use or abstinence.

✓  Enlist the support of friends and family who are not also dependent on alcohol.

KEEP IN MIND

Alcoholism  and  excessive  drinking  is  not something to take lightly. If you or someone you know struggles with this, be courageous and seek help. Consider reaching out to your health  care  provider  and  engaging  other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

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Everyone has ups and downs in life, but some people experience a disorder which disrupts their work, school, and/or relationships. Bipolar disorder is a mental illness that impacts your mood, energy levels, and ability to complete daily tasks.

BIPOLAR CAUSES

There is no single cause for bipolar disorder. Research  suggests  that  genetic  components, family history, and a person’s environment are all factors.

• Manic episodes – These occur when a person is overly excited and full of energy.  Common manic episode symptoms are:
  
  
• Talking  very  quickly  and   experiencing racing thoughts
• Being easily distracted
• Feeling irritable
• Increasing activities despite a decreased need of sleep
• Acting impulsively or engaging in high-risk behaviors
• Believing  unrealistic  or  grandiose  ideas about your abilities
  
  
• Depressive episodes – During a depressive episode,  a  person  feels  sad  or  hopeless. Activities  that  once  brought  pleasure  are now unappealing.  Other depressive episode symptoms are:
  
  
• Lacking energy
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Experiencing changes in sleep and eating habits
• Contemplating or attempting suicide

TYPES OF BIPOLAR DISORDER

No one experiences bipolar disorder exactly the same way, but there are two main classifications, Bipolar  I  and  Bipolar  II,  as  identified  in  the Diagnostic  and  Statistical  Manual  of  Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

TREATMENT OPTIONS

Bipolar  disorder  is  an  absolutely  treatable condition.  A  combination  of  medication  and psychotherapy works well for many coping with the diagnosis.

ACTION STEPS

If you or a loved one is showing signs of bipolar tendencies, know you’re not alone. The following tips will help guide you or your loved one toward help.

For a loved one:

✓ Be there and offer support in any way you can.

✓  Take time to listen and give them your full attention.

✓ Encourage  them  to  seek  treatment  and consider going with them.

✓ Observe  their  behavior  and  never  ignore signs indicating suicidal thoughts.

For yourself:

✓  Learn about the warning signs and symptoms of depression and mania.

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider. 

✓  Talk with your health care providers about treatment options.

✓ Adhere   to   medication   and   treatment regimens prescribed by your doctor.

✓  Practice   self-care   by   eating   healthy, exercising regularly, and getting rest.

✓ Be patient with yourself, treatment plans take time.

If you’re feeling suicidal, don’t hesitate to call 911, or go to an urgent care center or hospital emergency room for immediate assistance.

KEEP IN MIND

You’re   not   alone,   and   help   is   available. Consider reaching out to your health care provider   and   engaging   other   counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

What steps will you take today to be well and live life more fully?

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Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects millions of children. However, it’s not just kids who live with ADHD; an estimated eight to nine million adults in the United States (roughly 4.4%) are diagnosed with it. There are three different types of ADHD: Complete, Predominately Inattentive, and  Hyperactive-Impulsive.  Often  the  term “ADD” is used as a catchall for all three subtypes.

Three core characteristics are used to identify ADHD:

• Distractibility   (unable   to   give   sustained attention to a task)
• Impulsivity (unable to delay gratification)
• Hyperactivity (unable to be still - a physical restlessness)

Just because you experience these behaviors doesn’t mean you have ADHD. These must be sustained characteristics creating difficulty in at least two areas of life such as school, work, home, and relationships.

SYMPTOMS OF ADHD

Different people experience ADHD in different ways.  One-third of diagnosed individuals don’t experience  any  hyperactive  behavior.  Others struggle with distractibility symptoms.

Distractibility Symptoms:

• Fails to give attention to details
• Has difficulty paying attention during tasks or play
• Doesn’t appear to listen when spoken to directly
• Struggles with organizing tasks and activities
• Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort
• Fails to follow through on instructions or complete tasks
• Loses toys, assignments, pencils, books, or other tools needed for tasks
• Frequently forgetful in daily activities Hyperactivity Symptoms:
• Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
• Leaves seat when it’s expected for them to remain seated
• Runs  around  or  climbs  in  inappropriate situations
• Has problems playing or working quietly
• Acts as if “driven by a motor,” and is often “on the go”
• Talks excessively Impulsivity Symptoms:
• Blurts out answers before questions are even completed
• Shows difficulty waiting their turn
• Interrupts or intrudes on others (interferes with conversations or games)

ADHD CAUSES AND TREATMENT

Evidence  suggests  ADHD  runs  in  families, usually begins in childhood, and occurs more in boys than girls.

ADHD is a treatable illness. The most effective options are a combination of medication and counseling. A physician will typically prescribe a stimulant, which has proven effective for many people.

ACTION STEPS

If you or a loved one relate to these symptoms, there are services in place to help you. Federal legislation recognizes ADHD as a disability; therefore, reasonable accommodations can be made in the workplace or school.

If you think you have ADHD:

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider.

✓ Talk with your health care providers about treatment options.

✓ Adhere   to   medication   and   treatment regimens prescribed by your doctor.

✓  Ask your physician to suggest a professional specializing in ADHD.

✓  Seek out individual counseling or support groups.

KEEP IN MIND

You’re  not  alone,  and  help  is  available. Consider reaching out to your health care provider   and   engaging   other   counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

What steps will you take today to be well and live life more fully?

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

The chance of experiencing loss in your lifetime is 100 percent. Everyone encounters significant loss at some point, and grief is the emotional reaction to that loss. Whether you face the death of a beloved family member or pet, see a marriage or job crumble, or watch your health or finances diminish, some level of grieving will occur.

Grief is both universal and unique in its nature. Two people experiencing the same loss might react   very   differently   depending   on   their relationship to whom or what is being grieved.

It’s not uncommon to experience sleeplessness, weight  loss  or  gain,  or  a  weakened  immune system. Chronic illnesses may become worse due to the stress of grieving.  Emotional responses may range from anger, sadness, guilt, fear, or anxiety to moments of relief, peace, or even happiness.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

While  there  is  no  normal  or  expected  grief response, there are five common stages, observed by  psychiatrist  Elisabeth  Kübler-Ross,  through which many people walk. These stages include:

1. Denial - Disbelieving the current reality as a way of coping with overwhelming facts.
2. Anger - Initial emotional reaction to awareness of loss.
3. Bargaining - Adjusting to loss through use of negotiation, compromise, or resolutions.
4. Depression   -   Overwhelming   feelings   of helplessness and hopelessness.
5. Acceptance - Coming to terms with the loss; sadness begins to give way to hope.

COMMON MYTHS ABOUT GRIEF

No two individuals will follow the same grief path or timetable. Grieving is an intensely personal experience, and no one should determine what is grief-worthy for another. There is no “normal” or standard protocol that fits everyone. Here are some other common misconceptions:

• If you just ignore the loss, the pain will go away.
• It’s important for you to stay strong at all times.
• Tears are directly proportionate to the level of your loss.
• After one year, you should be completely over all aspects of your loss. 

ACTION STEPS

There are many useful ways to move from a place of grief to a life of healing and hope.

✓  Talking  about  the  loss  with  family  and friends can aid healing.

✓  Emotional  reactions  of  all  sorts  (anger, sadness, bitterness, envy) are normal.

✓  Give yourself permission to experience a wide range of emotions and not feel guilty.

✓  Take care of yourself with good nutrition, exercise and rest.

✓  Avoid relying on caffeine, alcohol or other drugs as a means of self-medicating.

KEEP IN MIND

Coping with  grief and  loss  takes  time  and involves learning to live with the loss without being consumed by it.  Consider reaching out to your health  care  provider and  engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

What steps will you take today to help yourself heal and recover?

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Anxiety   disorders   affect   over   40   million Americans,   interfering   with   daily   activities. Many of these disorders involve panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of intense terror that peak quickly.

ANXIETY DISORDER SYMPTOMS

Experiencing  anxiety  for  a  short  period,  such as before a big exam or a major event, doesn’t necessarily mean you have an anxiety disorder. You  must  be  symptomatic  for  a  minimum  of six months. The following are common anxiety disorder symptoms:

• A sense of danger or panic
• Increased heart rate
• Feeling nervous or powerless
• Rapid breathing or hyperventilation
• Feeling tired
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Difficulty concentrating

TYPES OF ANXIETY DISORDERS

There are several types of anxiety disorders and each person experiences the disorder somewhat differently. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) classifies the most common forms of anxiety disorders as follows:

• Separation Anxiety Disorder occurs when a child feels extreme anxiety due to a parent’s absence.
  
  
• Social Anxiety Disorder describes someone feeling intense anxiety in social situations. These  emotions  are  triggered  by  fear  of embarrassment or self-consciousness about how others view them.
  
  
• Panic Disorder involves experiencing repeated   instances   of   intense   terror, resulting in panic attacks.
  
  
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) affects  people  with  persistent,  upsetting thoughts called obsessions.
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder involves experiencing consistent and excessive worry about events, health, relationships, work, etc.
  
  
• Agoraphobia occurs when a person feels anxiety and thus avoids locations where they might feel trapped or out of control.
  
  
• Specific phobias can prompt a panic attack. Typically, a person tries to avoid a particular situation or object related to the phobia.

ACTION STEPS

Diagnosing and living with an anxiety disorder is a journey. However, these helpful first steps can guide you along the way:

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider.

✓ Talk with your health care providers about treatment options.

✓ Adhere  to  medication  and  treatment regimens prescribed by your doctor.

✓  Seek out individual counseling or support groups.

✓ Connect with those who will support and encourage you.

✓  Practice positive coping skills, like taking a walk or meditating.

KEEP IN MIND

Remember,  an  anxiety  disorder  does  not define you, nor does it comprise the whole of your life. Consider reaching out to your health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

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Everyone feels sad or down sometimes. For many people, these feelings will disappear or fade after a few days; however, depression is different. It impacts your daily life, and you can’t simply snap out of it.

TYPES AND SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

Depression looks different for everyone.   One person may appear sad or hopeless and another might  be  persistently  irritable  and  anxious. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association,   2013)   classifies   depression   as follows:

• Major Depressive Disorder – This diagnosis describes a person who experiences severe depressive symptoms that impact his or her daily functioning.  Although only one episode is necessary for a diagnosis, a person may have multiple occurrences throughout their lifetime.
  
  Symptoms include:
  
  
• Feeling sad, anxious, or hopeless
• Losing interest in once pleasurable activities
• Lacking energy
• Feeling guilty and/or worthless
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Overeating or loss of appetite
• Increased sleeping or insomnia
• Contemplating or attempting suicide

• Persistent  Depressive  Disorder  –  When a  person  suffers  from  a  depressed  mood or symptoms  for two  or more years  they are diagnosed with a persistent depressive disorder. These  symptoms  may  not  be as  severe  as  those  associated  with  major depression.

CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

There are times when a person may become depressed   without   any   attributable   cause. However, most researchers agree that genetic, environmental,   biological,   and   psychological factors all contribute.

ACTION STEPS

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression consider the following:

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with

your primary care provider.

✓  Seek out individual counseling or support groups.

✓ Do your best to be active and exercise. ✓  Make small, attainable goals for yourself.

✓  Try to  spend  time with  others  and  avoid isolation. Allow others to help you.

✓  Give yourself time and grace.  Expect your mood to improve gradually.

✓  Postpone making important life decisions.

✓  Connect with family and friends and share your thoughts, feeling and concerns.

If you’re feeling suicidal, don’t hesitate to call 911, or go to an urgent care center or hospital emergency room for immediate assistance.

KEEP IN MIND

You’re  not  alone,  and  help  is  available. Accurate diagnosis and effective treatment will help you overcome. Consider reaching out to your health care provider   and   engaging   other   counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Fear is a normal and even beneficial part of life. In times of danger, fear triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response, alerting us to stay on guard. However, a person struggling with PTSD experiences a reaction whether danger is real or perceived.

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is most often associated with war veterans, but anyone is susceptible after a traumatic event. Nearly 3.5% of Americans suffer from PTSD after such events, which might include physical abuse, a car accident, natural disasters, sexual assault, or any other traumatic situation.

EVALUATE YOUR STRESS MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES

Physical, emotional, and mental symptoms are natural after a trauma. However, if they persist after several weeks or months, it’s important to check in with your doctor or a mental health professional. An official PTSD diagnosis might be warranted.  Symptoms  include  three  major categories:

• Re-experiencing  –  Often  triggered  by  words, thoughts, or situations.
• Flashbacks or reliving the trauma
• Scary thoughts, nightmares
• Avoidance – Switching up a routine to prevent re-experiencing thoughts.
• Avoiding places that remind you of the event
• Feeling guilty, depressed, or emotionally numb
• Losing interest in enjoyable activities
• Hyperarousal – Experiencing heightened emotions.
• Difficulty sleeping
• Angry outbursts
• Easily startled or tensed

Substance   abuse,   depression,   and   anxiety disorders can also accompany PTSD. If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, ask for help or call a suicide hotline immediately. .

RISKS AND TREATMENT

PTSD is more likely to affect those with a family history  of  mental  illness,  no  social  support network, or a history of childhood trauma. Your brain’s chemical response to stress is also a contributor. You can reduce your PTSD risk with healthy coping strategies, such as leaning on family or friends, attending a support group, and eliminating self-blame.

Those  seeking  PTSD  treatment  typically use medication, psychotherapy, or both. Talk therapy is also effective to practice anger management, identify  guilt  or  shame,  and  learn  relational techniques. If your loved one is struggling with PTSD,  remember  to  give  them  space  when needed. If they’re seeking help, don’t pressure them to talk about everything with you too.

ACTION STEPS

✓  Identify – Make a list of any symptoms you have and how long you’ve experienced them. Write down anything helpful for your doctor, including past events triggering intense fear, medications you use, and other diagnoses. Consider   bringing   someone   along   to appointments to help you remember any information.

✓  Practice self-care – Proper rest, a healthy diet, and exercise are beneficial. Avoid self- medicating with alcohol and drugs.

✓  Seek community – Isolating yourself from people who  care  about you won’t  help. You don’t need to talk openly about the event, just spend time with those who care. Also,  consider  finding  a  support  group. Community resources or your doctor can help you find the right one for you.

KEEP IN MIND

PTSD is not something you need to battle alone. Turn to others, personal or professional, to  receive  help  and  learn  healthy  coping strategies. What  positive  steps  will  you  take  today  to address PTSD and move towards a healthier life?

 Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

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Individuals with threatening, intimidating and negative personality traits undermine relationships, households and organizations. Individuals all around us have their own unique personalities. Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, emotionally abusive and even aggressive. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally, and enables us to help create a safe and productive environment for others.

Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:

• Hostile people – These individuals are often abusive and intimidating, finding pleasure in the fear they create.  They enjoy reacting, so they’ll wait for others to challenge them.
  
  
• Narcissistic people –  These  individuals  are interested in being the center of attention as often as possible.  They want to look like the expert who can do everything better than you.
  
  
• Passive-aggressive people – These individuals are  sly  and  cunning  when  they  undercut authority. They will insult people in a sarcastic way and claim they are just joking.
  
  
• Negative people – People with this personality trait distrust anyone in power or authority. They are the only ones who know the right way and can find a downside to anything.
  
  
• Antisocial people – These individuals resist attempts to be engaged socially, making it impossible to know what they are thinking or doing.  Antisocial people typically distrust others and assume everyone is against them.

ACTION STEPS

When interacting with hostile people:

✓  Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive.

✓  Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss.

✓  Set boundaries and avoid engaging them in front of an audience. 

When interacting with narcissistic people:

✓  Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.

✓  Explain  that  you  would  like  to  use  your knowledge too.

✓  Set   clear   boundaries,   expectations   and consequences.

When interacting with passive-aggressive people:

✓  Focus on the issue, not the person, and limit potential for personalizing.

✓  Meet with the individual in private or with one of your managerial peers.

✓  Let them know you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting. 

When interacting with negative people:

✓ Focus on the facts of a situation and what needs to happen next.

✓  Avoid  engaging  in  discussion  or debate about possible solutions.

✓  Instead, ask them what would be different if the problem was solved.

When interacting with antisocial people:

✓ Use  open-ended  questions  when  you speak to them and engage them.

✓  Be comfortable with silence and wait for them to respond.

✓  Build rapport casually rather than engaging intensely too quickly.

KEEP IN MIND

Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort, and it can be frustrating and discouraging. Remember, you’re not alone when it comes to figuring out how to work with those who have some of these traits. Consider engaging a life coach or counselor for guidance on next steps.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

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Everyone faces conflict in varying degrees at some point in life. Because conflict happens in any relationship, including those at work and at home, no one is immune to its complexities.  How we choose to deal with conflict is unique, as everyone brings his or her own personality and experiences to these difficulties.

CONFLICT OCCURS EVERYWHERE

Conflict erupts at home, in the community, in the workplace and just about anywhere two or more people gather and express their needs, wants and desires. A conflict is a difference of opinions, priorities,   or  perspectives,  whether  friendly or  hostile.  How  you  perceive  conflict  largely determines the role it will play in your life. Those who view conflict as a threat usually experience anxiety and stress, and those who see it as an opportunity for growth can overcome it and even benefit from it.

Conflict in life is guaranteed and often it will be unexpected.   When you are able to calmly respond to an individual your viewpoint is more likely to be understood.  No one wants to feel like the other person is simply trying to win an argument.

ACTION STEPS

While  some  complex  conflicts  may  require a third party such as a licensed counselor or mediator, there are a number of strategies that you can use to resolve many of the conflicts likely to be encountered at work, home, the community and just about anywhere else in life. Define acceptable behaviors

✓ Clarify what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behavior for others.

✓ Demonstrate what’s expected from others and reinforce it.

✓ Provide a guide as to what is considered acceptable behavior.

Proactively address conflict:

✓ If you sense tension, take a proactive stance and calmly address it.

✓ Calmly address others as soon as it seems like there may be conflict.

✓  Recognize   there   may   be   circumstances underlying the conflict. Choose your battles.

✓ Decide in advance what types of issues or differences really matter.

✓  Letting some issues go will not necessarily undermine your position on other issues.

✓ When in doubt, address the issue and clarify expectations. Look for growth opportunities.

✓  View conflict as an opportunity to discuss, resolve and grow in respect for one another. 

✓  Listen actively for the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind another’s message. 

✓ Acknowledge the message expressed, and recognize and affirm the other person.

KEEP IN MIND

The long-term effects of unresolved conflict are often far more damaging than the short- term discomfort of resolving them. With the right mindset and a little practice, you will start seeing conflict as a growth opportunity, one that will help you achieve your goals and create healthy relationships.

You’re not in this alone. Consider engaging a life coach or counselor for guidance on next steps.

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Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

The average adult needs between seven and nine hours of sleep for optimal health. Even though we spend roughly a third of our lives asleep, most people know little about it. Our two sleep states are REM, or rapid eye movement, and non-REM. While dreams occur in our REM periods, our deepest and most restorative sleep occurs during non-REM.

SLEEP DEPRIVATION SYMPTOMS

Feeling tired or irritable? Chances are you might need better sleep habits. More than 70 million Americans suffer with a sleep disorder. This sleep deprivation increases your risk for larger health concerns, such as weight gain, memory loss, high blood  pressure,  fatigue,  and  mood  problems. Relationships suffer when we don’t get enough sleep, and we create unsafe situations at work, home, or on the road.

Everyone experiences an “off” night with their sleep pattern. However, when you consistently get less sleep than normal, you fall into a “sleep debt.”  The  higher  the  debt,  the  greater  the chance of problems. Physical symptoms of sleep deprivation include:

• Morning grogginess
• Frequent yawning
• Dozing off while sitting, watching TV or even driving
• Difficulty concentrating
• Mood changes

COMMON SLEEP STRUGGLES

Difficulty falling  asleep, waking  too  early,  or having  trouble  falling  back  asleep  could  all point to insomnia. These concerns should be discussed with your doctor or a mental health professional.

Snoring can be indicative of sleep apnea, where breaks in breathing occur during your sleep. This can be quite dangerous, increasing your risk of cardiovascular disease. Your doctor can order a sleep study and answer other questions.

GOOD SLEEP INGREDIENTS

The following suggestions can help create the ideal sleeping environment.

• Temperature – Think cool when it comes to your room temperature. Taking a hot shower or bath before bed will rapidly lower your temperature,  helping  you  relax. Cooler temperatures promote better sleep.

• Light  –  Consider  dimming  your  bedroom lights an hour or two before sleeping. Avoid computer or TV screens right before bed, which prohibits the hormone melatonin from flowing naturally.
  
  
• Noise – If your neighborhood is noisy, try wearing earplugs or playing white noise to keep the sound out.

ACTION STEPS

✓ Create a routine – Create a regular schedule to train your body to sleep well. Go to bed and wake at the same time, even on weekends. Form a bedtime routine by taking a warm shower or reading.

✓ Limit naps – Reduce afternoon naps to 30 minutes or less.

✓ Watch your diet – Avoid going to bed on an empty or too full stomach.  Limit beverages to curb nighttime bathroom trips, and avoid caffeine or alcohol before bed.

✓  Be proactive – If you can’t fall asleep after

15 minutes, get up and do something. Then return to bed once you feel sleepy.

KEEP IN MIND

Dealing with restless or interrupted sleep can be frustrating.  Consider talking with your medical doctor for more information about persistent sleep problems.

What healthy habits will you create and maintain to maximize your sleep?

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

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Everyone experiences anger.  We’re biologically wired to become angry in response to potential threats. Anger is often triggered by an event or memory. However, we can’t respond to every obstacle in life with this emotion. Anger management involves learning the signs of anger and how to manage your reaction positively.

 Some people are more likely to become angry than others. Even if they aren’t physically violent, they might be irritable, sarcastic, or constantly grumpy. Anger causes physical symptoms too, such as digestive and heart problems, high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, headaches, and risk of substance abuse.

 ANGER RESPONSES

 We   answer   anger’s   call   by   expressing   it, suppressing  it,  or  calming  it.  None  of  these responses are inherently wrong and should be used at various times. For example, if you never express your anger, you may become passive aggressive.  Rather,  we  can  learn  to  express our  anger  in  assertive,  non-aggressive  ways. Suppressing  our anger is  beneficial when we redirect our thoughts and actions toward positive solutions. And calming our anger is a powerful skill to reduce our physiological responses.

 SEEKING HELP

 It can be difficult to assess if you need anger management help. Are you feeling constantly irritated,  frustrated,  anxious,  depressed,  or out of control? Do you frequently engage in arguments  with  others,  in  physical  violence, or think about violence? If you answered yes, consider seeking help.

 Ask your doctor, mental health professional, or your employee assistance provider (EAP) for a referral. Consider attending a support group or check out other resources available online. Talk to someone who’s been through a program to hear about their experience.

 ANGER MANAGEMENT BENEFITS

 There  are  incredible  paybacks  to  learning anger management skills. You can strengthen your communication strategies, learn conflict resolution skills, and foster positive relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. You might sleep  better,  digest  food  properly,  and  live longer. Anger  management  also  lowers  your risk  for  depression,  anxiety,  overeating,  and substance abuse.

 ACTION STEPS

 ✓ Identify   stressors   –   Discover   what   is triggering   your   anger,   such   as   work, relationships, or rush hour.

✓ Notice indicators – Pay  attention  to  any physical, emotional, or behavioral signs you experience when angry.

✓ Examine  thinking  –  Strive   to   correct your thinking and operate based on facts and  good  rationale.  Avoid  all-or-nothing thinking or jumping to the worst conclusion.

✓ Learn  relaxation  techniques  –  Practice mindfulness and deep breathing to soothe your body and focus your thoughts.

✓ Focus on solutions – Anger management can help focus your energy on problem solving rather than frustration and hopelessness.

 KEEP IN MIND

Remember, asking for help is never a weakness. For  some  people,  reading  tips  on  anger management is enough support. Others might need to take a class or see a professional to learn and practice new skills.

What  positive  steps  will you  take  today toward managing your anger instead of letting it manage you?

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These days, it can be tough to muster up energy for several things, especially cooking a healthy meal. The coronavirus pandemic has had far-reaching impacts on health and wellness beyond solely disease risk. Several people are working from home, have kids home from school or have a hybrid schedule that is different than what many are used to. This has led to disrupted schedules, new challenges with grocery shopping and confusion about dinner prep rolls with families figuring out working and living at home. The everchanging global pandemic has taken a toll on physical and mental health for many.

Lucky for us all, healthy eating doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, there are several simple steps to a healthier eating pattern that take little time and energy but pack a punch for your health. As a registered dietitian, these are some of the most effective tips to help you feel great and eat cleaner with minimal effort.

Get Plenty of Fruits & Veggies

Fruits and vegetables come in many shapes, forms and flavors, and are the cornerstone of a healthy eating pattern. Yet, the Center for Disease Control found that only 1 in 10 Americans are meeting the daily recommended intake of fruits (1 ½ to 2 cups) and vegetables (2 to 3 cups). So where is the disconnect? One of the easiest ways to boost your fruit and veg intake is to work them in to foods you already enjoy. Add vegetables to your egg scramble or favorite pasta dish. Smoothies are a great place to add ample fruits and vegetables. Rice bowls can be loaded with veggies, and stir fries are great for using up produce that is on its way out. Making sure each meal or snack has at least some fruit or vegetable in it will help you meet (and even exceed) the recommended daily intake.

Load Up in the Morning

You often hear that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” and the science is there to back it up. Studies in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition and Physiological Behavior have found that timing of eating is an important factor is risk of obesity and body fat percentage. Work fruits and vegetables into your morning meal to give you a nutritional boost to start your day. Mix in vegetables and greens to smoothies, like this delicious Pineapple Green Smoothie. You (or your kids) won’t even taste that they’re there. A vegetable and egg scramble with whole wheat toast is another one of my favorite go-to breakfasts. Whole grains like oatmeal are also super nutritious options that will keep you full all morning, and can be made to be savory or sweet.

Drink Up

Dehydration can have a slew of nasty symptoms, from fatigue to dizziness and confusion. Not to mention, not drinking enough water can be a sneaky reason you are not losing weight, if that is your goal. Bring a water bottle with you around the house or when you run errands to make it easy to sip all day. If you need something to make it more interesting, try adding frozen fruit, lemon or fresh herbs for a flavor boost. Also, having a glass of water before meals or snacks can help you distinguish hunger from what is actually thirst, and also helps meals digest more easily.

Eat More Frequently

Yes, you read that correctly. Eating healthy doesn’t have to mean eating less. In fact, having more frequent meals throughout the day has been shown to improve weight loss and help people manage their hunger. When you go long periods of time without eating, you can overdo it when you do finally get a chance to eat. We’ve all been there, but a snack every few hours can take the edge off and prevent eating past fullness.

If you try eating more frequently, also try using smaller plates to help you easily control your portion size. Following your hunger cues is another great way to stay ahead of overeating. Eating a small meal or snack with fruit or vegetables, protein (such as Greek yogurt, hummus or a hardboiled egg) and some healthy fat (like avocado, cheese or peanut butter) will help keep you feeling satisfied, not stuffed, all day long.

Be Aware of Processed Foods

Not all processed or packaged foods are inherently “bad”, and several can have a place in a healthy eating pattern. Not to mention, they are super convenient for when you’re in a busy season. However, it is important to be aware of how much and what kind of processed foods you are enjoying. The label on the back is an easy place to start when choosing a snack. Opt for things that are lower in added sugars, salt or fat and higher in protein and fiber. Not only will this reduce the “empty calories” you eat throughout the day that can contribute to weight gain, but it will also keep you feeling full for longer. Things like potato chips or candy may taste good in the moment, but they don’t have much staying power and can actually leave you feeling hungrier later. Not the ideal snack. When you are in a pinch and need something quick, try choosing trail mix or lightly seasoned beef jerky.

Eating in a healthy way can take many different forms and looks a little different for everyone. These tips are simple starters to get you back on track. Whether it’s drinking more water or having a piece of fruit as an afternoon snack, you’ll be feeling better and more productive in no time. Finding simple ways to eat well will help you feel healthier and find more energy when you need it.

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Managing Financial Stress During COVID-19

In March of this year, more than three million people filed for unemployment during a single week. In addition to the obvious concerns over physical health, Americans are feeling financial stress unlike any that’s been experienced in decades. Many wonder how best to handle this economic crisis. Spending money feels empowering and helps the economy. It also depletes our funds and leads to even more financial stress.

Reduced finances provide yet another layer in the stress and anxiety caused by COVID-19. Any kind of stress or anxiety affects all aspects of our health, and that can domino into more serious issues like lack of sleep, poor diet, and overall depression. While we can’t control many things about this pandemic, there are some healthy steps we can take to ensure our financial stability.

A good first response to financial struggle is to evaluate expenses. Take a look at your expenses, and place each expense into one of the following categories:

1. Big, unchangeable expense. These are items that hit your budget in a big way, but can’t be changed. For example, a home mortgage or car note.
2. Big, changeable expense. These are items that hit your budget in a big way, but can be eliminated. For instance, perhaps you don’t like to cook at home, so you’ve made a habit of eating at restaurants several times a week.
3. Small, unchangeable expense. These are little things like filling up your gas tank or paying your water bill. (Though depending on the circumstances, these may feel like big expenses.)
4. Small, changeable expense. These are the daily, or even weekly trips to Starbucks, or your afternoon trip to the vending machine.

The act of categorizing expenses in this way can often bring immense relief right away. Once we know where our money is going, we can easily figure out where to cut costs. Much of the stress we feel comes from not knowing exactly where our money disappears to.

Another way to find relief is to ask for help. This requires us to set aside our pride, and that can be difficult. However, many people are in the same situation. Government aid and local help programs are designed for such a time as this. Those programs aren’t intended for long-term use. They were created to help hard working citizens make it through a difficult time. Don’t hesitate to call your local food bank or other charitable institution and tell them your situation. If possible, offer to volunteer. These places often need an extra hand, and helping others in the middle of your own crisis can be extremely fulfilling.

Ask your employer or bank official for financial advice. They will often know of government aid incentives, such as lowered mortgage or delayed payment for loans. Don’t worry about trying to get out of debt during this crisis. Instead, focus on meeting basic needs for yourself and your family, while not accruing even more debt.

Finally, take a deep breath. This financial crisis may not end soon, but it will end. In the meantime, practice gratitude. When we focus on the things we do have instead of the things we don’t, our spirits naturally lift. We become more settled, more relaxed. And a healthy mindset does more for our wellbeing than a trip to Starbucks.

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Bouncing Back from the Pandemic: Learning to be Resilient

Resilience is the ability to adapt well in response to stressful events. While many people are naturally resilient, it’s also a skill that can be developed. With practice, we can learn behaviors, thoughts, and actions to help us bounce back after trials. COVID-19, and the changes surrounding it, has brought stress to almost every area of our lives. Now more than ever, resilience is a needed skill. When individuals find it too difficult to recover from hardship, there is a greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Qualities of Resilience

What does a resilient person look like?  Typically, a person who adapts well to stressful life experiences is also a good communicator and problem-solver.  He or she can identify and control personal emotions rather than be mastered by them.  Resilient people have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, and they believe in their abilities. They set goals, make plans, and follow through with them.  They also don’t hesitate to lean on helpful family or friends, support or faith-based groups, or mental health professionals such as a licensed counselor or therapist. 

Building Resilience in Stressful Times

Someone who lacks resilience may focus on life’s problems and feel like a victim.  Others may turn to unhealthy behaviors or develop substance abuse.  There are genuine ways to improve our reactions to life’s challenges. Consider the following strategies to build your resiliency:

• Be Present: Keep your mind on what’s happening right now. Don’t focus on the past, which you can’t change, and don’t focus on your fears for the future. Pay attention to the people and blessings you have right now, in this moment.
• Be Active: Get off the couch and move! Take a walk, or dance to your favorite music. Play basketball with your children, or throw a frisbee with your dog.
• Be Connected: Connect with family and friends. Reach out to those you haven’t seen or talked to in a while. Plan phone conversations. Make appointments with live online apps like Zoom, Skype, or Google Hangouts.
• Be Learning: Now is the perfect time to sign up for an online class, or learn a new skill by watching YouTube videos.
• Be Generous: Look for someone who needs help. Perhaps they struggle with anxiety. Maybe they’ve been emotionally or financially affected by COVID. Find a way to help another person and you will feel better, too.

Resilient people understand what not to do, as well. In order to promote better resilience in your life and the lives of your family, avoid stressful situations like negative social media posts or engaging in online arguments. Turn off the evening news, which is filled with negative stories that simply cause stress and raise blood pressure. If you need to know something, your family and friends will tell you.  

Pace yourself. The stress of COVID-19 and the year 2020 will not go away overnight, or even after the election. Being resilient means knowing where, when and how to disengage and rest, recover and renew.

The Benefits of Growing in Resilience

There are several advantages to building resilience.  One of the greatest benefits is the ability to learn from experiences and see them as opportunities.  When life is viewed from this perspective, it’s easier to adapt to new situations and remain hopeful in the face of uncertain times. 

Don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed.  There are support groups and programs in your community that can help in stress and crisis, as well as countless resources online and in print. Your EAP or other employer-provided counseling service is an excellent source of ideas for developing resilience.

You don’t have to wait for another crisis to practice building resiliency. Start building your bounce-back potential today.

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 Loving Ourselves Through the Pandemic

The year 2020 has brought fear, anxiety, and financial difficulties. It’s also brought about a need for heightened self-awareness. Reduced incomes and difficult job and health situations have encouraged us to be kind, to volunteer, and to give back. But sometimes, it’s easier to show care and concern for others than it is for ourselves.

In order to get through this 2020 marathon, we must practice self-care. Whether it’s physical, mental emotional, or spiritual, a little care goes a long way toward a healthier, more peaceful mindset. Be kind to yourself by practicing the following self-care tips:

Physical:

• Make allowances for all your pre-COVID self-care routines. If you can’t go to the nail spa, buy a new bottle of nail polish. If your hair salon is closed, watch some YouTube videos and learn to cover that gray yourself. If it’s not perfect, it’s okay. Hair and nails grow back. Showing yourself a little love will lift your spirits right away.
• Get moving! Take a walk. Order a new yoga video. Find an online dance class.
• Make time for long showers and bubble baths. When we’re stuck at home, it’s easy to forget about routine hygiene. Get squeaky clean, then pile on the scented lotion or powder. It will make you feel better and improve your outlook!

Mental:

• Turn off the news. Allow yourself a half hour, early in the day, to watch a trusted news source. Watching the news all day is stressful, and watching late in the day can steal your sleep.
• Read that stack of books you’ve been meaning to read, or hone a skill you’ve wanted to learn.
• Take on online class, just for the fun of it. Take steps toward furthering your education.

Emotional:

• Stay connected to family and friends. Make appointments to talk on the phone or via a live, face-to-face app.
• Reach out to old friends. Use your extra time to reconnect with people you’ve lost touch with. A long talk with an old friend can bring a smile like little else.
• Write letters. Letter writing is a lost art. Write a letter of encouragement to someone, and you will feel encouraged, as well.
• Find a person or organization that needs you, and give yourself. Many charity organizations are still operational as long as masking and social distancing measures are taken.
• Make new friends. Do you know all your neighbors? Introduce yourself by taking them a plant. Instead of baking a cake, leave ingredients for a treat in a basket on their porch. Now is a great time to plan a lawn chair social distancing party. Invite your neighbors for a COVID safe get-together, complete with good music and great conversation.

Spiritual:

• Renew your sense of spirituality. Spend dedicated time each day in prayer and meditation. Read inspirational literature. If you’re not able to attend a live worship service, join in online worship.
• Connect with like-minded believers at a house of worship that practices safe social distancing and sanitation, or find an online prayer or study group.
• Play worship music in the background as you go about your day.

With all the self-care do’s, there are also a few of don’ts to keep in mind.

• Don’t be excessive. Whether food, alcohol, television, or something else, moderation is key.
• Don’t focus on the negative. Look for things to be thankful for, and think about those things.
• Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to slack a little, as long as you don’t get stuck there. These are hard times.

One day this pandemic will end. It probably won’t be tomorrow. While we wait, it’s important to be kind to ourselves as well as others. Remember, in order to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, we have to first love ourselves. 

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Change is all around us and stress is the brain and body’s way of responding to it. Whether we interpret change as real or perceived, short or long-term, stress is the result.

Stress is not intended to be harmful.   In fact, it  does  serve  a  purpose.   Your body’s  stress response is meant to protect you from danger. It releases chemicals and hormones to aid the “fight or flight” response.   This quickens your pulse, increases your breathing rate, and tenses your muscles. Oxygen shoots toward your brain and your immune system is charged with a short boost.

While stress can be beneficial, our bodies aren’t event such as an unexpected job loss, death, illness,  or  divorce.  Lastly,  traumatic  stress follows a disastrous event like an accident, acts of war, assault, or a natural disaster.

RESILIENCE

While  we  don’t  always  have  control  over stressful events in our lives, we can manage how we react to them.  Resilience is the ability to adapt well over time in response to stressful events. How well do you “bounce back”?

Y N   Do you have access to supportive family and friend relationships?

Y N   Are you readily able to make a plan and stick to it? Can you problem solve?

Y N   Do  you  believe  in  yourself  and  your abilities?

Y N Can  you  identify  and  regulate  strong, emotional responses?

Y N Do you open up and communicate with your support network?

TYPES OF STRESS

There  are  three  main  types  of  stress  we experience: routine, sudden event, and traumatic. Routine stress occurs with the regular changes in  our  work,  school,  or  family  environments. Another type of stress happens from a sudden and unexpected negative event such as loss of job or investment.  Chronic stress takes a toll, and over time prevents your body from returning to its normal functioning state.   As a result, people might experience high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, or mental illnesses like depression or an anxiety disorder.

ACTION STEPS

Practicing  the  following  healthy  habits  will help you develop resilience and cope with life’s stressors:

✓ Pay attention to your body and where you’re

feeling physical tension.

✓  Be mindful of your limits and learn to say no

once in a while.

✓  Clarify your values and prioritize tasks and

responsibilities accordingly.

✓ Focus on the positive and what you have

accomplished.

✓  Eat healthy foods, limit caffeine and alcohol,

get rest and exercise regularly.

✓  Relax your body and focus your thoughts

on whatever is uplifting for you.

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up

with your primary care provider.

KEEP IN MIND

Life is challenging and can be very stressful. You’re not alone, and help is available. Consider reaching  out  to  your  health  care  provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

What steps will you take today to be well and live life more fully?

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Recognizing Eating Disorders

 Eating disorders are serious yet treatable mental and physical illnesses that can affect people of any age, gender, race, body shape, and weight. Eating disorders include a wide range of conditions, such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. There is no single known cause for eating disorders, and research shows that its development is impacted by biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors.

Eating disorders are serious and can significantly impact one’s physical and mental health. The earlier an eating disorder is detected, the greater the chance for recovery. It is therefore important to be aware of some of the signs and symptoms that can warn you of whether you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder.

Signs and Symptoms of Eating Disorders

Below are two lists of some common behavioral and physical signs and symptoms that can be observed in people with eating disorders. It is important to remember as you read through these lists that most people with eating disorders will not have all of these signs and symptoms. It is also important to note that someone with an eating disorder may have other signs or symptoms that aren’t listed here.

As eating disorders are both mental and physical illness, and have consequences on one’s psychological and physical wellness, there are both behavioral and physical symptoms listed below.

Common behavioral symptoms of eating disorders include:

• Weight loss, dieting, and control of food becoming primary concerns
• Preoccupation with weight, food, calories, carbohydrates, fat grams, and dieting
• Refusal to eat certain foods or restricting whole categories of food (not related to allergies or sensitivities)
• Feeling or appearing to feel uncomfortable eating around others
• Developing food rituals (not allowing foods to touch, excessive chewing, eating only particular food or food groups)
• Skipping meals or taking small portions of food at regular meals
• Frequent dieting
• Extreme concern with body size and shape
• Extreme mood swings
• Withdrawal from friends or usual activities
• Frequently checking in the mirror for perceived flaws in appearance

Common physical symptoms of eating disorders include:

• Noticeable fluctuations in weight (both up and down)
• Stomach cramps, other non-specific gastrointestinal complaints
• Menstrual irregularities
• Difficultly concentrating
• Abnormal laboratory findings (anemia, low thyroid and hormone levels, low potassium, low white and red blood cell counts)
• Dizziness, especially upon standing
• Fainting
• Sleep problems
• Feeling cold all the time
• Acid related dental problems
• Dry skin and hair, brittle nails
• Impaired immune function (including poor wound healing)

There is a wide range of symptoms displayed by someone affected by an eating disorder. It is important to recognize the signs and symptoms as early detection increases the chance of recovery and can reduce the impact on one’s overall health and wellbeing.

Treatment and Recovery from Eating Disorders

Along with medical and psychiatric monitoring, treating an eating disorder generally involves a combination of psychological and nutritional counseling. Because eating disorders impact several areas of one’s life and the causes of eating disorders are varied, successful treatment must address the eating disorder symptoms, medical consequences, and the psychological, biological, and social factors in one’s life. Nutritional counseling is a necessary step in recovery as well as planning for healthy choices in the long-term.

Recovery is possible for those who have an eating disorder and getting diagnosed is the first step toward recovery. While people with long-standing eating disorders can and do recover, the best results are seen in those who detect and treat an eating disorder before it becomes chronic. Recognizing eating disorders as early as possible is essential.

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Sources:

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/warning-signs-and-symptoms

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-recognize-the-warnings-signs-of-disordered-eating-and-what-to-do/

Coping with Grief during COVID-19

People usually think of grief happening from the loss of a loved one. But grief can happen from any major change or loss. Grief can be experienced as feelings of shock, sadness, anger, and confusion. Grief can make people feel overwhelmed, lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, sleep less or more, or have changes in their appetite. These are normal responses to loss or change.

During COVID-19, many people may be experiencing grief because of the loss of their way of life before the closures and social distancing regulations. People can even feel grief for plans that have been delayed or canceled. These changes may seem less important compared to the loss of life, but the reality is that life suddenly doesn’t feel normal anymore. This is a big change and many people are grieving.

Below is a list of some things that you can do to help get through the grief:

• Reach out to family or friends by phone, text, email, or video calls. It helps to talk about it. Part of grief is thinking that no one else is feeling the same things. When you talk about it, you see that you are not alone.
• Exercise at home to music or an online video. Exercising can help your mind and body stay healthy.
• Go for a walk. Whenever possible, it is important to go for a walk, run, or bike ride.
• Try to keep up a healthy diet and remember to eat regularly. Taking care of your body helps your mind stay well too.
• Reach out for professional help. Many counselors and therapists are offering phone or video call appointments. Professionals can help in handling strong feelings.

Be kind to yourself and others. Find ways to connect as much as possible. Remember, we will get through this together.

Losing a Loved One during COVID-19

Grief during COVID-19 is more difficult because we aren’t able physically be there for one another as we deal with the emotions. Feelings of sadness are normal after the death of a loved one, but During COVID-19, there is the additional challenge of social distancing regulations, and even quarantine, that prevent us from attending the service.

Traditions of grieving together and holding a funeral or memorial are helpful in processing the thoughts and emotions that come from such experiences. We are not able to share grief in ways that we have in the past. It can be helpful to find other ways of supporting one another during COVID-19.

Below are some suggestions that may help:

• If you are planning the service for a loved one who has passed, inquire about setting up streaming or video that you and others can watch from home. If you are not the one arranging the service, ask if streaming, listening to, or watching the service is possible.
• Look into online support groups for grief and loss.
• Arrange a virtual service for family and friends to share stories, memories, and feelings.
• Plan a memorial, celebration, or other service to commemorate your loved one after the changes because of COVID-19 has lessened. For example, you can look into the types of places you would want to hold the service, make a list of who to invite, and what you would like to say. Prepare for when you can put these plans into action.
• Think of ways that you can perform a ceremony or commemorate your loved one from home. You can try different things, like lighting a candle, planting flowers on your patio, or creating a commemorative photo journal can help.

These suggestions cannot replace the traditions of mourning together, but in such unprecedented times, we must search for solutions in any form possible.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/topics/grief

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2691160/

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/coping-after-disaster-trauma

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/servicesandsupport/grief

Home Schooling During COVID-19 School Closures

While you may be finding yourself unexpectedly thrown into home schooling your child or children, aged anywhere from five to 17 years old, it is important to know that more than two million kids are home schooled each year in the United States and that this number has been steadily increasing in recent years. In short, you are not alone and there is a lot of information available to help you develop best practices in home schooling as you adjust to everything else that may be changing in your world due to the impact of COVID-19.

Logistics

Providing structured learning can help your child adjust to the current circumstances of being home schooled. These tried and true strategies, used by home schooling parents for years, provides the structure necessary to keep the household running smoothly, even while parents tend to the new demands of working from home.

• Set a time that instruction begins each day. Here you can be a little flexible, if your child isn’t an early riser and is usually up at 8:00 am, schedule instruction for 9:00 am every day.
• Encourage your child to shower and change as they would for school. This will help develop routine and teach them that it is time to focus on learning.
• Schedule meal breaks at appropriate times.
• Try to facilitate learning of each subject at the same time each day.
• Encourage or help facilitate working with classmates or friends through video calls where they can work on a group project, discuss ideas, or otherwise help each other with assignments.
• Be prepared to contact your local internet service provider and ask for an upgrade in your internet bandwidth to support the increased use of video-enabled school and work sessions.
• Schedule time for Q&A. Your child may need help with some of the work beyond what is provided to them and this may be a challenge if the teacher(s) are not available at all times. Schedule time to help your child and if you don’t know the answer, search for it together.

Home Schooling while Working from Home

These are stressful times as many parents are facing health and financial concerns, adjusting to working from home with the entire family, and facilitating emergency home schooling. Here are a few tips that may help:

• Try to spend a few moments of quality time with your child before the day begins, during breaks, and at the end of the day. As schedule accommodates, hold brief focused check-ins with your child as these can help prevent attention seeking behaviors as the day progresses.
• When possible, be present as your child is scheduled for online learning groups or distance learning classes. This way you can help them get set up and ensure that they are meeting with the people that they should be meeting with and avoid any inappropriate technology use.
• Use your breaks to recharge the entire family. Check in with your child, provide a healthy snack, and answer any questions they may have. These brief check-ins go a long way, but don’t forget about yourself — have a healthy snack, get some fresh air, prepare for the next phase of the day.
• Remember that you are not alone, most parents are now in the position of juggling home schooling while working from home. If you have a meeting and think you may be called away or have kids screaming in the background, be up front with your colleagues at the start of the meeting and they are likely to be very understanding.

Informal Learning Opportunities

In addition to making sure that your child is completing any assigned work from their school or district, try to take their personal interests into account and facilitate informal learning opportunities as supplemental activities. Many public libraries and museums have made their materials and exhibits available online and may even provide virtual tours.

Examples of informal learning activities include:

• Going for a walk (depending on age or grade level, you can develop activities ahead of time such as identifying geometric shapes, natural formations, colors, and so forth)
• Public television educational programming
• Free audiobooks through public libraries
• Virtual tours facilitated by museums or art galleries, such as the Monterey Bay Aquarium live animal cameras, Yellowstone National park tours, and the San Diego Zoo online
• Online educational games (be careful of the source and ensure they are actually educational and interactive)
• Building or creating at home (even cooking can be turned into an educational activity depending on age or grade level)
• Plant seeds or otherwise grow or nurture a garden (there are several plants that can be grown indoors if you do not have access to an outdoor area)
• It is also important to incorporate reading activities in every subject when possible (in addition to books), for example, reading recipes, reading information on museum exhibits, or playing educational games online that focus on reading

Finding healthy and enjoyable ways to have fun will help everyone relax. There’s no need to pressurize yourself and your kids — you can do this!

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/covid/

https://www.nheri.org/research-facts-on-homeschooling/

https://www.onlineschools.org/homeschooling-guide/

Coping With A Loved One's Suicide

When a loved one dies by suicide, it is common to feel shocked, confused, angry, sad, or any combination of emotions. Due to the stigma surrounding suicide, survivors might have a difficult time reaching out to find support to help process through the grief.  

Immediate Considerations

Losing a loved one to suicide is a shock in itself. While nothing can prepare you for this situation, knowing the following, or sharing them with others, can be helpful.

• Police may have to get involved to investigate the death. Often, they will be looking to make sure that it was indeed a death by suicide and not made to look like a suicide by someone else. In the process, they may need to take possessions, letters, or other items. Be sure to keep an inventory of what was taken so it can be returned, and keep in mind that police may also want to question some family members.
• You do not have to speak with media, if they become involved. If you do, consider selecting a spokesperson from the family, or one reporter to talk to, that you can then refer others to.
• It may be necessary for someone to identify the body. If this step is not applicable, keep in mind that you may still want to view the body, to say goodbye. It is wise to consider the nature of the death and if choosing to see the body would be the most helpful choice for you. Research has shown that many survivors who choose to see the body believe it was the right choice.
• It is personal preference on how much information to include in an obituary, however, including the cause of death might help answer questions that you won’t have to answer in person later, prevent rumors, and help garner necessary support.

When planning the funeral, some funeral homes or religious beliefs may not be in the habit of handling deaths by suicide. Make sure to speak with funeral homes and any clergy members involved to make sure that your loved one’s death will be treated with support and dignity.  

Coping with Suicide Grief

Grief is a complex process of emotions, memories, and adjustments. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and most suicide survivors report feeling some of the following:

• Shock
• Denial
• Rejection
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Blame
• Relief
• Shame
• Isolation

Grief following a death by suicide is complex. Often, survivors feel like they cannot talk about it, because of how suicide is perceived in society. Survivors may often feel angry at the deceased, which can cause confusion since they are also sad about the death. Suicide can also cause survivors to feel traumatized, as the sudden and sometimes violent nature can leave lasting thoughts and memories that are hard to ignore.

These factors, and more, can compound the intense feelings of grief and can prevent any healing from occurring. If you are coping with suicide grief, one of the first things to do is find a support system. Handling grief alone is not a beneficial method, so consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend, a mental health professional, or joining a support group for suicide survivors. There are many resources available and can be found through agencies like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which can be found online at www.afsp.org.

Helping Others Cope with Suicide Grief

If someone you know is a suicide survivor, there are things that you can do to help. While it might seem most comfortable to give them space, this could leave them feeling isolated and ashamed. You may not feel totally competent in helping others with suicide grief, but some of the following activities can be a great help.

• Listen – Active listening and a loving presence can provide tremendous support to a survivor. It is not necessary to “have the answer” or know the right words to say, and actually, some statements can leave the survivor feeling misunderstood or more upset. Instead, focus on the words that are being shared and actively choose to be compassionate, understanding, non-judgmental, and patient. Some of the information shared might seem repetitive or confusing to you, but just giving them a chance to share it can make a huge difference.
• Offer Your Help – When mourning a loss, family and friends often need more help with day to day tasks such as grocery shopping, preparing meals, running errands, and watching children or pets. You can ask “What can I do to help?” or better yet, offer to help with a specific task and let them know when you are available to do so.
• Build A Legacy – Some families may struggle to discuss memories of the person who died, and may even struggle to state the name of the person. It is kind to follow the lead of those closest to the deceased, but it can be helpful to remember the deceased and join in on sharing memories when the time is right. You can also consider donating to a memorial or attending a Suicide Awareness walk in memory of the deceased.
• Be There Long Term – Grief is an ongoing process, and as the weeks, months, and years continue on, a survivor may need more assistance around certain Holidays, days, or anniversaries. Sending a card or calling to check in can be thoughtful and helpful. You will not be reminding them of the loss; likely, they never forgot it in the first place.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/help_heal.shtml
• http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors
• https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/
• https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/suicide/art-20044900
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/suicide-survivors-face-grief-questions-challenges-201408127342

Spiritual Wellness: Your Meaning and Purpose

Spirituality is the term often used in regard to matters of faith, the human spirit, and beliefs about a higher power, or powers. While in the past spirituality was generally believed to be a personal matter, changes in cultural and societal norms have shifted this dynamic and the role of spirituality in overall physical and mental wellness is recognized in healthcare, education, and the workplace. In fact, organizations such as the Center for Disease Control and the American Cancer Society even recognize the role of spirituality in a wide range of areas, from treating cancer to overcoming tobacco dependence.

Developing one’s spirituality is thought to be a significant factor in achieving and maintaining physical, mental, and social wellness. Activities that can help you focus on your spiritual beliefs or relationships include:

• Attending houses of worship, monasteries, churches, synagogues, temples, or mosques
• Reading books, stories, articles, or blogs on spiritual beliefs
• Joining groups, whether in-person or online, where spirituality is discussed or practiced
• Being in nature, going on hikes in the mountains, a picnic at the lake, or to the beach
• Meditating or praying
• Writing, journaling, drawing, painting, or otherwise creating art

The ways in which you can develop or deepen your spiritual wellness are nearly endless and you may even find a combination of approaches works best for you. Regardless of how you connect to spiritual wellness, doing so may help you find meaning in your day to day activities and purpose for your life overall.

Meaning and Purpose

The belief in a meaning and purpose to life can be described as the way we make sense of the world and the significance we place on what happens in our lives. While the meaning that each of us ascribe to our lives is often varied and differs from one person to the next, research has found that generally having a belief that life has meaning is a significant factor in psychological wellbeing and one’s ability to overcome challenges and obstacles in life.

Believing in meaning beyond the day to day logistics of working, going to school, grocery shopping, and so forth helps you feel that there is a purpose to what you are doing and your life overall. Ascribing purpose to challenges and hardships that we encounter can help deal with such circumstances in a positive way.

Cultivating Meaning and Purpose

More and more research is finding that having meaning and purpose in life is closely linked to overall health and wellness and positive functioning. It is therefore important to cultivate meaning and purpose in your life. Below is a list of questions to ask yourself as you explore who you are and what you can do to feel that life has meaning and purpose. Many of these questions may seem to direct you into altruistic endeavors, and that’s because a big part of feeling that our lives having meaning and purpose comes down to being able to help others.

• What are my talents? What are my skills?
• What do I enjoy doing?
• What do I know or have that would be useful to others?
• How can I leave the world a better place?
• How can I inspire the people I care about to find meaning and purpose in their lives?
• What do others appreciate about me?
• What do I want to accomplish in life?

The meaning and purpose you believe in for your own life may change overtime or evolve with your other belief systems. It may be important to revisit these activities at different points in your life as you continue to develop your spiritual wellness.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4580713/

https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/partners/faith/index.html

https://www.cancer.org/latest-news/nurture-your-emotional-health.html

Caregivers: How to Reach Out for Help

Caregivers are those who help to take care of the needs of another. This can be taking care of children, the elderly, or someone with a chronic illness or disability. A caregiver may be someone who is taking care of their parent, sibling, grandparent, relative, or friend, or a professional who is hired to care for someone.

Regardless of whether the nature of the relationship is professional or personal, caregivers provide assistance in a wide range of tasks and activities, such as:

• Managing medical needs, transporting to medical appointments, asking questions, and ensuring compliance with medical recommendations and prescriptions
• Cooking, feeding, grocery shopping
• Cleaning the home and taking care of other housework, such as laundry
• Bathing and getting dressed
• Ensuring medication is taken on time, putting in pharmacy requests, picking up as needed

There are many benefits to helping in this way. Research has found that caregivers generally experience a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in being useful. There are however times that caregivers themselves need help. In addition to the emotional benefits of caring for others, caregivers are found to be at an increased risk for stress, anxiety, depression, and even lowered immune function.

 The Risks of Being a Caregiver

As caregivers are at risk of developing emotional, psychological, and physical conditions, it is important that action is taken to ensure one’s wellbeing while providing for the needs of others. Though it may be difficult to pay attention to one’s own needs while caring for the needs of others, it is important that caregivers recognize when they are in need of help.

Some common signs in caregivers who are stressed or may be in need of help include:

• Feeling overwhelmed
• Feeling sad, hopeless, or experiencing a lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyed
• Increased irritability or feeling angry
• Not being able to make time for one’s own medical appointments or other self-care needs
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits or patterns

When noticing the above-mentioned feelings or behaviors, it is important that caregivers take action to maintain their mental and physical wellness, and that they ask for help.

Asking for Help

Whether you are a professional caregiver, or you are taking care of family or friends, it is important to know that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. Below are some options to explore as you recognize the need for more help.

• Are there other professional services that can be hired for help?
• Are there any volunteers or organizations that can offer help? There may be federal, state, or local resources that can help, for instance the Administration for Community Living
• Are there other family members, friends, neighbors, or even colleagues who can help?
• Have I made an appointment with my own doctor or counselor to discuss the feelings that I am experiencing?
• Are there online or in-person support groups that I can join?
• Is there a spiritual or faith-based organization that I can reach out to for support or guidance?

While some of the options listed here may be able to provide help with the physical and timely needs that may ease the level of responsibility that is on the caregiver, other options may help with the emotional and psychological needs of the caregiver. The mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing of the caregiver are all equally important and it is important to balance these needs in order to continue being able to care for others. Help is available if the stress of caregiving is impacting the overall wellness of the caregiver.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/index.htm

https://health.gov/myhealthfinder/topics/everyday-healthy-living/mental-health-and-relationships/get-support-if-you

https://acl.gov/programs/support-caregivers/national-family-caregiver-support-program

Maternity Leave Stigma

Women take maternity leave to bond with their child and recover from childbirth, and any related complications, without fear of losing their job, benefits, company seniority, and so forth, which are protected under the Family Medical Leave Act. These protections, however, are not able to sever the stigma that many women find is still attached to taking maternity leave.

Though it is against the law to not hire or to fire someone who can perform the basic functions of the job just because she is pregnant or on maternity leave, the reality remains that many women in the workforce are treated unfairly after revealing news of their pregnancy or going on maternity leave.

Maternity Leave Stigma

While working mothers are able to take maternity leave and are protected against job loss, their careers may be impacted by the stigma around actually taking maternity leave. Many women who take maternity leave report being treated differently at work upon their return. For instance, close relationships with colleagues become distant and strained, or clients and projects that were closely managed prior to maternity leave are reassigned and not returned.

Due to the stigma around taking maternity leave, some working mothers do not take the 12 weeks of maternity leave that is allotted by law. Many return to work early and report feeling pressured not to take more time off.

What You Can Do

Returning to work after maternity leave is a time of high stress for most parents. While many are excited to return to work, they are concerned about childcare options, nursing, being away from their child for long hours, and several other issues. The stigma around maternity leave creates even more stress for returning mothers as there is often a sense of not knowing what to expect.

Some companies offer great support to new mothers returning from maternity leave, including flexible hours, telecommuting, and other benefits. If this is not the case at your company, or you aren’t sure whether or not it is, speak to your direct manager or a Human Resource representative about what options may be available to you. While you may not be able to change the stigma around maternity leave, taking an active step toward open communication with your employer may be of help. Below is a list of topics that serve as an example of points you can discuss.

Maternity Leave Points of Discussion:

• Is it possible to have a transition back to work? Begin working a few days a week and working back up to five?
• Is telecommuting an option? If so, how frequently?
• Is there flexibility in the hours I am expected to be in the office?
• Is there flexibility in avoiding scheduling meetings early in the morning or late in the afternoon?
• Is there a private space with an outlet so that I can pump?
• What level of communication should I maintain with the office while on leave?

For many women, taking maternity leave and returning from leave are both exciting and stressful times. While some company cultures still maintain a stigma around taking maternity leave, the trend is changing and many companies do offer support to new mothers returning to work. There are also some things that you can do ahead of time to help set up work expectations while you are on leave and as you return.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/youre-pregnant-now-what/know-your-pregnancy-rights

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/working-life/art-20045470

The Importance of Mental Health

Mental health is defined as our emotional, psychological, and social wellbeing. Basically, mental health refers to how we think, feel, and act. Mental health is an important part of our lives and our overall wellbeing at any age. It impacts how we deal with stress and the decisions we make in our lives.

If experiencing mental health issues, our thoughts, moods, and behaviors can all be affected. Some examples of mental health illnesses or conditions are depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia.

Experiencing mental health problems is very common and there is help available. In fact, many people who experience a mental health problem are able to fully recover.

Why is Mental Health Important?

Mental and physical wellbeing are equally important to our overall health and wellness. It is important to take care of our mental health because experiencing problems in this area can affect all areas of our lives, including our physical health, relationships, career, and finances. For instance, research shows that mental illness can contribute to stroke, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes.

Achieving and maintaining positive mental health and wellness allows us to reach our potential in our personal and professional lives, cope with the stresses of life, build lasting relationships, and contribute to the overall wellness of our communities.

On the other hand, when our mental health is not at its best, we may retreat from the people and responsibilities in our lives, experience physical symptoms and unexplained pains, sleep too much or too little, and feel anxious, nervous, or scared.

Taking care of your mental health is important, and there are many things that you can do to ensure recovery if you are experiencing any problems.

What to Do if Experiencing Mental Health Problems

If you or someone you know are experiencing some of the feelings and behaviors listed below, it may be time to look into what you can do when experiencing mental health problems.

• Changes in eating and sleeping (eating too much or too little, sleeping too much or unable to sleep enough)
• Withdrawing from the people in your life
• No longer finding interest in things you once enjoyed
• Feeling confused, forgetful, angry, upset, or on edge more than usual
• Feeling anxious, worried or scared more than usual
• Hearing voices
• Thinking of harming yourself or others

Someone experiencing a mental health problem may not have all of the symptoms listed above, or may exhibit some behaviors and moods that are not listed here. If you, or someone you know, are experiencing any of the behaviors or moods listed above and want to improve your mental health, there are several things that you can do.

There are many resources available to you, including calling a hotline, speaking to your medical doctor, or finding a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Working with a professional to create a recovery plan can help someone struggling with a mental health problem to lead a self-directed life that feels meaningful and fulfilling. Often recovery will include counseling, therapy, group sessions, or medication, or a combination of these.

Achieve and Maintain Mental Health Wellness

To achieve and maintain mental health wellness, there are several things that we can do and commit to habit to help:

• Sleep – make sure to get enough sleep. The actual amount can be different for everyone, but aim for 6 to 8 hours a night.
• Food — eat a healthy, well-balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables so that your mind and body can get all of the vitamins they need.
• Get Outside – Being physically active, getting fresh air, and taking in plenty of sunlight can go a long way in maintaining mental wellness.
• Connect with Others – Developing and maintaining personal relationships and connecting with others can create a support network for long-term wellness.
• Coping Skills – By understanding what triggers your stress, anxiety, or sadness and developing skills in coping with daily stressors, you can maintain mental wellness despite life’s ups and downs.

Mental health is an important contributor to your overall wellness, physical health, relationships, and career. Maintaining your mental wellness can help you lead a self-directed life filled with purpose and meaning.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/what-is-mental-health

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/learn/index.htm

https://medlineplus.gov/mentalhealth.html

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Domestic abuse is defined as a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Every abusive relationship is different, but there is one commonality: the abusive partner does many things to establish and maintain power and control over their partner.

Domestic abuse can include physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse, and economic deprivation. A relationship does not need to be violent to be abusive, but the danger of being seriously injured or killed greatly increases within relationships that include physical and sexual violence.

People who are in an abusive relationship may feel confused, afraid, angry, or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, you may also blame yourself for what is happening, but the truth is that you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive behaviors.

Despite promises and pleas from the abusive partner, change rarely occurs. Rather, the intensity and frequency of the abuse often increases and escalates over time.

How to Get out of an Abusive Relationship

Abusive partners often do and say things to shift the blame onto the victim or even deny that the abuse ever took place. There are many other reasons people stay in abusive relationships and leaving can often be very complicated.

Leaving can also be the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse. Because abuse is about power and control, leaving the relationship is the victim taking control and the abusive partner’s power is threatened. This could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in destructive ways.

If you are in an abusive relationship, there is help available to you. There are local, state, and national organizations dedicated to helping you leave, be in a safe space, and gain control of your life and wellbeing. These organizations can help you create a safety plan.

A safety plan will map out preparing to leave, when you leave, and after you leave. It will plan ways to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action, and more. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you protect yourself in stressful moments.

Preparing to Leave

As mentioned above, leaving an abusive relationship can escalate the abuse. It is important to take certain actions as you are preparing to leave:

• Keep evidence of physical abuse (pictures of injuries)
• In a safe place, keep a journal of all violent incidences (noting dates), and of events and threats made, if possible
• Know where you can get help. Tell someone what is happening to you
• If you are injured, seek medical help and ask that your visit is documented
• Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them
• Contact your local shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis
• Try to set money aside or ask family or friends to hold money for you

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

As you create your safety plan, you can make a plan for how and where you will escape quickly. You may ask for a police escort or stand-by when you leave. If you have to leave in a hurry, try to take as many of the following items as possible:

• Driver’s license/identification/passports
• Birth certificate and children’s birth certificates
• Social security cards
• Checking/savings account books, money, financial information
• Legal protective order (if you have one in place)
• Copies of lease/rental agreements or deed to your home
• Car registration and insurance papers
• Health and life insurance papers
• Medical records for you and your children
• Medications
• Valuable jewelry
• Pictures/sentimental items

After you Leave

There are precautions to take after you leave to keep you and your family safe. Below are some examples, though you may want to collaborate with domestic abuse organizations that can help you  create a detailed safety plan specific to your situation.

• Call law enforcement to enforce the protective order and give copies of the restraining order to employers, neighbors, and school officials along with a picture of the offender
• Get caller ID and screen your calls, maintain a different daily routine, go to work different hours and take a different route
• Change the route in taking your children to and from school, or consider changing their schools
• Use different stores and reschedule appointments the offender may be aware of
• Install security systems if possible, and replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors

Though leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and require many changes in your life, there is help available to you for every step along the way.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.thehotline.org/help/

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

Digital Toxicity and Smartphone Addiction

Do you feel panic when you realize your phone isn’t in arms reach? Do you feel frustration and anger if the internet is down or you find yourself somewhere without WI-FI? The overuse of digital devices that interferes with our daily lives as well as the use of digital devices that causes anxiety, fear, dread, or overdependence is known as digital toxicity. Digital toxicity has become a widespread concern as 1 in 5 Americans report that technology use is a source of stress for them.

Similar to digital toxicity, smartphone addiction is an overdependence on or overuse of digital devices, specifically the smartphone. A smartphone addiction can interfere with your daily tasks and attention, such as driving, working, sleeping, and being aware of your surroundings. If left untreated, a smartphone addiction can cause harm to yourself and others.  

Digital toxicity or smartphone addiction can interfere with our performance at work or school, developing and maintaining personal relationships, and even our safety and wellbeing. For instance, texting while driving poses a threat to yourself and others, and is an example of dangerous digital toxicity as the driver’s use of a smartphone is interfering with the task of driving safely.

It is important to recognize if you are experiencing digital toxicity or smartphone addiction and to take steps to help yourself regain independence from digital devices.

Digital Toxicity and Smartphone Addiction Symptoms

If you or someone you know are struggling with digital toxicity or smartphone addiction, you may display some of the following symptoms:

• Often unable to resist temptation to use smartphone or other digital device
• Anxiety or irritability when away from smartphone or other digital device
• Frequently use smartphone or other digital device longer than intended
• Family or friends feel that you spend more time on your phone or other digital device than with them
• Experiencing increased conflict due to miscommunication or misunderstandings

Emotional Responses to Digital Toxicity and Smartphone Addiction

If someone is experiencing digital toxicity or smartphone addiction, how is their emotional health impacted? There are several emotional responses to digital toxicity and smartphone addiction, including the following:

• Anxiety – fear of being away from your phone or other device, anxiously awaiting responses to texts or emails, experiencing anxiety from the information seen on your social media feeds or other online sources
• Depression - sadness, fear, lack of trust, irritability, guilt, and lowered confidence.
• Low Attention – making more mistakes, experiencing more falls or accidents because you are paying attention to a digital device, being reprimanded at work or school for being distracted. Digital toxicity and smartphone addiction causes increased errors due to multi-tasking.
• Insomnia – using smartphones and other digital devices before bed can impact your quality of sleep and even prevent you from falling asleep as you regularly would

Creating Healthy Boundaries with Digital Devices

Healthy boundaries are constructs that we live by based on our values. We all develop boundaries differently in all areas of our lives — boundaries with friends, family, coworkers, food, exercise, and so forth. If we fail to create boundaries or honor them, we risk becoming powerless in that area of our lives. In order to maintain control of our behaviors and emotions, and to ensure that they are in alignment with our values, we must create healthy boundaries for ourselves.

With the amount of information available on the ways in which smartphones and other digital devices impact our emotional wellbeing, personal relationships, and work performance, it is important that we now consider establishing healthy boundaries with our digital devices as well. Below are the ways in which we may do so:

• Turn off smartphones during staff meetings, meals at restaurants, meals at home, driving, and while watching movies.
• Avoid checking emails before 9:00 am
• Do not check social media until the end of the day
• When possible, opt for in-person communication over phone, text, or email

While these suggestions will not remove the use of smartphones or other digital devices in your life, they can help create healthy boundaries around how you use such devices and how much you use them.

There is no doubt that technology is here to stay and that there are very real benefits and advantages to using digital devices; but there is also no doubt that their overuse can lead to addiction and digital toxicity. Begin by assessing your use of digital devices and whether you may benefit from creating healthier boundaries in this area of your life.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2018/11/cover-misuse-digital

https://www.heart.org/idc/groups/heart-public/@wcm/@swa/documents/downloadable/ucm_481830.pdf

Relocating for Work

Many people find themselves in the position of facilitating a job relocation. It may be that you have taken a new job, are part of a restructure in your organization, or have been promoted within your current company and you are now relocating for your new role. The relocation may be somewhat local, across the country, or abroad.

Regardless of why you are relocating, it can be a stressful undertaking, though it can also be an exciting opportunity. Making the best of this situation will likely require planning and preparation. Below are lists of things that you can do to ensure a successful job relocation.

Before the Move

Before you actually begin planning for the move, you want to make sure that you have all of the information that you need. Here are some questions to consider:

• Did you negotiate relocation benefits?
• Can you have a “try out” period before committing permanently?
• Is the move temporary or permanent in the foreseeable future?
• Are you provided with housing or do you need to find your own accommodations?
• If you are provided housing, is it furnished or unfurnished? The answer to this question will help determine if you need to take your belongings, only some of them, or nothing more than a laptop and some clothing.
• Are you moving out of your current residence, selling your home, subletting, or keeping it as is? Depending on your answer to this question, you may want to consult with a realtor, property management company, or other professional.
• Do you need to make storage arrangements?
• Who is moving with you? If you are moving with kids, you may need to arrange childcare or their school enrollment prior to moving. Experts also suggest that you talk to your kids about the move starting from the early planning stages. Keeping them a part of the process will help as they go through the stresses of relocation.
• What time of year will you be moving? Is the weather going to be different than in your current location? Do you need to prepare for that?
• Are you moving with your partner? Does he or she need to find new career options when you move? If so, they may need to begin the processing of applying or networking now.

These questions are only some of the things you may need to consider prior to moving. In this stage, you want to collect as much information as possible on what you can expect in your new location as well as what resources you will have available to you as you move and settle in.

Once you have prepared for the move, there are several things that you can do to ensure a successful process during the move.

During the Move

As you find yourself in the midst of packing and moving, be sure to hire a reliable moving company, have internet and phone services set up in your new location, cancel all such services in your current residence if you will no longer need them, and most of all, stay organized.

• Children – Confirm that you have childcare and/or school arrangements in the new location.
• Belongings — Keep everything organized, what you will not need should be disposed of, stored, or staying in your current residence. Everything you will need should be packed and on its way to your new residence.
• Pets – If you have pets you may need to have accommodations set up specifically for their move.
• Work – Stay in communication with the company to ensure that you will be where you need to be when you need to be there. Long distance moves can have unexpected delays or challenges, staying in communication will help avoid misunderstandings.
• Medications – If you are taking any medications be sure to have the proper amount that you need until you are able to go to a physician in your new area.

There are many details to attend to as you are relocating for work, but the experience can be a successful one as long as you stay organized.

After the Move

Regardless of how exciting of an opportunity you may have with the relocation, uprooting your life can be challenging and stressful. Give it time — experts advise that the first six months of any move are the most challenging. If you are moving alone, you may want to enroll in classes or other activities outside of work to help create a new social circle or support system.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://hbr.org/2018/12/how-to-decide-whether-to-relocate-for-a-job

https://hbr.org/2018/08/the-who-where-and-why-of-moving-for-a-new-job

Retirement Planning

With increasing lifespans and earlier retirements becoming more common, we have more flexibility in choosing how we want to spend our retirement. Assuming that you have financially planned for retirement and finances are not the major determining factor in choosing how to spend your retirement, there are many other factors to consider.  There are countless questions to consider when we begin thinking about how we want to spend our retirement.

It is important to think about these points and to plan how you wish to spend your retirement because, for many, retirement means transitioning out of the role that we conducted for decades and this can cause feelings of lacking purpose or meaning. Additionally, retirement also means a change in social activity as you no longer spend time with coworkers every day. Planning how you wish to spend your retirement can help counter these feelings, and help in transitioning away from the work routine you’ve had for decades with new and fulfilling experiences.

• Do I want to continue working as a consultant, volunteer, or otherwise? Or do I want to leave the industry or workforce all together?
• Do I want to live where I am or do I prefer moving? If I move, will it be in the same area or somewhere else entirely?
• What type of environment do I want to be in? Urban, suburban, mountain, beach, desert?
• Who do I want to be with in my retirement? Do I want to be near family, friends, or others?

These questions are merely scratching the surface when we begin planning for how we want to spend our retirement. Once we decide the major puzzle pieces of where we are going to live and who we will be spending most of our time with, we can get into the questions that will shape our days in retirement.

Choosing How to Spend Retirement

When choosing how to spend our retirement, it is helpful to think about how we want to spend our time by breaking down what we are doing throughout the day.

• What time do you want to wake up? Do you want to continue waking up at the same time that you have been for work, or do you want to sleep in?
• When do you wake up, since you won’t be getting ready for work, what do you want to be doing?
• Are you active? Is there an exercise that you want to continue doing?
• Are there any activities that you have been interested in and haven’t done yet? Perhaps you can take a class, join a group, or continue an activity you are already participating in.
• If money is not a major concern in your retirement, are there any pro bono activities that you would like to take on? If so, how regularly do you commit to this?
• Do you want to remain active in your career while in retirement? For instance, an attorney can take on pro bono cases, a retired teacher can give lectures, a retired CEO can mentor people just starting out in their careers.

At the root of these questions is discovering what brings you joy and a sense of security in your retirement. When you transition out of the life that you have known for decades, what parts of it do you want to hold on to and what new experiences do you want to have?

Choosing how to spend your retirement can be an exciting time, and if there aspects that you are unclear on, reach out to experts who can help. A coach can help you achieve goals and financial planners can help you set realistic expectations, counselors can help with any feelings of anxiety over all the changes.

Preparing and working with experts can help make choosing how to spend your retirement an exciting endeavor.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6171791/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3696198/

Understanding Mental Health in Teens and Young Adults

College is a time of transition and can be stressful for students faced with new social and academic challenges alongside a new level of independence.  Managing one’s mental health at this time is multifaceted and very important.

Mental health conditions are extremely common, and research shows that one in five young adults will experience a mental health condition in college. It is also important to know that 75% of all mental health conditions begin by age 24, which is why college is a crucial time in understanding mental health and how to maintain mental wellness.

When deciding where to go for college, consider the decisions you make from the perspective of what environments and situations may be best in maintaining your mental wellness. There are several factors that can impact one’s mental wellbeing, including:

• College location — Is it far from home? Does the weather play a role in mental wellness? Is the student experiencing culture shock?
• Size of the college — Is it a large college or university, or does the student have individualized attention?
• Living situation — Is the student living alone for the first time? Housed with a random roommate? Stressed about paying rent while in school?
• School resources available to students — Is there mental health care readily available? Counseling services? Referral resources?

Managing Mental Wellness

It is important to take care of our mental health because experiencing problems in this area can affect all areas of our lives, including our physical health, academic performance, friendships, and work. Finding ways to maintain mental wellness in college can have a positive impact on your overall college experience.

Below are some ways in which you can take care of your mental health in college:

• Get outside, go for a walk or enjoy other forms of exercise.
• Join a club or organization that can help you build a social support system.
• Take advantage of mental and emotional health resources available to you. Know when to seek help and where you can go for help.
• Eat balanced, nutritious meals regularly. This includes ensuring proper water intake daily.
• Get enough sleep — Despite deadlines and a full workload, it is important to get enough sleep every night and to maintain a regular sleep schedule when possible.
• Avoid drugs and alcohol.
• Reduce stress — If you are feeling a lot of academic pressure, speak with your counselor. Does it make sense to take fewer classes and graduate a little later? There are different approaches to many stressors that may help alleviate pressure.

Managing a Mental Health Condition in College

In addition to maintaining mental wellness, if a student has a mental health condition upon entering college, there are many steps that can be taken to ensure successful management of the condition.

• Keep scheduled appointments with mental health professionals that you are already working with or, if moving far, set up an appointment with a new mental health care professional.
• If taking medication, continue to do so as prescribed and order refills before running out.
• Consider living with trusted family members or friends in the initial months or during the first year to assist with the transition of living away from home.
• Look into opportunities for special education services, there may be resources available to you to help with coursework, exams, and other aspects of your academic life.
• Understand the school and community resources available to you and take advantage of them as needed.

Managing a mental health condition in college may present you with new challenges but there are many resources available to you. Planning ahead, preparing carefully, and taking advantage of resources can go a long way in managing mental health conditions and maintaining mental wellness.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-Young-Adults/Managing-a-Mental-Health-Condition-in-College

https://nami.org/collegeguide

Legal and Financial Planning for People with Alzheimer's Disease

Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease

When diagnosed with a serious illness, it is important to examine legal and financial arrangements and to make plans for the future in light of the present circumstances. When someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, this process of examination and planning becomes even more important as the diagnosis is one that carries an expectation of declining mental and physical health.

While being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease is a difficult time that calls for many unexpected changes and decisions, it is of utmost importance that legal and financial planning is conducted as soon as possible. There are some legal and financial documents available that can help to ensure that one’s personal wishes, financial decisions, or end-of-life healthcare decisions are carried out, such as a will, living trust, or advance directives. Experts recommend retaining a lawyer when preparing advance planning documents.

Planning with a Lawyer

Every state has different laws, documents, forms, and resources available for legal and financial planning. Lawyers who are knowledgeable on specific state laws can help with legal and financial planning in a way that ensures the person and their family’s wishes are carried out.

A lawyer can assist with:

• Documenting healthcare wishes of someone when that person can no longer make such decisions
• Documenting financial management and estate planning for someone who can no longer make financial decisions

Advance Healthcare Directives

Advance directives for healthcare are documents that communicate the healthcare wishes of a person with Alzheimer’s disease so that these can be carried out even if the person can no longer make or communicate these decisions. Below are examples of documents that can be used for advance healthcare directives:

• Living Will – A living will documents your decisions on medical treatment near the end of life or if otherwise unable to make decisions on emergency treatment.
• Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare — The durable power of attorney for healthcare is the person designated to make healthcare decisions for the person with Alzheimer’s disease, when he or she can no longer do so.
• Do Not Resuscitate Order — This document instructs healthcare professionals not to resuscitate, or perform CPR, if the person’s heart stops or they stop breathing.

There may be other documents in addition to the ones mentioned above that can assist in more particular legal planning for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. It may be best to work with an attorney in preparing legal and financial planning so that documents and possible medical scenarios are not overlooked.

Advance Financial Directives

Advance directives for financial management are similar to the documents mentioned above but pertain to financial planning rather than medical. Financial and statement management documents must be created while the person with Alzheimer’s disease can still make these decisions.

Below are examples of documents commonly used in such situations:

• Will – A will documents how a person’s assets are to be distributed upon death. This can include arrangements for minors or other dependents, gifts, trusts, and funeral arrangements.
• Durable Power of Attorney for Finances — The durable power of attorney for finances is the person who is entrusted to make financial decisions on behalf of the person with Alzheimer’s disease when they no longer can do so.
• Living Trust — This document appoints a trustee to hold title to property and funds for the beneficiaries after the person with Alzheimer’s disease can no longer do so.

It is recommended that when someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, they move into legal and financial planning as quickly as possible. In some instances it may take time to implement these documents or it may be that a person’s mental health declines more rapidly than expected.

There are many variables when it comes to legal and financial planning for people with Alzheimer’s disease, which is why experts recommend moving quickly and working with an attorney.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/legal-and-financial-planning-people-alzheimers

When a Loved One is Incarcerated

There are often emotional, relational, and financial implications when a loved one is incarcerated. The time served does not only affect the incarcerated. Family members commonly express feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment. Whether the imprisoned is a spouse, partner, or dependent, emotional concerns for their well-being are normal and can take over daily life.  

Beyond emotional adjustments, family members must manage new expectations and routines. What will the “new normal” look like? Relationships may feel the strain as families sort through the logistics of visitations, communication, finances, or other challenges. Whether you have an imprisoned family member or friend, you may find the following information helpful.

When a Child is Incarcerated

Having an incarcerated child is a reality no parent is hoping to experience. As much as you find yourself waiting for phone calls or worrying about your child, it’s important to continue to live your life. There are caring individuals ready to help you transition during this difficult family time.

• Professional Support Systems- Though many parents express feelings of shame, embarrassment, and regret, you are not alone. A professional counselor, religious leader, or even a trusted friend or family member can help you process through these emotions. Find people in similar situations or consider joining a support group. Family counseling is also a helpful outlet for each member to share about how the current situation is affecting them. Life will continue to move on, and it’s important you’re able to function as your best possible self.
• Care Networks- Additional responsibilities, such as other children or employment, could hinder your availability to attend court dates or visitation times. Have childcare options or other resources available to afford those opportunities to you. If finances are tight, think creatively: trade off childcare responsibilities with a friend in exchange for a meal, light housekeeping, or a time you watch their children.
• Communication- Phone calls, emails, letters, and personal visits are wonderful tools to maintain relationships during a time of imprisonment. Not only does it provide you with a measure of comfort, it gives your loved one a sense of hope and excitement. Communication from a parent or guardian can offer the prisoner a sense of connection, dignity, and acceptance.
• Finances- Tax dollars do provide housing and food, but many prisons require inmates to pay for their own clothing, toiletries, shoes, and communication charges like phone calls and computer time. Decide how much you are able and willing to send to help offset these fees.
• Research- Since policies can change or differ between prisons and jails, learn the visitation procedures. Know what it requires and expects of you in terms of schedule, forms of identification, and what you’re allowed to bring or carry in with you.

An Incarcerated Spouse or Partner

Imprisonment is not an easy life circumstance. Support is necessary for both you and your incarcerated spouse/partner. Consider the following as you determine how much support you’re able to give while maintaining your daily responsibilities.

• Family Meetings- Undoubtedly, people will have questions about what’s happening. While it may or may not be appropriate or legally wise to discuss the details, your family unit is likely experiencing mixed feelings. Talking through as many details as possible could greatly benefit your family members.
• Consider the Children- It is confusing for a child to understand why a parent is gone. In a developmentally appropriate way, be honest with your child about the situation. Allow them opportunities to ask questions or speak their feelings. Encourage other adults to always speak respectfully about the child’s parent in front of them.
• Visitation with Children- Some prisons have specific programs in place to allow incarcerated parents time with their children. If you bring your child to visiting hours, be mindful to educate them ahead of time about the changes they will see in their parent, such as appearance and clothing. Talk to them about the prison setting, going through security, and following specific rules.
• Financial Implications- An important step is to review your budget. Do you want to maintain your current lifestyle while your spouse/partner is incarcerated? You may find you need to increase your income or cut back on expenses. Estimate expenditures you’ll acquire from visitation times. Gas money or bus fare to and from the prison should be included in your budget. Remember to factor in money you may need to deposit into your spouse’s inmate account for necessary charges and fees.

It is helpful for families to remember that today is not forever. Though feelings of anger and blame are natural, be courageous and seek to forgive your loved one for choices made. Remind yourself why you have hope for the incarcerated. Use this circumstance to plan where you’d like your life to go from here. Write a new ending. Change is possible, and your future is hopeful.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://oureverydaylife.com/cope-loved-one-2036873.html

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/4/prweb10679159.htm

https://www.fashionbeyondforty.com/2017/02/how-to-cope-when-loved-one-is-in-prison.html

http://thebereavementacademy.com/grieving-incarcerated-loved-one/

When a Loved One Dies

Dealing with the emotions that follow the death of a loved one can make any task difficult. Planning the funeral and facilitating the process of getting matters in order can add stress to an already challenging situation. Having some direction can help to make sure that the proper steps are taken, and that nothing important is overlooked.

Immediate Checklist

After a loved one dies, first reactions can vary from depression to anger to shock, and anything in between. While you might feel lost, confused, or helpless, there are some important steps that need to be taken as soon as possible following the death of your loved one. The sooner these actions can be carried out, the sooner you can guarantee that communication is moving forward that will work to honor the life of the deceased, and protect assets and other wishes through legal and administrative matters.

1. Arrange Transportation: Your loved one might have died at a hospital or other facility. If so, ask about the procedure for storage and delivery of the body to a funeral home or other location. If the death occurred elsewhere, calling 911 is the best place to start. Selecting a funeral home as soon as possible, and notifying them, will also be helpful as they can help with transporting the body of the deceased to the right locations. If the deceased was an organ donor, notifying medical staff as soon as possible can make sure that this wish can be carried out to save other lives.
2. Make Contact: Call close family and friends of the deceased. This can help to identify who knew what funeral arrangements the deceased might have specified, and can help to locate these details to help with the next steps. It is also a thoughtful step to take, and could be helpful to designate certain people to do this job.
3. Secure Valuables: To prevent any further difficulties, ask someone to check on the property of the deceased. Make sure the car, home, and other valuables are locked or taken care of. If the deceased had pets, arrange for care.
4. Plan the Funeral: Having written instructions from the deceased can be helpful with this step. If there are no written directions, consider involving those closest to the deceased and facilitate a conversation to organize the arrangements. This will include details such as if a religious tradition should be involved, choosing cremation or burial, contributions to a charity, and if there will be a meal after any services.
5. Prepare the Obituary: Consider what information you may want to include and to look into newspaper rates and other guidelines.
6. Take Care of Matters: Having a few certified copies of the Death Certificate will help to complete taking care of financial, administrative, and other estate issues. A few places to consider contacting include
   • Secretary of State to cancel the Driver’s License and prevent identity theft
   • Insurance Companies to cancel payment and tie up loose ends
   • Credit Card companies to cancel cards and check about interest rates and payments that need to be made
   • Banks and other financial institutions
   • Probate attorney, lawyer, or whoever has knowledge of executing a will that was left by the deceased
   • Utility companies to cancel and pay bills
   • Other social media, technology, or email accounts may need to be shut down.
7. Self-Care: With all of the necessary responsibilities and heightened emotions, it can be tough to take time to grieve and to speak with your loved ones. Remember to ask for help and to take care of your basic needs, including food, hygiene, and relationships.

Funeral Assistance

Some people might have prepared for funeral expenses by paying early on. If you are not familiar with funeral costs, familiarize yourself with the Funeral Rule, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, so you know what funeral homes are obligated to do to ensure that prices are fair.

If you find yourself in need of assistance in paying for a funeral, consider these options:

• Ask for Help: Friends and family might be willing to pitch in, so don’t think that finances are only left to you. Some people have used crowdfunding or fundraising to make this a reality. Other sources of help could include the employer of the deceased, or leadership of any groups that the deceased was involved with; sometimes they have programs to help with funeral costs. Another option could include donating the body to science.
• Organizations: Some non-profit organizations have programs to help the community cover funeral costs. The Salvation Army and Red Cross are two examples, and Angel names and The SIDS Foundation offer assistance for infants. There are also state or federal assistance programs available, and can be reached by contacting your county’s Coroner. Keep in mind, that some qualification might be required for these.
• Veteran Benefits: Keep in mind that if your loved one was a veteran, there might be extra assistance or options for the funeral to consider.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

• http://www.planningafuneral.com/important-information.aspx
• https://www.funeralwise.com/etiquette/how-to-dress-for-a-funeral/
• http://www.legalvoice.org/after-death-occurs-checklist
• https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-06-2012/when-loved-one-dies-checklist.html

Talking to Youth about Healthy Sexual Boundaries

Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, especially when talking with youth. However, even young children are able to identify the anatomical differences between males and females. This awareness comes because humans are sexual beings and there are obvious facts that can be observed to confirm this. It is how our bodies are made and how we grow our families and world.

What is not apparent is how and when bodies and body parts are to be touched. This information needs to be taught and discussed to help each youth develop their own healthy sexual boundaries.

Some Statistics

In 2015, it was estimated that 41 percent of adolescents have had sex. The younger a teen starts having sex, the higher the chance that risky sexual behaviors can occur. STDs, sexual assault, rape, abusive relationships, and other circumstances can leave a lasting impact on youth. While there is no way to guarantee that these issues will not occur, the more information is provided to youth to make educated decisions, the greater the possibility that they will avoid risky choices and situations.

When to Talk

Some parents or guardians feel uncomfortable approaching the topic of sex with youth. However, due to its relevance and importance, it might be helpful to think about placing the safety of the youth over the level of comfort that is felt. Providing information that is educational and developmentally appropriate is the best route to go. You can start talking about and encouraging boundaries with children, by helping them to have control over how they are touched. It may be helpful to do some research, but it does not take an expert to have a successful conversation. Stay calm, answer questions accurately, and look up any answers that you are unsure about. Children and teens are going to learn about sex from somewhere, and making yourself one of those sources can make a huge difference in their lives.

Types of Boundaries

Having healthy sexual boundaries means addressing all of the ways that sexuality can manifest itself; emotionally, mentally, physically, and digitally.

Emotional/Mental

It can be helpful to bring up the topic of how sex is not just physical, but also an emotional and mental decision. For many youth, the idea of sex is both exciting and scary. It can be hard to know exactly how something will affect you when you have not done it before. Youth hear and see countless stories about how others are engaging in relationships and in sexual acts. They then have certain reactions to these stories. Some youth may feel pressured into having sex, which may have started with becoming too emotionally intimate with a partner. Other teens might feel lost, confused, or be struggling with self-esteem. Helping to identify what emotional and mental boundaries need to exist can take the form of asking questions such as:

• How will you know that you are being respected in a relationship? How will you know you are not being respected?
• How are you separating what you want from what your partner wants?
• Do these actions line up with your values and goals?
• How does the thought of having sex, or engaging in a sexual act, make you feel?

Physical

Enforcing physical boundaries can seem like the most concrete, but as emotions and sensations take over, it can be difficult to stand firm. While it is important to teach youth to know their own physical boundaries, it is also important to teach about consent and respecting the boundaries of others. Some questions to discuss include:

• What types of touch are ok with you? What types of touch are not ok?
• What can you do if you feel like your physical boundaries are being violated?
• What might make it difficult to uphold your physical boundaries? Are there ways to avoid those?
• How will you say “no” when you need to?
• How will you stop yourself when someone you are with says “no” or “stop”?

Digital

In the current age of technology and social media, sexting, posting sexual pictures online, or discussing sexual topics are common. Questions to ask youth include:

• How much do you trust social media or people that you send pictures to? Is it possible that your pictures could be seen by more people than you want?
• What do you feel comfortable showing in pictures? What do you feel uncomfortable showing in pictures?
• What topics do you think should be avoided on social media? How would you handle if someone posted something that you were not comfortable with on your page?
• Do you think you have to give access to your phone, social media account, or computer to a partner or friend?

Other Valuable Tips and Topics

With all of the possible topics to discuss, it can seem overwhelming. Some of the most important topics to cover include:

• No always means no. Teach your child that if they say no to someone and this is ignored, that person made a wrong choice. It does not matter if your child had “done it before” or promised to do it for any reason. Your child is allowed to change his or her mind. Also, if your child is with someone and that person says no, it is time to stop. Teach your child that consent matters.
• Address the topic that it might feel selfish or embarrassing to enforce a boundary. It also might be frustrating to figure out how to do so. Encourage your youth to continue the conversation about boundaries with you, or another trusted adult.
• This is not a one-time conversation; continue to educate yourself and your youth, and discuss topics as they arise.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/setting-boundaries/
• https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-training/for-families/index.html
• http://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/tip-sheet-8
• https://www.uky.edu/hr/sites/www.uky.edu.hr/files/wellness/images/Conf14_Boundaries.pdf

Mindfulness at Work

Mindfulness has many definitions but one common theme: being present and aware within the current moment. Based in Eastern thoughts and traditions, mindfulness seeks to help people simplify by delegating focus to one task at a time. In the current world, multi-tasking and efficiency seem to be all the rage, but can leave people feeling exhausted, overworked, distracted, and incomplete.

Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness steers you away from judgmental thoughts, distractions, multi-tasking, and fixating on the past or future. It takes some discipline to put it into practice, but the more often it is practiced, the more likely one will experience the benefits. Mindfulness has been known to help improve sleep, decrease stress, and lower blood pressure. It also has a place in aiding mental wellness, helping to fight against depression, anxiety, and other contributing symptoms. In addition to these benefits, redirecting your thoughts can help you practice good self-care, which leads to an improved mood and better self-image.

On the Job

Ever feel like you worked a solid day, but have no clue what you did? Incorporating mindfulness into the workday might make the difference between feeling satisfied and connected with work, or feeling like each day is monotonous and the tasks are never-ending. By taking a small amount of time during the day to shift your focus, it is possible to adjust your productivity and contentment. Some experts suggest spending 10 – 15 minutes in a mindfulness exercise, at least once a day. However, some exercises are as short as a minute. Mindfulness exercises draw your attention to specific internal or external phenomena, such as breathing, observing your surroundings, or turning off technology. The following are some popular mindfulness practices that can easily be added into the work day.

• Focused Breathing: Sit quietly and pay attention to your natural breathing. If your mind begins to wander, don’t judge yourself. Gently redirect your thoughts back to your breathing. Focus on the different sensations and movements of your body, such as your stomach expanding and the feeling of the air in your nose. Some experts suggest setting an alarm for each hour and doing this activity for a minute throughout the day to help keep stress down and to help re-center.
• Internal Dialogue: Observe your flow of thoughts and emotions. If you have a thought that keeps popping up, allow yourself to focus on that thought to explore what it means and how it might be influencing you. Perhaps you have an image or saying that helps to keep you focused on your values. If so, take some time to close your eyes and repeat this image or phrase to yourself, and bringing yourself back to it any time your mind wanders. Doing this exercise can help you to understand where you may be feeling pressured, and how that might be affecting your work. Instead of distracting yourself when these thoughts or feelings arise, mindfulness will help you to meet this perceived problem as valuable information to know yourself better.  
• Observations: Without judgement, pay attention to any of the five senses that are being triggered, such as sound, sight, touch, smell, or taste. Staying in the present moment, breathe, and direct your mind away from any negative or stressful thoughts. Put your energy and attention into one sense at a time and allow yourself to be completely enveloped by it. This can help you to enjoy your lunch breaks a little more fully, or help you to be more aware of details that are surrounding you. Practicing this can help you decrease immediate reactions and can help you pause to evaluate the best course of action.
• Tune In: Technology - including phones, social media, or email - can often distract us and give us a false sense of connection. Often, we can perceive messages as urgent, and since the scroll of activity never ceases, it can be overwhelming. Getting caught up in technology can wreak havoc on productivity. A great start for incorporating mindfulness into your day is simply to turn off the radio while driving, put your phone into a drawer while working, or only checking your email during certain times of the day. Decreasing multi-tasking means you are increasing mindful attention.

There are many other exercises that can be done to help aid your work day. Finding the right ones that work for you involve a little bit of research, as well as some trial and error. It is important to remember to start small when starting to add mindfulness into your workday. Mindfulness is a discipline and a process. While it may feel awkward at first, building this habit can pay dividends to greater self-awareness and happiness.

Having the Proper Tools

While mindfulness is achieving greater popularity, and can boast of many benefits, it is not the only tool to have in your tool belt. Mindfulness cannot replace critical thinking, time management, organization, or many of the other skills that contribute to work success. The goal of mindfulness is to help you gain another perspective and help you to better utilize the time and skills that you do possess. The more tools you have, the more likely you will be able to use it when needed.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://hbr.org/2016/03/how-to-practice-mindfulness-throughout-your-work-day
• https://hbr.org/2015/02/there-are-risks-to-mindfulness-at-work
• http://mindfulnessatwork.com/
• https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356?pg=2

Hoarding Disorder

What is Hoarding?

Until 2013, hoarding was characterized under the diagnosis of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. In the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, also known as the DSM-5, the pattern of hoarding is now its own diagnosis, called Hoarding Disorder.

A person with Hoarding Disorder has difficulty getting rid of possessions, and experiences significant distress when forced to do so. This often leads to excessive storage of items in their home, which then leads to clutter and disorganization that interferes with normal living. In extreme cases, home appliances might be covered and unable to be used or sanitation and safety of the home might be compromised.

Hoarding Facts

• Hoarding behaviors can start in childhood, with children trying to obtain and keep various items. Typically, parents or guardians interfere with this behavior to help keep homes tidy. However, these behaviors typically worsen with each decade of life if they are not dealt with.
• Most people who hoard have a pattern of indecisiveness.
• Traumatic and stressful events might contribute to hoarding behaviors.
• Items collected can range from newspapers, free pamphlets, clothes, or books to sentimental items or garbage. Some people hoard animals, and can have dozens to hundreds of animals in their home for which they are unable to provide proper care.
• People who hoard normally do so because they find significance in the items. They might:
  • think an item will be helpful in the future
  • have a strong emotional attachment to an item
  • not want to waste anything
  • feel safe when surrounded by their possessions.
• Hoarding is distinguished from collecting or having messy storage areas by noting that people who hoard:
  • obtain many different types of items
  • do not plan to acquire an item, yet end up holding on to any free or purchased item they get
  • live in homes where items are disorganized and take over normal living areas, interfering with daily tasks such as cooking, bathing, and storing food.
  • experience distress when asked to get rid of an item, and their hoarding behaviors are often a source of conflict in their relationships with others including family, friends, and landlords/neighbors
  • have homes that can be dangerous, presenting an increased risk of fire, falling, and being buried by items. These homes can also be unsanitary, possibly putting neighbors and visitors at risk.

How to Help a Person Who Hoards

Getting help for someone who hoards can be difficult. Most people do not seek treatment for hoarding, but for other issues, such as Anxiety and Depression, that are bothering them. While it might seem like cleaning out the home for this person would be a quick fix, it will not stop the hoarding behaviors. It might actually increase their tendency to hoard, and put them further from a healthy living environment and lifestyle.

Instead, begin by educating yourself about hoarding, and ask yourself how hoarding is benefiting the person. It can be helpful to speak with a mental health professional to come up with a plan of how to engage your loved one who hoards, into treatment. There are tools available, like the Clutter Image Rating Scale, that can help with this process. This tool can help them identify what their home looks like. And evaluate if their perspective is accurate. As with any mental health condition, true change will only be accomplished if the person has an internal desire to learn, understand, and try.

Treatment Options

Participating in counseling – also called psychotherapy, therapy, or talk therapy – is one of the primary methods of treating Hoarding Disorder. Counseling might include:

• Motivational Interviewing – This method helps to increase a person’s desire to change by looking at values, motivation, and small steps to achieve change.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – This form of therapy helps people identify how their thoughts influence their behaviors, and how to effectively challenge and change the problematic thoughts and behaviors.
• Psychoeducation and skills training – Taking this approach includes educating people who hoard about Hoarding Disorder, and helps them to gain skills to understand and prevent problematic behaviors.
• Structured Cleaning – Strategically cleaning out the home can be part of treatment. This should be done at specific times, with support offered to the individual to prevent relapse and increase of behaviors.
• Medication – While there is no medication specifically for the treatment of Hoarding Disorder, some psychiatrists recommend different medications to help treat Anxiety and Depression that often occur along with it.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Hoarding: How to help a hoarder, how to get help

• http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hoarding-disorder/home/ovc-20317407
• https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml (used to be specific type of OCD…)
• https://pro.psychcentral.com/dsm-5-changes-obsessive-compulsive-and-related-disorders/004404.html
• https://hoarding.iocdf.org/
• https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Hoarding-Fact-Sheet.pdf

Helping Others Cope With Grief

Death is a universal experience. Despite this fact, it can still leave us shocked, emotional, and confused.  When someone we know or love is processing through grief, there are many things that we can say and do to help. It might be helpful to start with your own experience of grief and remembering how people were able to comfort and support you. However, the most important part of helping someone with grief is to keep in mind that each person can handle a loss differently.

Grief 101

Grief is the natural response to a loss. As you accompany a person through the grief journey, it is imperative that you remember that grief is not a direct path; each day, and possibly each hour within a day, can contain a multitude of emotions and reactions. Your friend might cycle between moments of “normalcy” where it is easier to accept the loss, and moments of anger, sadness, relief, guilt or denial. This is very normal and you can help them through this by meeting your friend where he/she is at the time. Practicing non-judgmental statements and behaviors can be most beneficial; often it is simply your presence that can provide the support that your friend needs.

There is no step-by-step method to “getting through” grief. In fact, depending on the loss that was experienced, the person might experience some symptoms of grief for years. Don’t put a time-limit on your friend’s feelings. Some other things to consider when helping someone include:

• Religion: A person’s religious beliefs might influence his opinion on what happens after death, what the living should do in response to the death, and many other topics. Be respectful and understanding of these concepts, and help your friend to find resources if necessary.
• Culture: Similar to religious beliefs, your friend’s culture (including ethnicity, nationality, and other traditions) can influence how grief is experienced.
• Style: Some people tend to be more open and expressive in their grief and how they communicate their feelings. Others may be more reserved or focused on facts, logic or practical steps to take. Neither style is right or wrong, but unique to every individual.
• Emotional Patterns: You know your friend, and can possibly see where they might need help, even before they need to ask for it.
• Age: Helping a child process grief is going to be different than helping a teenager, or an adult. Children may need to have death explained to them, especially the difference between sleeping and death. Children and teens may also lack coping skills and might regress to earlier behaviors or show an increase in fussiness or irritability. Continue daily routines and encourage them to ask questions – and be prepared to answer the questions.

Helpful Tips

Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes an action is all that is needed. Too often, we think we have to say the exact right thing to help someone feel better, but the truth is that nothing you say is going to be able to fully take away the pain of the loss. While your words might briefly make your friend feel better, it is far more effective to continually offer your presence and help as the healing power that is needed. Just be there.

One very concrete way to offer help is to provide assistance with practical tasks. For example, laundry, eating, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, shoveling the driveway, and other chores all need to be taken care of even when someone is grieving. Often, grief can take all of the energy away from this person, so offering to take care of a chore at a specific time for your friend can be very helpful.

You can also encourage the grieving person to make wise choices, and help him/her to process through certain decisions that arise. Often, this means listening for the majority of the conversation, and helping your friend to come up with answers on her own. You might also offer to participate in certain rituals or traditions with your friend, or help them to establish new ones.

Listening also comes into play as the person grieving might want to share stories. The stories might be repetitive, or they might be of a lot of different memories. The person may also need to talk about feelings that are coming up, or how hard it is to not feel connected to the deceased person anymore. Listen often, and encourage them to talk as much as they need to. If appropriate, it can also be helpful to share your own memories of the person that has died. Avoiding the deceased person’s name or memory will not help your friend, and bringing up the name or memory of the person will not remind your friend that the person is no longer alive. More than likely, your friend will already have thought about missing the deceased multiple times before you bring it up.

Knowing What to Say

• “I am so sorry for your loss.”
• “My favorite memory of your loved one is…”
• “We all need help, especially at times like this. This is what I would like to do for you.”
• “I do not know what to say, but I am here for you.”

Statements to Avoid

• “I know how you feel.”
• “At least he lived a long life.”
• “She is in a better place.”
• “He did this to himself.”
• “You have time to have another child.”
• “There is a reason for everything.”
• “God called her to Him because she was so pure and good.”
• “It was his time.”
• “Be strong.”
• “You need to move on.”

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://foh.psc.gov/NYCU/CopingTips.pdf
• http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/the-dos-donts-of-helping-others-through-grief/
• http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional-health/coping-with-death-and-grief/coping-with-death-and-grief
• http://www.dignitymemorial.com/en-us/library/article/name/gml-help-a-friend?textsize=normal
• https://grief.com/10-best-worst-things-to-say-to-someone-in-grief/

Getting a Divorce

The reality of marriage and the day-to-day struggles lead some couples to pursue divorce. Many times, divorce simply brings different challenges. Before you make that final decision, it’s important to consider all divorce entails.

Thinking It Through

If you are contemplating a divorce you should ask yourself, and your spouse if possible, some potentially difficult questions. Both introspection and interpersonal communication with your spouse are key when evaluating the severity of a divorce. Use the following ideas to springboard these critical conversations.

• Introspection-
  • Why do I want to get divorced? Do I imagine life would be easier alone or with a different partner? Invest some time thinking about your expectations after a divorce.
  • Would I be happier with someone else? If another love interest is involved, your emotions are likely contributing to a romanticized, active imagination. The daily challenges of a new marriage could alter that mental picture. Though you might be happy with a different spouse, new or similar problems might also arise. With some helpful direction or counsel, it’s possible you could be happier with your current spouse.
• Interpersonal Communication-
  • Did we try everything? Marital problems can easily lead one to feel lost, stressed, confused, angry, and hurting. Ask your spouse if they are interested in pursuing marriage counseling, talking with a religious leader, or working on the marriage in another way.
  • Who will stay in the home? Who will get what? The logistics of a spouse moving out or selling a home are real. Splitting what you own and what you owe is necessary. Any marital debt will be split halfway, regardless of whose name is attached to the debt. As much as possible, speaking with your spouse alone on these topics will save time and money. A trained divorce mediator can also help navigate these discussions.
  • What should custody look like? How will you co-parent? Who will talk with the children about these upcoming changes? Divorce drastically affects the emotions and lifestyle of children. Other points to consider are:
    • Will the children have to move homes or change schools?
    • What is each partner’s availability to care for the children?
    • Are you both open to co-parenting, working together toward consistent discipline, communication, and involvement?
    • How will you communicate the separation or divorce to your children? Keep in mind the child’s age, their coping style, and how close they feel to an individual parent.

Walking Through a Divorce

The divorce process varies by state. Usually one person is required to file a petition for divorce. After filing, the other party is formally served divorce papers. A limited amount of time is allowed for said party to respond in writing. Failure to do so may find the served spouse in default. When a party is in default, the case will continue without them, and the individual may lose their rights and ability to participate in the case.

Many states allow “no fault” divorces, meaning that one spouse did not necessarily wrong the other. No specific reasons need be offered either. Many couples simply claim “irreconcilable differences.”

Legal Expertise

Whether your divorce proceedings are emotionally-charged or civil, it’s important to have someone advocating for you. When looking to hire an attorney, consider interviewing at least three divorce attorneys to find one that fits your comfort level. A minimum of five years of experience practicing family and divorce law is highly beneficial. Look for a competent attorney, who is comfortable presenting before a judge if needed. In cases of abuse or domestic violence, a divorce lawyer can offer direction toward support agencies during the separation period.

A divorce attorney will meet with their client before drafting the divorce petition. Financial records, property, assets, and child custody/support will be discussed thoroughly. Your legal counsel will develop a plan for distribution of assets between both parties.

Not all divorce proceedings go to trial. Lawyers often assist couples in communication, negotiations, and other collaborative divorce techniques. If no agreements can be made, a case may proceed to trial where a judge will determine the outcome.

Protecting Assets

Starting over financially or separating joint accounts may seem daunting. Consider the following financial advice to begin your next life chapter.

• Prove income- Collect pay stubs and old tax returns to provide proof of income.
• Budget- Consider what your post-divorce budget will be. This information can help you determine what to ask for in a divorce settlement.
• Establish credit- Apply for your own credit cards. Build credit by using these sparingly and paying the total balance each month.
• Open and close accounts- If you share a bank account with your spouse, document any withdrawals. Share this information openly with your attorney. Open an account in your own name, especially if you’re concerned about misappropriation of funds. Close joint accounts as quickly as possible and place a freeze on your joint credit cards.

If you or your spouse are unable or unwilling to continue the marriage, be prepared to make smart choices. Should your divorce proceedings go into litigation, actions and/or poor decisions will be scrutinized. Avoid gregarious partying, dating, and other reckless choices. Most certainly remember, if children are involved, this divorce will undoubtedly affect the whole family. Use this experience to draw closer with your children by modeling common courtesy, maturity, wisdom, and kindness.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.thespruce.com/what-to-consider-before-divorcing-with-kids-2997368

https://family-law.freeadvice.com/family-law/divorce_law/no-fault_divorce.htm

http://marriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/things-to-consider-before-you-divorce/

https://legalassistancecenter.org/get-help/divorce/

https://www.liveabout.com/things-to-do-before-you-file-for-a-divorce-1103072

Financial Assistance for Caregivers

Changing physical, emotional, or mental circumstances happen in every family. You may find a loved one in need of additional help with housecleaning, meals, laundry, and personal care. Family caregivers can typically ease the burden for a loved one, enabling them to stay in their current home. While providing care minimizes a loved one’s challenges, caregivers often face their own struggles. Physical and emotional stressors, juggling work and caregiving responsibilities, and limited time for themselves and others are common issues. Additionally, financial hurdles and hardships affect many caregivers too.

Financial Assistance Options

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to caregiver financial assistance. Researching the various programs available might seem daunting. Local Area Agencies on Aging or www.benefitscheckup.org are helpful starting points. Typically, financial assistance programs vary by state and may have restrictions. However, there are several programs that may be available, including: state, veterans, long-term care insurance, and caregiver contracts.

• State Programs- Assistance programs vary by state and might be called any of the following program names: consumer-directed, participant-directed, or cash and counseling. These plans help pay for a caregiver of choice. It’s important to note there are income and eligibility requirements for the caregiver of choice, with some states being stricter than others. To find out if your state has a caregiver financial assistance program, contact your local Medicaid office or Aging Services Department. You can also find the National Resource Center for Participant-Directed Services at caregiver.org.
• Veterans Programs- Caregivers of veterans may qualify for additional assistance. A law passed in 2010 provides a stipend for primary caregivers of any injured veteran in military conflict since 9/11. Benefits may include travel expenses, health care insurance, and mental health services. Caregivers of injured veterans prior to 9/11 may still qualify for assistance through a program called the VA’s Aid and Attendance Pension Benefit. Contact 1-877-222-VETS for more information.
• Long-Term Care Insurance- If you are providing care for a family member who has long-term care insurance, there’s a possibility it may cover home care. Some policies allow family members to be paid provided they do not live in the same household. Contact your family member’s insurance agent to explain the policy and its benefits and conditions.
• Caregiver Contract- In some situations, a family member might have the means to pay a relative for the care they provide. In this scenario, write up a contract with the help of an Elder Care lawyer. An experienced legal professional will ensure important areas are covered, such as taxes, inheritance, and potential family dynamics.

Points to Ponder

While it’s important to research your financial assistance options, there are additional considerations too. Tax benefits, program requirements, and how money is spent are key questions.

• Tax Benefits- Contact your tax professional to inquire about any tax deductions or benefits for which you qualify.
• Program Requirements- Some states require certain qualifications to provide care for a family member. Registering as a licensed care provider, background checks, and possible payroll taxes are all examples of state program requirements. Low-cost training may be available to become certified as a licensed elderly care provider.
• Allowances for Allocated Money- Typically “cash and counseling” program monies may be used to purchase items directly related to the patients activities of daily living, or ADLs. Qualifying activities include anything related to the patient’s: feeding, clothing, toileting, grooming, bathing, walking, and maintaining continence. Skills people need to live independently comprise the ADLs list. For example, cleaning services, meal preparation, or laundry services could easily qualify as a patient’s ADLs needs. If necessary, speak with a healthcare provider when adjustments need made to your patient or loved one’s ADLs.

Planning Ahead

When acting as a caregiver, it’s important to practice good self-care. Constantly seeing to the needs of others can leave you depleted and hardly thinking of yourself. It’s important to consider your own future as well, both medical and financial.

• Financial- Be sure to contribute to your own retirement and savings accounts. Speak with a professional financial planner regarding investment banking and to discuss options for your own financial long-term medical care.
• Insurance- Insurance helps to provide peace of mind. Whether homeowners, life, long-term care, or caregiver insurance, having the right insurance for your needs is key. Should an accident occur in your home while caring for a family member, you will want your policy to cover it. An insurance agent will be able to help you select the right coverage for your specific situation. In addition, consider long-term care coverage for yourself and loved ones. The best time to acquire this coverage is in your 50s.
• Respite Care- Caregiving can be a time-consuming, emotionally-wearying experience. Be sure to factor in financial options for respite care. For example, this might be monies allocated for an occasional professional caregiving service to a weekend away for respite care.

The benefits of caregiving are immeasurable, both in shared memories and relationship. However, the financial costs are real. Knowing the caregiving options for financial aid can help you and your loved one make informed decisions in the days ahead. Focus more on what matters most by minimizing the monetary strain.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-06-2012/can-i-get-paid-for-taking-care-of-my-mother.html

http://www.caregivingcafe.com/information/benefits/

https://www.agingcare.com/caregiver-financial-support

Medicare.gov

https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-of-daily-living-what-are-adls-and-iadls

Dealing With Pregnancy at Work

Being pregnant at work can add extra responsibilities and considerations to an already busy day. As the body works overtime to help the baby develop, it is important to take notice of how to stay rested, healthy, comfortable, and safe. 

Staying Comfortable

Common pregnancy issues such as fatigue, swelling, and nausea don’t take a break just because you are at work. In order to continue working through a pregnancy, the first step is to speak with a doctor to learn about any specific concerns or issues to be aware of. Every pregnancy is different, but most women can continue working as long as they make some modifications.

• If nausea is a primary concern, have ginger ale, ginger candy, or ginger tea on hand. It can also be wise to avoid staying in the cafeteria or break room for too long, since certain smells can make nausea worse. Many doctors also suggest eating small meals every two hours, to help aid in digestion. Bland snacks are best, such as crackers, pretzels, or cereal, but listen to your body and what it can tolerate; it is likely that your comfort foods may change periodically.
• If you feel fatigued, you can consider prioritizing and cutting down on the activities that are not high on your list. It is important to get adequate rest, so going to bed early, as well as resting while you are awake, will help you get through the workday. Eating foods high in iron and protein can also help. While at work, drink plenty of water and take frequent breaks.
• To prevent swelling, practice sitting with good posture, in a chair with lower back support. If you sit for most of the day, get up frequently to walk around, even if it is just to the water fountain and back. Some jobs require standing for long periods of time; if this is the case, make sure to have comfortable shoes with good support, and try propping one foot up at a time, and alternating feet.

Avoiding Hazards

When pregnant, your body can be more susceptible to certain hazards. It is smart to speak with your doctor as well as whoever directs health and safety at your workplace, to learn about what changes you should take to keep you and your baby safe. For a more complete list of hazards, check out www.cdc.gov and search for The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) and pregnancy in the workplace.  

• Proper PPE at Work – Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) is one of the most important safety precautions while on the job. Examples include gloves, goggles, ear protection, and protective clothing. As your metabolism and body changes, it may be necessary to upgrade or change out what types of PPE you are utilizing. Some gloves only provide minimal protection from chemicals and some respirators may make it too hard to breathe while pregnant. If you have questions, make sure to ask.
• Preventing Take Home Exposure – Some chemicals or other substances may travel home with you or a loved one and can still be dangerous. To prevent contaminating your home with substances such as pesticides, lead, or anything else brought home from the job, practice these habits:
  • Keep soiled clothes at work, separate from clean clothes that get worn home, or have a spot at home that is reserved for dirty work clothes.
  • Take shoes off outside house.
  • Wash hands and/or shower before leaving work, or do so immediately when you get home.
• Decrease Chance of Injury – Pregnancy causes changes in balance and flexibility, increasing chances for falls and sprains. Utilize proper lifting form every time you have to lift something by bending your legs, keeping the load close to your body, and avoiding twisting. Get up slowly and pay attention to how steady you feel.
• Decrease Chance of Illness – Immune systems also change during pregnancy, making you more susceptible to getting sick. Wash hands often, stay hydrated, keep a healthy diet, and avoid people and places where illness is present, as much as possible.

Pregnant Rights

Workplace discrimination and harassment does happen to women who are pregnant, but is illegal thanks to the Pregnancy Discrimination Act.  This act helps to make sure that pregnant women are guaranteed equal treatment and a woman’s pregnancy cannot legally influence factors such as hiring, firing, pay, and benefits. Women who are pregnant and unable to work can, in some cases, be treated the same as any other employee with a disability. This might include work assigning less demanding tasks, or giving short-term leave. In some cases  (depending on the size of the employer and how long the employee has been with the employer) a woman might qualify for the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which would allow for 12 weeks of leave (paid or unpaid, based on what employee has earned). To learn more about pregnancy rights, search for “pregnancy rights” on the websites for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission  www.eeoc.gov or the U.S. Department of Labor www.dol.gov.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://www.womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/youre-pregnant-now-what/know-your-pregnancy-rights
• https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/pregnancy.cfm
• http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/in-depth/pregnancy/art-20047441
• https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/repro/pregnancy.html

Dealing with Grief on Special Occasions

For many people who are grieving the loss of a loved one, it can seem like there is nothing worse than the day to day heartache and struggles that accompany grief. Yet, many people find that certain days – such as birthdays, Holidays, or certain anniversaries – can trigger even more emotions and pain.

Reawakened Grief

Special occasions are normally a time for celebration. When you are grieving a loved one, it might feel quite the opposite. You might have mixed feelings of joy and sadness, or you might be angry. Perhaps you feel like there is no way you can attend the family get-together, and that you need to stay home. Whatever you may be feeling, know that having grief reawakened at certain times – expected or unexpected – is normal. You should also know that there are ways to prepare and handle any day that comes your way.

• Pay Attention – Your emotions and routines can change when you are gearing up for a holiday, special event, or anniversary. This is normal. You might notice:
  • Anger: including irritability, increased fights with others, or feeling mad all the time.
  • Anxiety: feeling on edge or worried that something else bad is going to happen or that you will cause a scene if you express your emotions
  • Depression: increased sadness, isolating yourself, and not attending your usual functions.
  • Guilt: questioning everything or blaming yourself.
  • Other changes in eating, sleeping, or energy levels.
• Accept the Stages – Grief is a complex experience and does not have a direct course. Your emotions can and will vary. It is helpful to remind yourself of this, and to be flexible enough to adjust your expectations depending on what you are capable of on that day. As you pay attention to yourself, you will be able to better conserve and use your time and energy when you are able. This can help you to commit to your values and carry out the necessary tasks. For example, perhaps you cannot bake the three usual desserts that you bring to a family get-together, but you know you can at least do one. Do the one. Know that you have what it takes to both handle your emotions and engage with your commitments.
• Embrace the Good Days – It is just as important to accept when you are having a good day as it is to be kind to yourself when you are having a bad day. You can make the most of the good days by prepping for your week or the upcoming holiday, or doing any activity that you might not normally have energy for. Some people report thoughts like “I should not be enjoying myself” or “If I am not missing them, I am forgetting them.” These thoughts might appear true, but they are not. You are allowed to continue living and enjoying life even as you grieve, and your thoughts and feelings will undoubtedly change as time passes. This does not mean that the person who died means less to you.  
• Prepare and Self-care – If you know a certain event is coming up that is going to have a strong influence on you, take the time to utilize an action plan. Do one or two activities a day that you know build you up. Examples could include taking a hot bath, going for a walk, talking to a friend on the phone, journaling, or engaging in a hobby. By investing energy into productive habits, you can help your body and mind cope with any added stress in a more efficient way. Also, expecting the symptoms of grief to show up will help you to not be caught off guard. If you know you have multiple obligations around the anniversary of the death, for example, you can try to re-schedule some of them instead of putting undue pressure on yourself at a time that you know will be challenging.
• Start a New Tradition – If certain days affect you more than others, you can use them to help you honor the person’s memory. Start a journal of letters written to the person who died. Donate something in their name as an annual positive reminder. Do a walk or attend a fundraiser for a specific cause that was important to your loved one. You may even consider having a memorial event for the person where you can invite others to share memories together.
• Ask for Help – Everyone needs help sometimes, and especially while grieving. While it may seem difficult, reach out to those who have been helpful and supportive to you. This might include family or friends, a support group, or a counselor or religious leader. If you start to have thoughts about suicide, you can contact a crisis helpline such as 1-800-273-TALK/1-800-273-8255 or call 911. Help is available.

Unexpected Reminders

Sometimes a reminder of a deceased loved one can appear out of nowhere: a certain smell, song, or joke that you hear can be enough to trigger the longing and seem to take you back in time. While it might seem that these instances are a sign of weakness or a setback in your grief journey, these reminders are inevitable. Rather than judge them or look down on yourself, allow yourself to notice what is happening. Root yourself in the present moment, take some deep breaths, and ask yourself:

• What am I noticing?
• What am I feeling?
• Where am I?
• Who am I with?
• What can I do right now to honor myself and the memory of my loved one?

By paying attention to the present moment, you allow yourself to be mindful of the sensation. This helps you to slow down and orient yourself. It can also help you to make decisions that are helpful. The more you allow yourself to feel what is going on, the sooner it can pass since you are not ignoring, suppressing, or pushing it away.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Resources Used

• http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional-health/coping-with-death-and-grief/coping-with-death-and-grief
• https://griefjourney.com/startjourney/for-those-that-want-to-help/articles-for-those-that-want-to-help/dealing-with-special-days-and-holidays/
• http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340
• https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
• http://jasonfoundation.com/prp/files/2012/10/Grief-And-Anniversary-Dates.pdf