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Workplace Etiquette

Etiquette is not a lost art. Knowing the proper ways to present yourself in a certain situation can help to make sure that you are moving toward success. This is especially true at work. If you have ever had a co-worker who ignores certain common courtesies, you know how distracting it can be.

Those distractions can also have negative effects on your team. Ignoring etiquette in the workplace can decrease productivity and team morale, and increase stress and frustration. Often, this becomes a never-ending cycle of negativity. To prevent this, there are many ways to practice workplace etiquette.

Return to the Basics

Saying “please” and “thank you” will provide a stable foundation in any situation. Whether you are the boss or a brand new intern, these words never go out of style. It is also a smart consideration to practice being on time – even early – for meetings. Once at your meetings, be fully present. This means putting your cell phone on silent and in your pocket, while participating in the topic being discussed.

Since each workplace is different, it is smart to review your employment manual, likely given to you when hired, to make sure that you are following workplace rules. This should cover appropriate clothing, technology use, and conflict management. If you do not know where your copy is, check with your Human Resources department. Making sure that you and your co-workers are on the same page can help prevent conflicts.

Cubicle Tips

Working in a cubicle environment provides its own set of rules as privacy is at a minimum. One of the main ways to approach a co-worker who works in a cubicle is to pretend that they are in their own office (because in a sense, they are). When it comes to your own actions at your desk, however, remember that you are not in an office. After taking those factors into account, follow some of these tips:

• If you need to speak with a co-worker, try knocking on their cubicle wall. If they are not able to be disturbed, they can let you know with a raise of the hand, without hopefully being too thrown off from whatever task they were doing (even if it seemed like nothing to you).
• At your own desk, consider making a sign that says “Please Do Not Disturb” if you are working on an item with a deadline.
• Respect co-workers space and property by always asking to borrow an item that they have in their area. If they are not available, find another source.
• Do your best to keep your eyes on your own work, and off of theirs.
• When speaking on the phone, try to use a pleasant telephone voice that is loud enough that you can be heard on the other line, but not so loud that you are distracting those around you. Avoiding speakerphone is also helpful.
• Consider keeping your personal phone on silent, and discussing confidential and personal topics in another location.
• Decorate your cubicle to express your personality and motivate you, but remember that your co-workers and bosses will walk by. Keep your cubicle classy and respectful.

Things to Consider in Shared Spaces

There is more to consider than property and noise concerns at work. All of our senses are involved in our workday, and should be thought of when interacting with co-workers.

• Your selected lunch might smell appetizing to you, but not so much to those around you. Keep your food in the cafeteria and try not to eat at your desk. Taking a lunch break can also help you feel better and re-focus your work when you start up again.
• Pay attention to noises that you make that could be distracting or rude to others. Some examples include pen-tapping, chewing gum, or sighing.
• Some people have a strong reaction to scented products such as perfume, cologne, and lotions. Choose mildly scented products, and keep your application minimal.
• Keep yourself and your area clean: bring your lunchbox home every day and clean it out, maintain an organized system for tasks, and put your garbage in designated areas.
• When you are sick, keep your germs at home and away from your co-workers. Consider attending important meetings via phone or video chat. If you must go to work, keep hand sanitizer and tissues within reach.

Conflict Resolution Tips

If you are noticing someone causing problems in your work place, consult your Employment Manual for how to resolve conflicts according to protocol. If appropriate, speak with your co-worker about their behavior. Approach them with respect and focus on the benefits that can arise from some changes, while also helping to seek solutions. If problems are not getting better, or are getting worse, speak to your supervisor or a representative from Human Resources to help resolve the issue.   

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

• https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-15-rules-of-etiquette-for-the-cubicle/2011/08/10/gIQARJKXFJ_story.html?utm_term=.12a80367a7bbBe
• https://www.nic.edu/modules/images/websites/15/file/The%20Fine%20Art%20of%20Cube%20Etiquette.pdf
• https://www.forbes.com/sites/lisaquast/2014/04/07/office-etiquette-tips-to-overcome-bad-manners-at-work/#3228730a4a37

Crime Victim Support

Victims of crime are often left with many questions: “Why did this happen? What do I do now? Who can I turn to for help?” With all of the questions, emotions, and confusion, it is possible to forget that there are programs in place to offer support. Crimes can include rape, drunk driving, domestic violence, abuse or neglect of children, human trafficking, and more. Often, the crime has effects that are felt far beyond the individuals involved. Support can take the form of financial, physical, emotional, or legal.

Valuable Information

In 1984, the Victims of Crime Act was amended. This act, in combination with the hard work of many advocates, has helped to make sure that victims of crime can receive help, and can continue to work toward positive change in the community. Like every citizen, victims have rights. In many states, the state constitution guarantees certain rights, including:

• The right to be notified of court proceedings related to the offense
• Right to reasonable protection from the accused offender
• Right to have input at sentencing
• Right to know about the conviction, sentencing, imprisonment, and release of the offender
• The right to order restitution from the convicted offender
• Right to be notified of these rights, and any other relevant rights

What to Expect

Since each experience and person is different, recovering from being a victim of crime can be difficult and takes time. It is important that victims are provided support right after the incident, and ongoing support to help with healing and working through any other processes that arise. Beneficial support to offer includes assuring physical safety, helping with emotional responses, and understanding financial and legal implications.

Being a victim of a crime is not a normal experience. It can happen to anyone and there is no “normal” way to respond. Emotional reactions to crime can include: shock or feeling numb, denial or disbelief, anger, depression, anxiety, or stress. In addition to these emotional states, it is possible that there are other mental or physical symptoms, often associated with the trauma of the crime.

Physical symptoms might include:

• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Disruptions in sleep pattern
• Chest pain
• Heightened startle responses

Mental symptoms might include:

• Nightmares
• Problems with memory
• Inability to concentrate
• Indecision
• Confusion
• Flashbacks of the traumatic incident

Most people will experience some of these. If these symptoms last longer than a month and cause significant problems in your daily life, it is possible that may you have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Some people who are victims of crime will develop PTSD, and others will have other long-term effects of a crisis.

Tips for Coping

If you or a loved one has been a victim of a crime, the following tips can help to provide a direction for coping in a healthy way.

• Take care of your body. Initially, this means getting proper medical attention after the incident. This also means continuing to eat healthy, participating in healthy physical activity, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. It is not uncommon to need help with these tasks, as they often are disrupted after a significant event; ask for help and be patient as you adjust.
• Ease back into your normal routine. Making decisions based on how you are feeling that day can help you to be smart and not overload yourself. Work, social events, household chores, and other commitments are important, but so is your safety and wellbeing. The chance of having an accident increases during periods of stress and adjustment, so allow yourself to follow through with commitments, but adapt your schedule if necessary.
• Talk with others. Spending time with loved ones can help you find support and encouragement. Speaking with a professional can provide you with valuable skills and information to heal and move forward. Working on any legal or financial issues can be achieved much easier by having others help. The rights of victims of crime are also continually evolving, and joining an advocacy group can help to continue to make a positive change in your life, and the lives of others.
• Avoid using drugs or alcohol to excess, especially as a method to relieve any pain you are experiencing. Substances only temporarily mask the pain and can add more problems.

Remind yourself that this is just a part of your life. Much like a roller coaster or the changing of the seasons, this period of your life will not last forever. While you may have memories or symptoms from the event that last, you can and will move forward from this event if you find healthy and helpful ways to cope.

Support

Programs are available to help offer support and to help cover expenses incurred from the after effects of crime. These programs are often either state-funded, or non-profit organizations. Expenses might include hospital bills, therapy, funeral costs, or lost wages. It is also common for programs to provide support services such as crisis intervention, emergency shelter, transportation, advocacy for criminal justice, or counseling. The Office for Victims of Crime is run by the U.S. Office of Justice. On its website are resources for victims, headlines, and other valuable information. It also has a national listing of service providers that is regularly evaluated and updated. This can be found at: http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/findvictimservices.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://www.ovc.gov/publications/infores/whatyoucando_2010/WhatUCanDo_508.pdf
• https://www.fbi.gov/resources/victim-assistance/coping-with-victimization
• http://victimsofcrime.org/help-for-crime-victims/get-help-bulletins-for-crime-victims/trauma-of-victimization

Helping Suicide Survivors

When a loved one dies by suicide, it is common to feel shocked, confused, angry, sad, or any combination of emotions. Due to the stigma surrounding suicide, survivors might have a difficult time reaching out to find support to help process through the grief.  

Immediate Considerations

Losing a loved one to suicide is a shock in itself. While nothing can prepare you for this situation, knowing the following, or sharing them with others, can be helpful.

• Police may have to get involved to investigate the death. Often, they will be looking to make sure that it was indeed a death by suicide and not made to look like a suicide by someone else. In the process, they may need to take possessions, letters, or other items. Be sure to keep an inventory of what was taken so it can be returned, and keep in mind that police may also want to question some family members.
• You do not have to speak with media, if they become involved. If you do, consider selecting a spokesperson from the family, or one reporter to talk to, that you can then refer others to.
• It may be necessary for someone to identify the body. If this step is not applicable, keep in mind that you may still want to view the body, to say goodbye. It is wise to consider the nature of the death and if choosing to see the body would be the most helpful choice for you. Research has shown that many survivors who choose to see the body believe it was the right choice.
• It is personal preference on how much information to include in an obituary, however, including the cause of death might help answer questions that you won’t have to answer in person later, prevent rumors, and help garner necessary support.

When planning the funeral, some funeral homes or religious beliefs may not be in the habit of handling deaths by suicide. Make sure to speak with funeral homes and any clergy members involved to make sure that your loved one’s death will be treated with support and dignity.  

Coping with Suicide Grief

Grief is a complex process of emotions, memories, and adjustments. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and most suicide survivors report feeling some of the following:

• Shock
• Denial
• Rejection
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Blame
• Relief
• Shame
• Isolation

Grief following a death by suicide is complex. Often, survivors feel like they cannot talk about it, because of how suicide is perceived in society. Survivors may often feel angry at the deceased, which can cause confusion since they are also sad about the death. Suicide can also cause survivors to feel traumatized, as the sudden and sometimes violent nature can leave lasting thoughts and memories that are hard to ignore.

These factors, and more, can compound the intense feelings of grief and can prevent any healing from occurring. If you are coping with suicide grief, one of the first things to do is find a support system. Handling grief alone is not a beneficial method, so consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend, a mental health professional, or joining a support group for suicide survivors. There are many resources available and can be found through agencies like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which can be found online at www.afsp.org.

Helping Others Cope with Suicide Grief

If someone you know is a suicide survivor, there are things that you can do to help. While it might seem most comfortable to give them space, this could leave them feeling isolated and ashamed. You may not feel totally competent in helping others with suicide grief, but some of the following activities can be a great help.

• Listen – Active listening and a loving presence can provide tremendous support to a survivor. It is not necessary to “have the answer” or know the right words to say, and actually, some statements can leave the survivor feeling misunderstood or more upset. Instead, focus on the words that are being shared and actively choose to be compassionate, understanding, non-judgmental, and patient. Some of the information shared might seem repetitive or confusing to you, but just giving them a chance to share it can make a huge difference.
• Offer Your Help – When mourning a loss, family and friends often need more help with day to day tasks such as grocery shopping, preparing meals, running errands, and watching children or pets. You can ask “What can I do to help?” or better yet, offer to help with a specific task and let them know when you are available to do so.
• Build A Legacy – Some families may struggle to discuss memories of the person who died, and may even struggle to state the name of the person. It is kind to follow the lead of those closest to the deceased, but it can be helpful to remember the deceased and join in on sharing memories when the time is right. You can also consider donating to a memorial or attending a Suicide Awareness walk in memory of the deceased.
• Be There Long Term – Grief is an ongoing process, and as the weeks, months, and years continue on, a survivor may need more assistance around certain Holidays, days, or anniversaries. Sending a card or calling to check in can be thoughtful and helpful. You will not be reminding them of the loss; likely, they never forgot it in the first place.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/help_heal.shtml
• http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors
• https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/
• https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/suicide/art-20044900
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/suicide-survivors-face-grief-questions-challenges-201408127342

Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Being sexually abused as a child can have lasting effects on an individual. Sexual abuse can take many forms: exposure, spying without permission, genital contact, penetration, sexual jokes, exploitation, pornography, and other types of interaction are some examples. Often, the abuse is done by a person who the child already knows or trusts. The effects of the abuse as an adult will depend on a variety of factors, and the good news is that support is available and healing is possible.

Understanding Trauma

Some common symptoms of trauma include:

• Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels
• Health issues, including pain, headaches, stomachaches, and others
• Trouble concentrating
• Self-blame, shame, guilt
• Increased fear and hypervigilance
• Dissociation, feeling disconnected or numb
• Flashbacks
• Anger or thoughts of revenge
• Depression, despair, hopelessness
• Suicidal ideation
• Decreased trust and increased relationship problems

Experiencing a trauma is often a life-changing event. Some individuals will develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and many will experience symptoms that change their lifestyle. Trauma changes the perception of the world and people in it. Exactly how a trauma will influence an individual is hard to tell, but research has shown that these factors can provide information:

• Frequency of the event – In general, the more often an individual experienced the traumatic event, the more severe the impact can be.
• Relationship with the perpetrator – Having a close relationship with the person prior to the abuse can have a more severe impact, especially if the perpetrator was a family member.
• Intensity of the event – As the intensity of the abuse increases, so too can the effect on the individual.
• Age at time of the event – The younger an individual was, the more likely it is that abuse can have a more serious impact.
• Level of support to individual – The more support an individual has prior to, during, or after the event the more likely for healing and the easier it can be for the individual to recover.
• Beliefs of the individual – Different life perspectives and beliefs can dramatically influence a person’s experience and opinion on the trauma and recovery.

It is important to remember that while some of these patterns have been observed, an individual who has been sexually abused has had their rights violated. Even once instance of inappropriate sexual contact can be traumatic and have an influence on life choices.  

Specific Issues

Those who experienced sexual abuse as children may grow up to have a higher chance of developing the following concerns:

• Depression
• Negative self-image
• Pervasive guilt, shame, or self-blame
• Body image issues, Eating Disorders
• Chronic health concerns, pain, somatic complaints
• Avoiding routine healthcare and dental checkups
• Stress and Anxiety
• Trouble developing relationships, including:
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Difficulty establishing boundaries
  • Getting into abusive relationships
• Sexual difficulties, including but not limited to:
  • Avoiding sex
  • Lack of interest in sex
  • Approaching sex as an obligation
  • Difficulty becoming aroused or experiencing orgasm
  • Pain during sex
  • Feeling distant during sex
  • Utilizing compulsive or inappropriate sexual behaviors

Healing

Finding relief from trauma symptoms is possible. One of the biggest hurdles that adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse face is overcoming the stigma and shame of telling someone of the past abuse. Men especially may find it difficult to share that they were sexually abused. For most, it is easier to avoid the thoughts, feelings, and any reminders of the abuse. All of this can prevent any progress of healing, as isolation, fear, and dysfunctional behaviors can take over.

This first obstacle can be defeated when a person finds a safe relationship in which to confide. This might be a friend, counselor, or staff member at a Sexual Abuse Crisis Center. Many times, people are encouraged to share about their past after hearing a similar story that provides hope and encouragement. Having the proper support can make a tremendous difference in the process of healing.

Trauma informed care is one approach to healing, and can be applied in a variety of ways. It includes being educated about trauma and the effects it has on an individual.  It also proposes concepts such as safety, trust, choice, community, empowerment, and a cultural perspective. These concepts, in addition to supportive relationships, help the individual to regain an understanding of how sexual abuse as a child influenced any previous patterns of coping, and how they can regain the ability to take their life in a direction of their choice. Trauma informed care is often provided in counseling/therapy or through interactions with support groups at Crisis Centers or other service agencies. Care should always be provided by a trained individual.

Some components of healing include:

• Building skills to help manage symptoms of trauma as well as how to engage in healthy relationships.
• Educating about trauma.
• Encouraging communication of internal experiences such as feelings, thoughts, and any flashbacks or other concerns. Most survivors have spent years keeping these silent, so encouraging communication in appropriate settings is beneficial and helps teach how to utilize emotions in a productive way.
• Strategizing for various circumstances, such as going on a date, attending family reunions, going to the doctor for a physical, or any other event that proves to be problematic.
• Engaging in non-verbal therapies such as yoga, running, gardening, working with animals, art, or other formats. These methods help individuals to regain a sense of connection to their physical experiences in a positive way and can provide excellent adjuncts to other forms of healing.

How to Seek and Offer Support

If you are looking for support, you can do an online search for local agencies that provide counseling and other services for adult survivors of sexual abuse. Organizations like the YMCA and YWCA could be a good place to start, and often offer childcare services. You can also check with your insurance for mental health benefits, or look up local agencies that provide mental health services at a decreased cost, as long as you qualify.

If you are the loved one of a survivor, you can participate in the healing process in multiple ways. Firstly, you can educate yourself about trauma and begin to have conversations that encourage understanding and developing options for how you can offer the proper support needed. Building trust, choice, and long-term connection can help the individual overcome different social problems. If you are the partner of a survivor, these skills can eventually help to resolve any sexual concerns, too.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/Publications_RSP_Action-engagement-remembering-services-for-adult-survivors-child-sexual-abuse.pdf
• https://www.rainn.org/articles/adult-survivors-child-sexual-abuse
• https://www.counseling.org/docs/disaster-and-trauma_sexual-abuse/long-term-effects-of-childhood-sexual-abuse.pdf?sfvrsn=2

Dealing With Chronic Pain

Pain is a natural, normal aspect of life, and all pain is real.  Some is easily pinpointed, such as acute pain.  This pain occurs as a warning of disease or another threat to the body and it can range from mild to severe, lasting in time from a mere moment to several months.  Examples might include a broken arm or an abscessed tooth.

Acute pain is concrete and disappears after treatment, surgery, or the injury has healed. It is important to seek treatment for acute pain; if left untreated, it may lead to a more serious pain condition known as chronic pain.

What is Chronic Pain?

Chronic pain differs from acute pain in the way that pain signals remain active in the nervous system for longer than six months.  Chronic pain impacts daily activities and functioning and can result in emotional and psychological effects as well as physical ones. There are no clearly identifiable causes for chronic pain, as it is very subjective, but nonetheless, still very real. For example, you might be feeling very anxious about an upsetting event.  Your lower back begins to hurt, and you may seek medication.  In this case, anxiety and emotional pain can be capable of triggering physical pain, but that does not invalidate or minimize the very real experience of the physical pain.

More than 100 million Americans are affected by some form of chronic pain from known causes like arthritis or nerve damage; but sometimes the source of pain remains unknown.  Beyond the physically stressful side effects (i.e. tense muscles, limited mobility, sleeplessness, and low energy/fatigue), there are emotional and psychological effects that can occur. Anger, decreased self-esteem, fear of injury, reduced sex drive, and concerns of social isolation are common.  Anxiety and depression are also potential risks of chronic pain, and this emotional response can cycle back and increase physical pain.  In addition to seeking medical care for physical pain and pain management, you also may need assistance with the emotional and psychological struggles you and your family may be experiencing.  

Coping with Chronic Pain

There is hope, and chronic pain does not need to destroy your life.  Here are some strategies to help you or loved ones with the many complexities of chronic pain: 

• Practice being positive- Emotions can drive our experience with pain: Guilt, fear, anger, loneliness, and helplessness are five emotions that make pain significantly worse.  A helpful solution is to keep refocusing on things that are positive.
  • Focus on what you can do to improve your quality of life, rather than what is outside of your control.
  • Celebrate small improvements when they occur, even in the presence of pain.
  • Forgive yourself if you do have a physical, emotional, or psychological setback. Remind yourself that some days will be better than others.
• Stay active- Positive thinking becomes easier when you surround yourself with people and activities you enjoy. Relaxing exercises that take your focus off the pain can really make a difference.  Some examples might be completing word puzzles, Pilates or yoga, gardening, playing board games, reading, or listening to music you enjoy. 
• Increase good habits- By now we all know eating well, getting enough rest and exercising are keys to a healthy lifestyle, but they cannot be overstated. These elements are crucial to positively coping with chronic pain.  In addition, dehydration can aggravate chronic pain symptoms.  Stay well hydrated and avoid sugary and caffeinated beverages as much as possible. 
• Be informed- There is a definite risk of becoming addicted to prescription pain medication for some people. Pain relievers may be extremely effective, but it’s important to have a conversation with your doctor about whether they are right for you.  In any case, taking medication responsibly is critical. 
• Set realistic goals- Set goals to improve your daily life function, and seek out professional help if you need assistance with these steps. It is counterproductive if your pain is eradicated but your abilities and productivity worsen.  Many times it is simply unrealistic to eliminate all pain; however, you can improve your quality of life every day.
• Seek strength in numbers- You are not alone. Finding a support group or seeking guidance from a medical or mental health professional can help you through the journey of chronic pain.  Having a safe place to talk and process through the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of the challenge can prove invaluable.   

While the cause of chronic pain might be unknown or poorly understood, this does not invalidate its severity.  One of the greatest gifts you can give to those dealing with chronic conditions is to listen to and believe them.  Trust they are doing their best to communicate their needs, struggles, and hopes.  Operating with compassion, sensitivity, and a kind sense of humor is essential whether you or a loved one face the immense challenge of chronic pain.     

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/chronic-pain.aspx

http://theacpa.org/art-of-pain-management

Avoiding Burnout

There are many “outs” in life.  We can be stressed out, worn out, and experience burnout.  As passionate as we may feel about our work, we are all susceptible to burnout if we fail to exercise good self-care and relaxation techniques.  Burnout is a constant feeling of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion and pessimism in the workplace.  This usually results in a decline in performance and passion.  You may experience doubt over your job competence and value in the workforce.    

Early Signs of Burnout

There are several early warning signs of burnout.  Do you dread coming back from vacation?  Are you experiencing interpersonal problems at work and home, growing irritable and impatient?  Do tasks you once enjoyed no longer excite you?  Can you concentrate easily on assignments?  Is your overall attitude pessimistic toward your coworkers and your performance?  These questions are all indicators of a burnout.  There are also several health problems that may arise from chronic stress in the workplace.  Burnout symptoms have been linked to anxiety, depression, digestive problems, weight fluctuations, and changes in sleep patterns. 

Triggers of Burnout

What ultimately leads to workplace burnout?  It’s different for everyone and could be a variety of items or one major one.  Here are some possibilities:

• Limited or no control- Perhaps your schedule or job requirements are determined for you- without your input. Lacking sufficient resources to do your job effectively may also trigger burnout.  
• Expectations- If an employer anticipates a higher performance than possible, this could cause an increase in stress. Also, when expectations are unwritten or unclear, this brings confusion and interpersonal turmoil. 
• Job mismatch- Are you currently in a position not suited for your skillset or interests? Boredom, frustration, and long term stress may occur. 
• Social dynamics- It’s no secret there are introverts and extroverts. Some people work best in solitude; while others would not.  Isolation could lead to internal and/or external stress. 
• Clashing values- Differences in values or convictions can be deeply felt. Situations resulting from a clash in business ethics may produce emotional stress.
• Out of balance- When work begins to eat up your energy and time for family or social events resentment may appear and accelerate to burnout.

Preventing Burnout

Far from being inevitable, burnout is actually preventable.  Consider putting these practices in place to help in avoiding workplace burnout:

• Take small breaks- Your overall performance can be impacted negatively by failing to take (short) breaks. Concentration wanes after a long, laborious stretch; so take a quick five or ten minutes.  Your brain will thank you. 
• Evaluate- Take a step back to see how you are using your time. Where and when are you most productive?  How is the quality of your work?  Being efficient does not equal being effective.  Take inventory and prioritize your time. 
• Set vacations in stone- If you are financially able, plan that trip today. It will give you something to anticipate.  Or consider doing a “staycation,” and treat yourself to some rest and relaxation. 
• Reward yourself weekly- Establish a routine that invests in you. Perhaps, schedule a dinner out with the family or coffee with a friend.  You will be more motivated to complete a task when you have something fun to look forward to each week.
• Determine what’s urgent- We are easily distracted by items we label as urgent. Whether that’s email, phone calls, or administrative work, set less-urgent tasks aside for later. This will increase your productivity and help you feel more organized.
• Build community with coworkers- Relationships with positive people who inspire and motivate you are important. Negativity breeds exponentially, so look for coworkers who can empathize with your challenges and encourage you.   
• Note your negative feelings- Pay attention to your negative thoughts and jot them down. Which of these situations can you control?  Focus on what you can change about your work and environment.  This mindset allows you to control more choices in your career.
• Engage new passions- Look for a new hobby to catch your interest during the week. Often, new activities reignite passions for forgotten interests.
• Unplug your devices- Avoid checking your office email, voicemail, and logging in to do work when you’re not in the office. Maintaining a clear distinction between work and home allows you to be fully present and enjoy whichever one you choose.
• Practice self-care- Taking care of yourself with proper rest, exercise, and nutrition is essential to reducing your risk for or managing existing burnout.  Research shows that less than six hours of sleep nightly speeds your chance of burning out.  Good self-care, conversely, will bring you more energy and increase your productivity. 

If you think you may be experiencing signs of job burnout, ignoring the symptoms is never the best decision.  Ask your doctor or schedule an appointment with a mental health professional before you feel worse.  Implementing these strategies, as well as healthy self-care, will help restore the passion for what you enjoy most.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://fortune.com/2012/10/08/5-ways-to-avoid-burnout-at-work/

http://idealistcareers.org/5-things-you-can-do-each-day-to-prevent-burnout/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642?pg=1

How to Choose a Counselor

What is Counseling?

Counseling – also referred to as therapy or psychotherapy – is the process of working with a professional to help you achieve certain life goals. Oftentimes, people seek out counseling because they have run into a rough spot in life. For example, you might be struggling to adjust to a life transition, feeling more depressed, or engaging in harmful behaviors such as gambling or using illegal drugs. Upon meeting with your counselor, you will work to identify the problem areas of your life, and begin to work toward achieving the changes necessary to get the lifestyle that you desire.

While there are many people who can help in these situations, it is important to know what type of professional you will be working with. The following four professions are all regulated by the state in which you live, and must have a valid license in their respective field to practice.

• Counselor/Therapist: Someone who has received a Master’s Degree in Counseling, or a similar field. This title means that they have thoroughly studied counseling tools, theories, and interventions, including the proper way to work with various mental health issues.
• Psychologist: Someone who has received a Doctorate in Psychology. This requires more schooling beyond a Master’s, and sometimes means that they can also do testing (that can be beneficial in certain cases).
• Psychiatrist: Someone who has received their Doctorate, but unlike Psychologists, received it in the medical practice. Psychiatrists are the only providers who can prescribe medications. Some Psychiatrists provide counseling as well, but many times this is a separate person.
• Social Worker: Someone who has received a degree in Social Work. Social workers often provide counseling, but they also focus on causing change in the community, including legislative efforts, and work to help their consumers find the right resources in their community to help them. Social Workers might have a Bachelor’s Degree, or a Master’s Degree.

There are other professions that offer similar results. For example, life coaches or speaking with a pastor can be very beneficial.  However, these positions are not always as regulated or as informed about the mental health needs of people entering into services.

Questions to Ask

Once you have decided that you want to speak with someone, it can be valuable to do a little bit of research before contacting them. Looking online and or asking people who you trust can offer some ideas about where to start. Picking the right Counselor for you will help to make your experience more enjoyable, and more productive. Here are some questions to ask when you are trying to pick a counselor:

• Ask yourself: “Who do I want to speak to?”
  • Would you rather speak to someone of the same gender? Same age? Same ethnicity? Picking someone with whom you will feel the most comfortable can help you to open up and get the most out of your sessions.
  • Do you want to incorporate your religion/spirituality? Counselors should never force their beliefs on you, but if you feel it is important to include your faith or belief system into your counseling, you can look for someone who advertises those services.
  • Do you have a preference for the type of licensed professional you want to speak with? Each profession offers something a little different, and it might matter to you exactly who you speak with. Keep in mind that service costs will likely vary based on the type of licensure that they have.
  • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
    • Do you have a specific population that you prefer to work with?
    • Do you offer faith-based services?
    • What license do you have?
    • How long have you been working in this field?
  • Ask yourself: “How am I going to pay for this?”
    • If you have insurance coverage, a great first place to start is by contacting your insurance company to see what type of Behavioral Health/Mental Health services they cover. Often, they will refer you to a list of providers that they will help pay for. It is common that insurance coverage only lasts for so many sessions per year, so be sure to ask about their policy.
    • If you do not have insurance, you will be paying “out of pocket.” Counselors should discuss their fees with you before you engage in treatment. Many offer a sliding scale fee, which adjusts the cost of a session as based on your income, to help make sessions affordable. You could also search for non-profits or community based programs that offer scholarships or use grants to help fund services.
    • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
      • What insurances do you work with?
      • What are the fees associated with your services?
      • How do most people pay for services?
    • Ask yourself: “How do I think I can achieve my goals?”
      • The answer to this question will help you focus in on what theoretical approach you want your counselor to have. Most counselors will have a specific way that they choose to engage their clients. For example, a counselor might focus more on behavior, thoughts, or feelings. It is possible to focus on all three. There are countless ways to do this, so asking up front can help you prepare for what your sessions will look like.
      • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
        • What theories do you use? What does that mean?
        • What does a session with you look like?
        • How often will we meet?

Contacting potential counselors is the best way to select the best counselor for you. Aim to select someone who you feel comfortable with, but will challenge you in the areas you know you want to change. If you are unsure, keep searching. Or, pick someone to get you started – you can always transfer to another counselor at a later time.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 Sources

• http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx
• http://www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help/non-medical-counseling?content_id=282333
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freudian-sip/201102/how-find-the-best-therapist-you

Pets and the Benefits They Offer

History has provided a long account of humans enjoying the company of animals. At times, animals have served as valuable resources to accomplish tasks like farming or transportation. Nowadays, the roles of animals have changed and many are commonly housed and cared for as pets.

Some people prefer cats and others prefer dogs. There are some people who also choose reptiles, amphibians, fish, rodents, or spiders. Still others prefer horses, pigs, or birds. Perhaps a pet is chosen based on a person’s lifestyle or personality, but there are some themes that ring true for why a person chooses to have a pet…and many benefits that arise from doing so.

Health Benefits

There have been numerous studies done to show what effect pets have on humans. While there is limited knowledge in explaining exactly how this happens, statistics are showing the following benefits:

• Decreased blood pressure
• Decreased cholesterol and triglyceride levels
• Decreased feelings of loneliness
• Increased chance of physical, outdoor activity
• Increased chances for socializing
• Improved quality of life

Other health benefits of consistent exposure to pets that have some strong science behind them include

• Decreased chance of developing animal allergies
• Increased emotional awareness
• Decreased stress, anxiety, and depression

It is important to consider that there is a difference in the type of pet and the above outcomes. For example, dog owners specifically have a higher likelihood to be more physically active.

Developmental Benefits for Youth

Research has shown that animals are also beneficial for youth. Early exposure to animals might contribute to decreased chances of developing animal allergies, and increased emotional awareness. Many kids also have stated that their pets are their best friends, or are a great source of comfort to them when they are upset. Participating in the care of having a pet can also help to teach responsibility and care for other living things, which can boost a child’s social and emotional intelligence, as well as their work ethic.

Emotional Benefits

Being around animals has many emotional advantages. Pet owners report less stress and a higher quality of life than non-pet owners. Many people report that the unconditional love that pets offer is very healing and comforting. Having the right pet can also help to give you a sense of purpose, which will fuel your sense of self and motivation. For those with mental health concerns, such as Anxiety, Depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, having an animal around can provide a dramatic enhancement in wellness efforts. Trained service animals are utilized to help people with a variety of conditions such as blindness, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and PTSD. These animals are valuable companions for their owners.

There are many Animal Assisted Therapies that are making a difference in people’s lives, as well. Hospitals across the country have started to allow dogs and cats to visit patients, asserting that it increases morale and recovery. Mental health care is also being revolutionized as some counselors are incorporating time and activities working with animals into sessions for their clients. Dogs and horses are common choices for this type of therapy and help to add an active and experiential component that aids in treatment.

Stress and Animals

Taking care of an animal is a commitment. Once you own a pet, you are responsible for providing appropriate shelter, food, medical care, training, and exercise. However, for all of the burdens that owning a pet can add, one of the main reports of pet-owners is that having a pet decreases the total amount of stress in their lives.

Finding the Right Pet for You

How do you know what pet will be right for you? Here are some questions that can help you to narrow down the list to the ideal pet for your lifestyle.

• What is your schedule like?
  • For example, are you away from home for long periods time? Are you a morning or evening person?
• Do you travel often?
  • Some animals can be left alone more easily than others, so you will want to be prepared to have someone watch your pet or have it taken care of at another location.
• Where are you living?
  • Some rentals have rules about what animals are allowed.
  • You want to consider having enough space and a home that can maintain the right equipment for your pet.
• Can you afford a pet?
  • Keep in mind that some expenses are unexpected.
• What experience do you have with animals?
  • If owning a pet will be a new experience for you, make sure you do some research about training, equipment, and any other information that can be helpful.

Speaking with your family and friends can be very helpful as they might have suggestions or tips for you. Doing research online and by reading books is also essential. Many times, you can find local places where you can adopt a pet and meet it before you bring it home. Try contacting your local Humane Society, animal shelter, or other rescue organizations. You can also start your search online at websites like petfinder.com – a directory of adoptable pets from shelters and rescue organizations nationwide. It is recommended to do some research to make sure you are adopting from a humane source, so consult with the American Kennel Club to find reputable breeders, and make sure to check out breed rescue organizations. If you are not in the position to own a pet right now, you might want to consider volunteering or working at a local shelter, barn, or other location where you can work with animals. That way you can still get some of the benefits until you are able to have a pet of your very own.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/health-benefits/
• https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2009/February/feature1.htm
• https://habri.org/

Managing the Stress of Parenting

Being a parent provides many fulfilling and beautiful moments. Often, parenthood can encompass the majority of your schedule and is at the forefront of your mind. Occasionally, you might have more trouble coping with the responsibilities of parenting. Learning about stress can be a valuable life lesson.

Stress

Most of the time stress is easy to identify. However, sometimes you might prefer to blame how you are feeling on something else. If you are noticing any of the following symptoms, you might have a high stress level:

• Headaches, stomachaches, or chest pain/heavy chest
• Muscle tension/pain
• Fatigue, sleep problems
• Anxiety, feeling restless, feeling overwhelmed
• Irritability, anger
• Lack of motivation or focus
• Depression, sadness

Many of these symptoms can be attributed to other causes, but if you notice that you also have had a significant lifestyle change – increasing drug or alcohol use, increasing or decreasing how much you eat, are fighting more often, or are not participating in activities that you enjoy – you could be experiencing stress.

Stress is a normal reaction to environmental changes and helps to prepare the body to prioritize and act as necessary to respond to the changes. At times, stress can become constant. The changes that stress causes in the body are helpful in short bursts, but can be hurtful if prolonged, leading to high blood pressure, weight gain, heart disease, diabetes and mental health issues.

Another important side effect of your stress is the impact it has on your children. While many parents think that they can hide their stress, children are able to notice and when parents are stressed and be bothered by it. Stress can make you less understanding and more critical of your child. It can also decrease the quality of your relationship with your children. Furthermore, how you handle your stress is one of the first examples that your children have for how to handle their own stress.

Tips to Handle Stress

Even if you are not feeling the effects of stress, incorporating these tips into your family’s activities can help to prevent stress and teach healthy coping.

• Do a stress self-assessment – Increase awareness of your own habits by asking yourself how you handle stress. Do you drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes? Eat a special treat? Blow off steam by yelling? By paying attention to what choices you make when stressed, you have a firm basis for knowing what might need to be adapted.
• Take some “Me Time” – Being a parent is a 24 hour job. However, taking some time to be you and to relax and rejuvenate can make a significant difference in the quality of parenting that you can provide. Spend time with friends, read a book, go for a walk, take a bath, or re-connect with your spouse over a date night. If finding or affording a babysitter is a challenge, look into community events or gyms that offer free childcare.
• Build healthy habits – Developing a solid routine full of the fundamentals of health can prevent stress from taking over. Make sure to eat as many nutritious foods as you can and eat regularly throughout the day. It is also important to stay hydrated, get enough sleep, and get regular physical activity. Bonus: most children also respond well to consistent schedules.
• Increase quality time – Maybe it is time to say no to extracurricular activities and yes to spending a night at home with the family. Or find a creative way to build quality family time into your schedule.
• Talk – If you are feeling stressed, or notice that your child is, talk about it and help them to understand what role emotions play in life. You may also want to consider talking to a mental health professional, if your stress does not seem to be improving.

Single Parents

If you are raising children on your own, you face some unique stressors. The following tips can help to keep stress at a minimum.

• Know your budget – Financial issues can add up quickly, so keep to your budget. If you need a job or financial assistance paying for groceries or bills, contact employment agencies or local community services for assistance.
• Use support systems – Join a single parent group, keep regular contact with friends, and make connections with other community services. No one can do it totally alone and you need to find appropriate sources of support and sympathy. Your pediatrician or doctor’s office can provide helpful connections to community services if you feel like you do not know where to start.
• Plan child care – Have a list of trusted babysitters ready for any instance where you may need to go somewhere without your children.
• Use consistent discipline – Perhaps your child will be alternating between the home of each parent. Try to work together to provide as consistent a discipline method as possible.
• Talk – Provide time to allow your children to express their thoughts and feelings on any changes in the family, and talk with them – at an appropriate developmental level – to keep them in the loop.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201306/4-tips-managing-parenting-stress
• https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/Stresses-of-Single-Parenting.aspx
• http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/managing-stress.aspx
• http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987

Healing after Infidelity

For many individuals, the opportunity to enter into a relationship outside of marriage or a committed relationship has presented itself. It might be with a co-worker, new acquaintance, high-school fling, or an online contact. When a couple has committed to an exclusive and permanent relationship, engaging in unsuitable interactions can break trust and tarnish the marriage or long-term relationship. For those who believe in the permanence of marriage or commitment, finding a way to heal after these events is vital.

Defining Infidelity

The basic translation of infidelity is “unfaithful.” Being unfaithful might include a variety of actions, including emotional, physical, and mental choices. While physical infidelity can be the most obvious, including hand-holding, caressing, kissing, and sexual acts, it is not the only way to cheat. Engaging in an emotional affair can also cause damage to a marriage.

Upon being discovered, the person who is in an emotional affair may claim that it is just a “friendship.” However, it is different than making a new friend; an emotional affair includes deep conversations about matters that should be and previously were reserved for the spouse. Often, the person experiences a need to hide this relationship, but works to make sure that specific time and effort are put into it.

Healing after an affair is possible, and the following tips can help it along.  

For the Spouse who Cheated

1. End the Affair – One of the quickest things that can be done to encourage healing and re-build trust in your long-term relationship is to stop talking to and seeing your previous lover. Promise to your spouse that you will not interact with this person anymore. If you work with the person, keep interactions professional and tell your spouse. You might want to look into getting a new job. Alternatively, consider blocking their contact info in your phone or computer.
2. Be Honest – Speaking with your significant other is going to be difficult. If you want to build up trust, the best thing to do is to answer any question that they ask. If they find out details about the affair later, they might feel newly betrayed which can delay healing and reconciliation.
3. Empathy and Patience – Betrayal is a difficult barrier to get over, especially if you are angry that your partner can’t “get over it.” Your choices had a strong effect on your significant other, causing pain and breaking trust; the sooner you offer them understanding, the better chance that healing can occur. Also, try not to expect a quick reconciliation as there will probably be a lot of tears, questions, anger, and conversations before you are completely forgiven.
4. Own Up – Take responsibility for your choices and your part in the affair. Blaming your partner for anything that you believe led you to cheat on him/her will not bring healing. Apologize for what you did, and the pain you caused. Admit to what you have done wrong in the relationship, and commit to working on those issues.

For the Spouse who was Betrayed

1. Ask Questions – While it may seem counter-intuitive, having more information can help bring about healing. The more you talk with your significant other, the more you can learn about what choices she made, and what choices she wants to continue to make. Your partner can use this time to re-build a sense of trust, as she chooses to embrace honesty as an important part in your relationship again. Questions may range from facts about the affair, to asking about the weak points in your own relationship that might need to be strengthened. You should also consider asking about what your partner wants for the future, including if she want to continue seeing the lover, repair your relationship, seek counseling, or something else.
2. Control Your Emotions – This is an emotional situation, but adding intense reactions to your conversations with your partner will not be helpful. If you want to gain a sense of understanding and healing, practice taking deep breaths throughout the conversation. If your significant other sees that you are upset, it might prevent him from sharing all of the information that needs to be said.
3. Focus on the Affair – Take time to focus on the affair and take a time-out if needed. Use this time to talk about your feelings with your partner: your worries, upset, shame, and feelings of betrayal.  As you move forward in repairing your relationship, it can be helpful to limit how long you talk about the affair. Try limiting conversations to 30 minutes, or so. Ask questions as they come up so that you do not develop a long set concerns or feel too upset. Your spouse might struggle with a sense of self during this time, so limiting conversation time can be productive for both of you.
4. Focus on Your Relationship – It will be important to re-build a sense of intimacy with your partner, especially as he is distancing himself from his lover. Spend time together to help build connection and enjoyment around shared activities, fun events, and meaningful friends and family. Re-discover what your values and goals are and discuss these. Talk about the things that you want to work on together, to make your relationship strong.
5. Find Support – Joining a support group or speaking with a counselor can help you process this situation. You might consider seeking individual support, or support that is geared for you and your significant other together. It might be helpful to include some friends or family members, especially if they knew about the affair. Healing the relationship will include having supportive family and friends who can encourage and help you practice forgiveness to your partner.
6. Forgive – Forgiveness does not mean that you are okay with what happened. Take your time to process through your thoughts and feelings surrounding the affair. When you are ready, forgiving your significant other will help you to get rid of negative feelings and will help you to move forward. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 Resources Used

• http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
• http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/15-steps-to-surviving-an-affair/
• http://www.leaderu.com/offices/stoll/marriage.html
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-gets-better/201406/emotional-affairs-why-they-hurt-so-much
• http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/emotional-cheating-guilty#1

How to Choose a Career Counselor

Want to find a job? Interested in a career switch?  Thinking about going back to school? You can learn all of the necessary information online to answer your questions on how to do this. However, there may be a few pieces of practical information and guidance that you cannot get from the World Wide Web, and should receive from a professional.

Why Use a Career Counselor?

Career counselors are specially trained to help you choose a career. They are informed about various assessment tools, theories, and trends that can help you to find a career that will be a good fit for you. They can do this in a variety of ways:

• Increasing self-awareness – By facilitating discussion and utilizing assessment tools, career counselors can help you to learn about your interests, skills, values, and personality type. Most importantly, they can help you learn how these can align with various careers.
• Gaining valuable information about trends – Career counselors have studied the various resources that can help you to learn about any careers that you might be interested in. They can help you learn about education options, what skills are necessary for a career, what the job market looks like, or what salary to expect. They can even help to suggest career options that are similar to what you want, yet might be a better fit for you based on your priorities.
• Developing and carrying out plans – Each step of the way, you can have guidance on how to carry out your vision. You can get assistance doing a job search, putting together your resume and other similar documents, understanding salary and benefit packages, gaining interview skills, engaging in the proper preparation (including school or other training programs), and utilizing a Plan B when needed.

What to Look For

If you are in school, you may have access to a counselor for free. If this is the case, take advantage of the opportunity. If you are not in school, chances are you will have to seek out and pay for a career counselor. Here are some things to look for, to make sure you get your money’s worth.

• Credentials – You can ask to see a copy of the diploma and license of any professional you meet with. Professionals should be licensed in the state in which they practice, and also might be a member of organizations such as the National Board for Certified Counselors or the National Career Development Association.
• Code of Ethics – To which professional body does the counselor take his ethical guidelines from? You can ask to make sure that he is pursuing quality services, and not just private interests.
• Professionalism – If it sounds like a get rich quick scheme, it might be more of a gimmick than a professional service. Stick with someone who is committed to helping you find the outcome that you want, and does not promise quick results without appropriate effort.
• Informed experience – Your counselor should provide you with information about fees, explanation of services, proposed scheduling, and a basic outline of what services will look like.
• Going the extra mile – Finding a new career is half the battle; succeeding in it is the rest. Transitioning into a new workplace can be stressful, and finding a career counselor that regularly works with clients on the topics of communication, organization, time management, and leadership style can be incredibly beneficial. It also can be valuable to find a counselor who stays with clients into the first 30 days of a job. This is a time that can be especially stressful, yet important, and having the proper support can help you adapt properly to your new jobsite.

How to Find One

There are a few resources that can be beneficial when looking for a career counselor. Word of mouth and referrals are time tested. Keep in mind, however, that your experience might be unique, as you likely will have your own needs that might differ from theirs. If you want to find a counselor online, you can use the National Career Development Association list of approved counselors and professionals. This resource allows you to search by state. Another great place to check is libraries, colleges, and state employment services. These locations will sometimes host speakers or will know connections to help you find what you want.

Career Theory

As is the case with anything in life, approaching a new experience with a little bit of education can be a benefit.  There are a few career theories that can help you to explore what matters most to you in finding a career. Ideally, finding a career counselor who is familiar with placing people in careers based on these factors can be very helpful.

John Holland’s Vocational Choice theory is based on personality. It splits people up into 6 personality types: Realistic, Investigative, Artistic, Social, Enterprising, or Conventional. Based on this personality type, it gives corresponding work environments and careers.

Frank Parsons developed a Trait and Factor theory that matches talent and occupational choice. This theory is highly based on psychometric tests that help to explain the ideal job for each individual. Concepts such as aptitude, disposition, intelligence, and interests are measured to help determine this.

Other theories utilize more of a social or developmental approach, with people focusing on chance, self-efficacy, self-esteem, or fulfilling one’s self-concept.

There is no right or wrong theory, though some can be more applicable than others. You can decide how to incorporate and prioritize your values and goals into selecting a career. Keep in mind that work environment can be very important, because even if you are doing a job you love, if you are doing it in an environment that does not suit you (say surrounded by tons of people or isolated away from everyone with no windows), you may not find as much enjoyment as you would wish. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

• https://ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sp/consumer_find
• https://www.ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sd/news_article/5573/_PARENT/layout_details_search/false
• http://time.com/3590683/how-to-get-the-most-value-from-a-career-counselor/
• https://www.bls.gov/k12/content/teachers/pdf/choosing_a_career.pdf
• https://www.utoledo.edu/success/career/pdfs/career_theories_overview.pdf

Shift Work: Finding Your Work/Life Balance

As technology and society have advanced, so has its need for people to be working around the clock. Men and women who work outside of the 9-5 realm – usually in the evening or through the night – engage in shift work. Nurses, doctors, pilots, commercial drivers, factory workers, and service staff are a few examples of people who are needed 24 hours a day. Working evening hours requires these people to adapt their social schedule and biological clock to complete their jobs, which can often be a struggle. Fortunately, there are habits that can be built to help facilitate both health and happiness.    

Effects of Shift work

Every person has a circadian rhythm which determines the body’s function in a day. This rhythm is based on a few factors, including daylight, and helps to direct the sleep/wake cycle which in turn influences digestion, energy output, and other bodily processes. In short, bodies naturally want to work during the day and sleep at night. For those who work evening shifts, it can be difficult to fight this inclination. Shift workers often report problems with sleep. Research has also explored if shift work can aggravate certain digestive and heart conditions. In addition, working second or third shift can make it difficult to maintain relationships. A person might be scheduled to work during important events, or need to catch up on sleep in order to get to the next shift. Missing out on social events can lead to feelings of isolation or increased conflict in relationships.

Sleep

Sleep is required for physical and mental health, and it also helps to promote safety on the job. Being tired on the job leads to poor concentration which can increase the chance of errors, accidents, injuries, and even fatalities. The combination of not getting enough sleep and working during a time when the body naturally wants to rest contributes to feeling sleepy on the job. Getting enough restful sleep is one of the most common issues of a shift worker. Whether they work consistent shifts or switch between day and evening shifts (sometimes called a rotation schedule), getting on a sleep schedule can be a challenge. Since sleep is so important, there are some tips to keep in mind to help you get the sleep you need.

• Develop a sleep schedule – Finding a schedule that works, then sticking with it consistently, is important. Some people find it helpful to get 3-4 hours of sleep after a shift, go about the day, and then get 4 more hours of sleep before the next shift. Others like to get it all done in one dose. Either way, most adults need at least 7 hours of sleep a day to function optimally.
• Have a sleep routine – Doing the same thing before going to bed can help to set you up for success. Decrease the light by getting black out curtains, avoid technology, and invest in an eye mask. Wearing earplugs can help to block out noise that can easily keep you awake, and if you have an active household, putting out a sign that notifies others that you are sleeping can also be helpful. Other than that, incorporate activities that relax you and will signal “time to sleep” to your body.
• Healthy habits – Keeping a healthy diet and exercise regimen can help to facilitate your energy. Avoid eating a big meal before you go to bed, and avoid exercise within 3 hours of going to sleep. Planning 20 minutes of light exercise before work can help to energize you for your shift.
• Take a break – While working, get important tasks done first, when you are most alert. After that, use your breaks wisely: alternate going for a walk with having a snack, or napping (if your work place allows these options). Drinking caffeine can help to keep you alert, but should be kept to a minimum as it can interfere with getting sleep after work.

Social

Getting work done at your job is only part of your daily obligation. Once you are home, the number of daily tasks and chores to complete does not decrease when you are tired or unavailable. It is not uncommon to feel like all you do is work and sleep. All this, plus having an opposing schedule, adds up to shift workers finding it difficult to maintain social ties. This can add stress to an already demanding predicament. Organization and communication are the keys to helping to facilitate and foster connection.

• Coordinate calendars – As soon as you get your work schedule, communicate your work hours to your partner, kids, and whoever else needs to know it. You can create a visual calendar so your kids understand when you are available or when they may need to be quiet.
• Get creative – You may have to get creative with how to connect, but can consider leaving notes, filling out greeting cards, sending emails, or using technology in other ways. If you can, plan your breaks at work for times that correspond with your family’s availability, using video chat to check in during dinner or before bedtime, for example.
• Prioritize and plan wisely – While it might seem tempting to skip your sleep to attend an event, this might not be the smartest choice in the long run. Prioritize and plan for the most important events, and learn to say “no” to other events. The more you communicate with your loved ones, the more you will know which events to say “yes” to and the more they can understand that you have limitations but are doing your best.
• Stay organized – Create a chore list to make sure you are accomplishing what needs to get done, without letting things build up (which can lead to more stress and frustration). Delegate some chores, if needed, and make sure to say “thank you” and express appreciation for the people in your life.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

• https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/workschedules/default.html
• https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/1981/10/art5full.pdf
• http://www.sciedu.ca/journal/index.php/jnep/article/viewFile/7294/4497
• https://sleepfoundation.org/shift-work/content/how-manage-shift-work-and-your-social-life
• https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/docs/97-145/pdfs/97-145.pdf

Getting Along With Your Parents

Navigating a healthy adult relationship with your parents can sometimes be difficult.  On one hand, they might still attempt to treat you like a child.  On the other, you may begin assuming a more parental role as they age.  Sometimes we want them to still nurture and care for us, and in other instances, we want to be treated as independent adults. 

Potential Problems

You and your parents are not the same people.  They are unique and so are you.  They might have different values, beliefs, interests, and priorities than you, and that’s natural.  Healthy adult relationships can appreciate both the similarities and differences.  However, this knowledge does not mean there won’t be challenges.  Here are some examples of how we might encounter problems with our parents: 

• Disagreements on how to parent and raise our own children
• Being financially dependent on our parents
• Differing core values and beliefs (political, cultural, spiritual, etc.)
• Arguments on their future medical care or living arrangements
• Resentment over childhood issues
• Continual complaining or criticism

Mutually Beneficial Relationship

Having a healthy adult relationship with your parents is possible and a worthwhile investment.  The following are guidelines on how to begin accepting your parents and building a mutually beneficial relationship: 

Accepting Parents

• Don’t fix- It’s acceptable to set boundaries and tell your parents what you do and don’t tolerate in your home and with your children. Be mindful though that your parents are who they are. So think about what it would look like to accept them without trying to change them.
• Don’t blame- Try being empathic with your parents. Be objective about who they are and their family history.  Avoid blaming them for your problems, as this won’t benefit you or your relationship.
• Respect their freedom- Making assumptions about your parents’ lives is never helpful. They might not want to babysit your children every time you go out or fix an appliance when it breaks.  Take responsibility for your own life.  Respect that they are adults too, and they value independence just like you do. 

Being Assertive

• Practice honesty- Your parents can’t read your mind. Be honest about who you are, what you want, and what’s important to you.  It’s unfair to expect them to know unless you tell them.
• Don’t focus on approval- When you were a child your life may have centered on your parents’ approval. As an adult you need to decide what kind of person you want to be and what’s important to you, whether your parents agree or not.  It’s natural to desire your parents’ approval, even as an adult, but this approval is no longer necessary for your life decisions.  
• Grow up- Asking your parents to do things you’re capable of doing isn’t mature. If you want to be treated like an adult, it’s important to act like one.
• Don’t ask for advice- Unless you really need your parents’ insight, don’t ask for advice. Often we ask for counsel when we’ve already mentally made our decision.  This opens the potential for conflict if they disagree with your pre-determined choice. 
• Practice forgiveness- Allow yourself to make mistakes. You might disappoint your parents, but making choices is part of adulthood.  Forgive yourself and move forward. 

Building Relationships

• Share activities- Spend time doing things you and your parents both enjoy. What activities are mutually beneficial and strengthen your relationship?  When you can look forward to time together rather than dread the interaction, your relationship with them will improve.
• Build a legacy- Consider helping your parents preserve their history and memories. You might learn things about yourself or gain a greater understanding of their background.  Photos, videos, and written memoires capture a legacy to share with other family members and grandchildren.

Managing Conflict

All relationships experience conflict, and the parent/adult child interaction is no different.  Even though it might seem easier to cut all ties, this isn’t wise.  Though it might feel better in the short-term, shutting out your parents will not resolve emotional problems. 

You should handle conflict with your parents like you would with any other adult that you respect.  Good communication, as you would have with a friend or coworker, is vital.  Problems are not necessarily character flaws, and they can be opportunities for growth and change. 

The transition from the parent/child to the parent/adult child relationship doesn’t need to be stressful. The turbulent adolescent years are over, and it’s possible for your relationship with your parents to blossom even more.  Though you are grown never assume your parents aren’t interested in the details of your life.  Share your dreams and goals just as you would with another friend.  Investing in a healthy adult relationship with your parents is beneficial and worthwhile; so take advantage of the opportunities while they are available. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-04-2013/parenting-adult-children-family-relationships.html

Conflict Resolution for Couples

All relationships experience conflict.  Even a good relationship has its share of ups and downs.  What makes a healthy relationship is not a lack of conflict.  How both partners manage and resolve conflict determines an open, honest, and successful relationship.

Causes of Conflict

There is no shortage of potential conflicts for relationships today given the external and internal stressors we all face.  Fears, differences, and expectations also play a large role in relational troubles.  Some partners fear rejection or a loss of independence.  Conflict might arise as a result of the couple’s different personalities, values, or beliefs.  Perhaps, one partner is expecting too much of the other.  When a couple is unable to agree on what the problem is, it is unlikely they will agree on how to solve it.  These are all common reasons for relational conflicts. 

Tolls on a Relationship

Resolving issues in a relationship requires work, but the toll of unresolved conflict is even greater.  These byproducts cause stress that flows into other areas of our lives, affecting us physically, emotionally, and financially.  Couples may experience a decrease in intimacy, as well as feelings of resentment, relational insecurity, and financial instability.  Communication might become difficult, as conversation about anything other than the conflict decreases.  Individuals may also experience lower self-esteem as a result of unresolved conflict.

Dealing with Conflict

There are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict.  When one partner makes all the decisions, the other might feel undervalued and resent this misuse of power.  On the flip side, if both partners avoid conflict, the problem will linger and escalate.  Partners will continue to play their roles to the best of their abilities, but the problem will never be resolved if it’s not addressed.  These are both examples of unhealthy ways to deal with conflict.

The best strategy for approaching conflict is for both partners to share their thinking, knowing the relationship itself gets the final vote.  Many times if a couple can focus on what’s best for the relationship as a whole, they are able to put aside their individual preferences and find compromise. 

Conflict Resolution Process

Here are some practical guidelines to help you work through potentially difficult relationship conversations:

1. Be respectful- The words we speak only comprise a percentage of what’s communicated. Pay attention to both the verbal and nonverbal messages you are sending.  Details like how you sit, your tone of voice, and the words you choose should communicate to your partner how much you value them.  This will also demonstrate your commitment to the relationship.
   1. Yelling- The volume of your voice will not change your partner’s mind. A gentle tone might diffuse the situation and allow for open dialogue.  Conversely, yelling could anger one or both of you and discourage your partner from further communication.
   2. Positives- Try to focus on each other’s strengths and positive attributes. Discuss how you’ve overcome past obstacles without going into detail.  Knowing you’ve already worked through past challenges will help you stay realistic as you face this conflict.
   3. Affirm- Start and end by affirming your love. While your partner may know you love them, expressing it again communicates that you value their thoughts and feelings.  It might even help calm the situation.
2. Use active listening- Do your best to understand the thoughts and feelings behind your partner’s words and body language. This is called active, or empathic listening.  Put yourself in your partner’s shoes to experience what they are saying and feeling.  You should be able to explain back to them how you understand their take on the situation. 
   1. Ownership- Consider that you also might have made a mistake. If you are willing to explore how your actions made your partner feel, you’re more likely to make positive changes.  In turn, your partner’s likelihood to consider his or her role in the problem increases. 
   2. Cool down- If you’re extremely angry, you might need some time to cool down before you can truly hear what your partner is saying. Take a step back and a quick time-out before resuming conversation.  This will help keep emotions under control. 
3. Share your side- Explain your feelings, needs, and understanding of the situation. Be as brief and factual as possible without shaming your partner.  Share your emotional response to the situation.  Offer your suggestion for how to resolve the conflict.
   1. Trigger words- Avoid generalizations, exaggerations, and words like “always” and “never.” Give clear, specific examples instead of sweeping statements like, “You never do this,” or “You always do that.”
   2. Emotional abuse- Name-calling and other insults may feel good in the moment, but you will regret this behavior. Emotional abuse is not worth it.

Learning to work through conflict in a relationship might not happen overnight.  Be patient, as constructing a solution takes time and practice.  However, the more you’re able to hear each other and control your emotional reactivity, the greater the energy you’ll have to work on the relationship and create a viable solution. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs-466-4.pdf

All about Feelings

Feelings and emotions are two words often used interchangeably.  They generally mean the same thing, however, feelings and emotions can differ.  For instance, feeling love for your child can cause the emotion of fear if he or she is in danger.  A mood is also separate from a feeling or emotion.  Whereas emotions are short-lived, a mood lasts longer.  The cause of a mood is not always easy to detect, as you might feel down for a few days and not know why. 

Basic Emotions

Psychology researchers cite six basic emotions that are universal to all humans.  They include happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and anger.  Other psychologists have added embarrassment, pride, excitement, and satisfaction to this list.  It’s also possible to experience more than one emotion at a time, such as feeling happy and excited simultaneously. 

Experiencing Feelings

There are three main ways we encounter an emotion.  First, we experience the feeling.  Second, our body reacts to it.  Last, we express the feeling through our behavior.  Therefore, if you were angry, you’d interpret the emotion as anger.  Perhaps, your body would tense up or your heart would begin to pace, and then you might lose your temper and begin to shout.  These would all be examples of how you might react to the emotion called anger. 

Emotions cause both physical and physiological reactions, which are regulated by the nervous system.  These reactions affect body responses that we can’t control, like digestion and blood flow.  The nervous system also monitors our “fight-or-flight” response to stress, dangers, and threats.  More noticeable examples of the physical effects of feelings might be sweaty palms, stomach pains, increased heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.

There are some universal expressions of feelings, like smiling.  Others will differ according to culture, tradition and custom.  When we understand our emotions and seek to increase our emotional intelligence, we can have some control over our behavioral reactions.  Exploring our thinking and paying attention to what our bodies are doing when we feel emotions helps us gain insight into our behaviors.  Mindfulness and relaxation techniques as well as a trained therapist or counselor can help you gain control over your reactivity. 

The Importance of Feelings

Exploring your feelings can benefit both your body and behavior.  For example, if you find that you often feel afraid, you may also discover that you regularly experience associated anxiety and physical symptoms of stress. Perhaps your heart is continually racing and your sleep is affected; these responses can have a long-term impact on your health.  If you start to examine the root of your fear, you might find that your thoughts aren’t factual.  Recognizing this faulty or irrational thought pattern is the first step in modifying it and ultimately feeling less anxious and afraid. 

When our feelings are based on facts we can try to change our situation or goals to fit that reality.  Perhaps, you’ve found a hobby that makes you feel happy and excited.  You can seek to incorporate those skills into a career you might really enjoy. 

Whether your feelings are fact-based or irrational, paying attention to them can provide clues about how to live healthy and how to achieve the life you desire.  When you put a name to your feelings and begin to understand how they work, you create more space between something happening and your reaction to it.  This space gives you an opportunity to choose your behavior and how you interact in your relationships.  Momentarily stepping back from a situation also provides the choice to treat yourself in a healthy, self-respecting manner. 

Tips for Managing Emotional Reactions

Controlling your reactions to emotion takes time and practice.  The following ideas will help you learn how to regulate your reactivity:

• Track your feelings- Keep a log of your feelings throughout the day. This experience will give you greater insight into how you see the world and react to it. 
• Scale emotions- Emotions exist on a broad spectrum, so rating them on a scale of one to ten might prove helpful. For example, if your anxiety is particularly high one day, make a note of that with a higher mark on your scale.  This allows you to look for patterns and situations that trigger certain emotions. 
• Reduce stress- When you experience negative emotions, tracking the methods you use to lower your stress provides invaluable insight. Take note of which ways of coping are the most and least effective, so you can have several effective options whenever you feel like your emotions are out of control.

Feelings affect everyone on a daily basis.  Learning how to manage and understand your emotions will benefit your health, work, and relationships.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, as medical or mental health professionals have valuable knowledge about ways of coping with intense feelings.  With the right motivation and practice, you can learn to change your reactions to emotions rather than letting them control you.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/feeling-our-emotions/

About Behavioral Health Care

Behavioral health care focuses on an individual’s psychological wellness.  It is occasionally referred to as mental health care.  However, the term behavioral health is more common now because it encompasses the biology of mental health, as well as a person’s behaviors and habits. 

Measuring Mental Health

How do you assess or understand your mental health?  Looking at your emotional wellbeing and your overall life enjoyment on a day-to-day basis is an excellent guide.  Consider the following:

• Are you able to cope with the normal stresses of life?
• Can you bounce back and adapt to unexpected news?
• Are activities like working, going to school, or forming relationships inhibited? If so, you might need to focus on improving your behavioral health. 

Behavioral Health Issues and Signs

There are many contributors to mental health problems.  Biological factors such as your genetics, life experiences, and a family history of mental health issues can lead to behavioral health problems.  Some of the mental health issues people face might be depression, anxiety, trauma, relational issues, and addiction. 

Signs of a potential behavioral health issue range in their severity.  Changes in eating and sleeping patterns, withdrawing from activities and relationships, low energy, feeling hopeless, and numbness to life are all clues to a mental health problem.  Also, mood swings, hearing voices or hallucinating, increased substance abuse, and thoughts of harming yourself or others are warnings signs.  When a person is unable to complete daily life tasks, such as showering, getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc., they also might be struggling with a mental illness.  

Professionals and Treatment Options

When it comes to behavioral health issues, you’re not alone.  There are numerous professionals who can help you overcome and adjust to life’s challenges.  These might be your primary care physician or nurse practitioner, or a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. 

These professionals are skilled in a variety of behavioral health interventions that cover a broad spectrum.  These range from psychotherapy and group therapy to support groups to expressive therapy in art, music, or drama.  Recreational therapy, meditation, and mindfulness practices are also options, as is medication. 

Good Mental Health Signs

When your mental health is functioning well there are several indicators.  Setting and meeting goals, coping with stress, and problem solving are signs of healthy functioning, as is finding meaning in relationships and the community.

Whatever your current mental health you can benefit from practicing good behavioral health strategies.  Some of the ways to maintain and/or improve your mental health might include connecting with others, being physically active, eating healthy, and getting proper rest.  Developing strategies for dealing with life’s stressors, staying positive, and asking for help when needed are also healthy traits. 

The Importance of Behavioral Health

Why is behavioral health such a critical issue?  Half of the world’s population is believed to experience mental health symptoms that impact their day-to-day functioning.  Our mental state impacts our physical health, so being able to reduce our body’s stress responses can help us live longer and healthier lives.  Another benefit of working on your mental health is the control you gain over your life.  People who are mentally healthy are more goal-directed, and they function better in relationships.

Not addressing our behavioral health issues impacts all areas of life.  Depression and other mental illnesses can lead to disability, physical impairments, and even suicide.  Financial, social, and vocational issues may arise from failing to work on mental health problems.

Getting Started

Improving your mental health does not need to be overwhelming as there are many people available to guide you. The following tips suggest how to get started and where to go for help:

• Gather information- Talk to your doctor, friends, or other trusted individuals about resources in your area. Treatment options may be available through your physician’s office, mental health specialists, community mental health centers, hospital psychiatric departments, outpatient clinics, university programs, social services agencies, and employee assistance programs.  
• Find affordable help- Don’t allow cost to deter your mental health desires. There may be free support groups near you, and many counselors and therapists offer services on a sliding scale.  Some university training clinics and community mental health centers facilitate individuals for free or at a low cost, or your work may have an employee assistance program through your employer or health insurance plan. If cost is a problem don’t ever be afraid to ask professionals what free or low cost options are available in the community.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

A lifestyle complete with good mental health is possible for you and your loved ones.  For more information about behavioral health care, check out the following websites:

http://Findtreatment.samsa.gov

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Sources:

http://www.healthypeople.gov/2020/topicsobjectives2020/overview.aspx?topicid=28

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/what-is-mental-health/

Conflict Resolution

Everyone faces conflict in varying degrees at some point in life.  Because conflict happens in any relationship, including those at work and at home, no one is immune to its complexities.  How we choose to deal with conflict is unique, as everyone brings his or her own personality and experiences to these difficulties.

Conflict Defined

A conflict is a difference of opinions, priorities, or perspectives, whether friendly or hostile.  Because people react differently to conflict, the situation may be difficult to assess.  Sometimes people disguise conflict in sarcasm or cynicism, or they pretend the problem doesn’t exist. How you perceive it largely determines the role it will play in your life.  Those who view conflict as a threat usually experience anxiety and stress, and those who see it as an opportunity for growth can overcome it and even benefit from conflict.

Conflict in the Workplace

One environment where conflict is common is in the workplace.  We spend the bulk of our time there and often can’t choose our co-workers.  Since conflict is inevitable, there are real benefits to improving your resolution skills.  Some of the paybacks include improved relationships, a smoother working environment, fewer delays in production, increased communication, and improved health as tension symptoms decrease.  The following strategies will help you in your workplace conflict resolution:

• Create acceptable behaviors- If you are an employer, provide a handbook of policies outlining acceptable ways to resolve conflict. Give clear examples to demonstrate and model good behavior for your team.  If you are the employee who is caught in a conflict situation, establish what acceptable and unacceptable forms of behavior are.  This will serve as a guide to know if you or someone else is crossing a line.
• Tackle potential conflict- If you sense tension in the workplace, take a proactive stance. Does a relationship feel strained, or do you feel a disagreement brewing?  Calmly confront the other individual with honesty.  This could prevent a future blowup from occurring. 
• Choose your battles- Not every little item is worth the conflict. There are times to take responsibility for your own emotions, perspectives, and opinions.  But there are also legitimate reasons to resolve conflict between you and a co-worker.  Knowing when to let things slide and when to take action about conflict makes for a more successful work environment.  
• See growth in conflict- Being able to resolve conflict in relationships is a sign of maturity. When you are able to view conflict, at work or home, as an opportunity for growth instead of something to be avoided, you will be able to reach a resolution more easily and earn the respect of others. 

Take Action through Listening

In the middle of a conflict, you might find yourself tuning the other person out to better prepare your argument.  If you find yourself waiting your turn to speak instead of legitimately listening, you will probably remain stuck right in the middle of the problem.  The following tips demonstrate how to resolve conflict with listening skills:

• Listen actively- Active listening aims to understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what the other person is saying. What are the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind his or her message?  What does their body language say?  Paying attention to these details will also help you understand what is motivating their behavior and help you be able to put yourself in their shoes. 
• Acknowledge the message- You don’t have to agree with the other person to respect and validate their opinion. Recognize their value as a fellow human being and affirm the importance of their beliefs.  Listening is a way to communicate their worth and your respect, both in your verbal and nonverbal language. 
• Know your message- Before you respond, consider your own emotions and thoughts about the situation in conflict. Gather these thoughts before the conversation occurs, so that you can be prepared and be ready to listen to the response.  Otherwise, you may be tempted to form your own rebuttal while the other person is speaking.  Pre-determine how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles.

Conflict in life is guaranteed and often it will be unexpected.  When you are able to calmly respond to an individual your viewpoint is more likely to be understood.  No one wants to feel like the other person is simply trying to win an argument.  Using statements beginning with “I” instead of “you” is another helpful way to diffuse tension.  For example, “I felt frustrated when you didn’t follow through with your commitment,” is very different than, “You never do what you promise.”

Some conflicts simply cannot be resolved without a mediator of some sort, so don’t feel discouraged if you have to bring in a third party.  If you are facing a tough situation, reach out to a neutral person, like a licensed counselor or therapist or your human resources officer.

The long-term effects of unresolved conflict are often far more damaging than the short-term discomfort of resolving them.  With the right mindset and a little practice, you will start seeing conflict as a growth opportunity, one that will help you achieve your goals and create healthy relationships. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/

Dealing with Difficult Personality Traits

Individuals all around us have their own unique personality.  Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, negative, and even aggressive.  Being able to recognize and successfully interact with these individuals enables us to turn a potentially difficult situation into a positive one. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally.  Additionally, we can help create a safe and productive environment for others. 

Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:

• Hostile people- These individuals are often abusive and intimidating, finding pleasure in the fear they create. They enjoy reacting, so they’ll wait for others to challenge them.   
  • How to handle hostile people:
    • Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive. Perhaps, encourage them to take a run or go to the gym.
    • Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss. Do not engage them in an argument. 
    • Set boundaries. Try not to engage with them in front of an audience, as this will trigger a larger reaction.
  • Narcissistic people- These individuals are interested in being the center of attention as often as possible. They want to look like the expert who can do everything better than you.
    • How to handle narcissistic people:
      • Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.
      • Explain that you would like to use your knowledge too. They might be more open to this suggestion and cooperate more.
    • Passive aggressive people- These individuals are sly and cunning when they undercut authority. They will insult people in a sarcastic way and claim they are just joking.  Passive aggressive people will never directly address issues with you.
      • How to handle passive aggressive people:
        • Try to focus on the issue and not the person. This helps the individual not to personalize what is being directed at them.
        • Confronting this personality trait in public will only make them react. In private, be clear that you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting.
      • Negative people- People with this personality trait distrust anyone in power or authority. They are the only ones who know the right way and can find a downside to anything.  Negative people express doubt in response to most any solution proposed. 
        • How to handle negative people:
          • Focus on the facts of a situation. Trying to emphasize solutions will not help as these individuals are typically more invested in the persistence of the problem than in finding the solution.
          • Refuse to argue with them. Instead, ask them what would be different if the problem was solved.
        • Antisocial people- These individuals resist attempts to be engaged socially, making it impossible to know what they are thinking or doing. Antisocial people typically distrust others and assume everyone is against them.
          • How to handle antisocial people:
            • Use open-ended questions when you speak to them. This forces them to not answer with a simple, one-word answer. 
            • Be comfortable with silence. You may have to wait it out until they feel comfortable to share their thoughts, opinions, and/or feelings.

Consequences of Dealing with Difficult People

While avoiding a discussion with a difficult person is worse, there are still possible unpleasant effects to a confrontation. 

• Guilt- Family members and loved ones can struggle with responsibility for the person’s behavior. They may feel caught between offering support and enabling the person’s negative behaviors.
• Internalization- Sometimes we can take the difficult person’s behavior personally, struggling with what’s been said or done to us.
• Grief- Family members might experience symptoms of depression and anxiety themselves, potentially impacting their marriage or other relationships. They might also grieve the relationship they feel they lost or never had with the difficult individual. 

Coping with Difficult People

Knowing how to handle and react to difficult personality traits is beneficial in all environments.  Here are some common strategies to deal with all difficult personality styles.

• Address- Don’t ignore people and pretend they don’t exist. Ignoring the problem, or the person, won’t make the situation go away.  Chances are it will only grow, so the responsible thing to do is to address the person and the issue. 
• Express- Remember, you probably don’t have the whole picture. You may not know all that’s happened in the individual’s background, their mental health, or the past crises they may have faced.  Empathize and express compassion.
• Assess- Consider your own emotions. If you’re having a particularly stressful day and can’t seem to remain calm, it’s not the right time to address issues with a difficult person.  Staying calm and neutral is the best way to approach and deal with difficult people. 

Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort.  It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but if you are able to persist and communicate with compassion, you might find a solution to the challenge.   

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

Source: http://mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/basics/definition/CON-20030111

Successful Stepfamilies

With many marriages ending in divorce, stepfamilies are becoming even more commonplace. Though your may find your family growing in number, cultivating a successful stepfamily takes time, compromise, and motivation. 

Stepfamilies Defined

Traditionally, a stepfamily has been defined as a family where a parent has at least one child not biologically (or legally, in terms of adoption) related to the other parent.  This child may live with one biological parent and visits the other biological parent, or he or she may equally split time between both original parents. Other times a child has a lost a parent and the living parent will remarry.

There are many variations of stepfamilies.  Whereas the term stepfamily once referred only to married couples, cohabitating relationships where one or both parents had existing children are now recognized as stepfamilies.  Grown children, in the case of parental death, will often refer to their parent’s new spouse as a stepparent, even though they never lived under the same roof.

Blended families are also a form of stepfamily.  This is where both partners come into the marriage or relationship with existing children.  Blended families have many of the same challenges as other stepfamilies as well as unique ones.

Transition Process

As a stepfamily or blended family is beginning the process of transition, there are often some growing pains along the way.  Adapting to new routines requires compromise for everyone.  Emotions usually run high; guilt over a divorce, anger about sacrifices made, worry about the stepfamily transition, and jealousy between stepsiblings are fairly common responses. 

Stepparents may struggle in the transition process to figure out their new roles.  Questions over discipline, rule-setting, and household responsibilities are priorities to address.  These may cause insecurity and uncertainty in the new stepparent.  Parents also worry about perceived favoritism between biological and stepchildren. 

Similarly, kids face transitional unrest.  Children may feel caught between both biological parents, not wanting to upset either one.  In addition, your child will need to learn how to “share” you with your new spouse.  Sharing may also extend to their home and belongings if your new spouse or partner moved into your home.

Struggling Stepfamily Signs

With all these changes, stress is at an elevated rate.  Here are some key warning signs of a stepfamily struggling with change:

• Behavior- A child may show unexpected anger or behavioral aggression toward another family member. Children may cry more than usual and isolate themselves from other family members and friends. 
• Activity challenges- Families sometimes face difficulty finding a shared activity they all can enjoy. Heightened emotions and constant conflict make shared family time challenging.
• Discipline- The stepparent has difficulty disciplining a stepchild and/or disagrees with current discipline methods. This can cause conflict within the marriage. 

Strategies for Successful Stepfamilies

Tension and family distress do not have to be the norm for beginning stepfamilies.  The following suggestions are designed to improve unity within the family:

For Everyone:

• Consider- Give everyone a say. Parents may have the final word, but considering everyone’s thoughts and feelings may help eliminate irrational fears about the stepfamily transition.
• Process- Transition takes time. Attempting to rush the process to adapt will only cause more stress.  Respect the process, as trusting relationships between stepparents, children, and stepsiblings take time to develop. 

For Parents:

• Respect- Be cautious not to speak poorly about your ex in front of your children. Shaming your former spouse or using your children as messengers is not a good policy.  Never ask your child to spy on your ex and his/her new partner or speak negatively about them.  This places your child in an unfair and unfortunate situation, so be respectful to both your child and ex. 
• Make Time- Carve out time with your children to participate in their favorite activities. Let them speak honestly about their fears and concerns with the new family.  Reassure them you will always love them.
• Don’t Assume- Even grown children who are independent adults may struggle with knowing their place in a new stepfamily situation. Listen to their concerns and encourage them to play a positive role in the new family. 

For Stepparents:

• Space- Every child needs some amount of privacy. Rather than feel shut off from the child, respect the space they need to function better.
• Don’t Personalize- Stepchildren may not warm up to you immediately. Try not to take things personally, as their reactions may be more about the process itself than you as an individual. 

For Stepfamilies with a New Baby:

• Explain- Talk to your children about the possibility of a new baby. Explain how things might change.  Give opportunities for them to express fears or concerns about the new baby. 
• Teamwork- Allow the children to help with the new baby. Feeling included helps alleviate feelings of being overlooked and forgotten. 

While the challenges are very real for today’s stepfamilies, so are the rewards.  If your stepfamily is still experiencing growing pains in the adjustment process, ask for help.  Family therapy is an excellent tool for working through everyone’s emotions in the transition.  For additional help, check out the National Stepfamily Resource Center at www.stepfamilies.info. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/stepfamilies/art-20047046

http://stepfamilies.info

Parenting a Teenager

The teen years are some of the most thrilling and complex for both the adolescent and the parent.  Exciting experiences and transitions coupled with emotions and hormones can make those six to eight years tricky to navigate. Adolescence marks uncharted waters for the teen and possibly a distant memory to the parent.  But for all the good, the bad, and the ugly, the teen years are a rite of passage to adulthood.  To better understand how to parent a teen, it’s essential to consider all that’s happening within one.

The development of teens

During the adolescent years, your teen will grow physically, emotionally, intellectually, and morally.  Teens begin to form and fashion the person they will become in adulthood.  During this process, a power struggle often ensues.  Teenagers will anticipate and earn greater independence from parents and other adults.  As a result, you will see your child begin to separate a bit.  Often, teens will look to their peers as guides and value their opinions over those of adults, specifically their parents.  In an attempt to discover their identity and who they’re becoming, many teens may experiment with how they look and act around others.  Fitting in is often the goal during these years, and parents may experience a lot of stress and worry when they watch their child seemingly become someone else overnight.

Signs of a struggling teen

Disagreements are common between teen children and parents.  As your teen pursues independence, he or she is trying to form a code of right and wrong.  This code may or may not be similar to your own values.  While this may seem like an act of rebellion, your child is most likely behaving like the average adolescent.  There are, however, warning signs that can indicate your teen might be struggling:

• Problems with sleep
• Extreme weight changes
• Drug, alcohol, and tobacco use
• Interactions with law enforcement
• Struggling with school or missing classes
• Personality changes
• Changes in friends
• Mentioning suicide or thoughts of dying

Strategies for parenting a teenager

1. Discuss- Talk about puberty before it happens. Your teen should know what to expect with the upcoming physical and hormonal changes.  An upcoming physical with your doctor might be a good conversation starter.  Emphasize that everyone develops at his or her own, unique pace.
2. Empathize- Perhaps the most helpful tool in relating to your teen is empathy. Remember your own teenage years.  Did you fit in or feel awkward about your changing body?  How did you feel about your household’s rules?  Think about the struggles, confusion, and conflict you might have had with your parent(s).  Putting yourself in your growing child’s shoes helps you operate from a place of love instead of frustration.    
3. Inform- Stock up on some helpful resources to educate yourself about the changes in adolescence. Awareness is a vital ingredient for compassion.  In addition, talk to your teen or pre-teen about the pressures to use alcohol or drugs and to engage in other risky behaviors.  Discussing these pressures beforehand helps teens feel better prepared for navigating adolescence. 
4. Choose- Think about your child’s behavior. Are they perhaps trying just to shock you by stretching their wings, or is their behavior harmful with big consequences?  Consider their actions and choose your battles wisely. 
5. Explain- Communicate with your child exactly what your expectations are and what the consequences will be. Having this conversation before a dilemma allows your teen to rise to the responsibility, and it also prevents rash consequences in the anger of the moment.  Be clear and concise but also reasonable and flexible.  Setting up your child for failure with unrealistic rules will not help the situation.   
6. Limit- The Internet can be dangerous territory for teens. Monitor their online communication and what material they are accessing.  Explain you trust them but also educate about online strangers and the potential hazards.  Limiting technology encourages them to be mindful of their online presence and how they can protect themselves.
7. Give- Unless you’ve seen warning signs, consider giving your teen some additional privacy. Keep up with his or her life without probing for every single detail.  This communicates trust and helps prepare your teen for adulthood in a safe, healthy, and loving environment. 

While we’ve heard the old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child,” it can be hard to allow others to fill a spot we’ve always maintained.  Try to think of the teen years as a training ground for your child’s growth and responsibility.  Encourage your child to find a trusted mentor, responsible adult, or relative they can turn to for advice.  Your child may not want to discuss everything with you, and it’s not something to be taken personally.  If anything, it demonstrates your child is progressing at a natural pace of independence.  Remember, while your child is moving towards adulthood, they will always still be your child, even if they sprout to 6’2”. Keeping a healthy perspective on the potentially turbulent teen years lays the foundation for a lifetime of friendship with your son or daughter.   

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/growing/adolescence.html

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-teens/art-20044693

Maintaining Healthy Couple Relationships

Relationships affect our lives on a daily basis, and they all require effort to stay healthy. While starting a romantic relationship can be hard, building one for the long-term can be an even bigger challenge.  Events inside and outside of the relationship make it necessary for both individuals to adapt and grow, while also respecting, caring for, and compromising with the other person.

Unhealthy Couple Relationships

One way to identify what is healthy is by examining what is not.  The following symptoms indicate a relationship that is not working and unhealthy:

• Lack of appreciation- Assuming your partner will do things for you is one way of taking them for granted. This demonstrates ingratitude or a lack of insight into the balance of the relationship. 
• Lack of trust- Reading your partner’s emails or text messages, listening to voicemails, and not letting your partner go out with friends communicates a level of distrust.
• Blame game- When you constantly blame your partner for trouble in the relationship and don’t accept responsibility for anything, then it will be difficult to maintain the relationship.
• Poor communication- Assuming your partner can read your mind is a sure sign of poor communication. If you avoid difficult conversations because you are afraid of your partner’s response, there is a clear lack of communication skills. 
• Lack of balance- When we over function we constantly do things for our partner that they can do for themselves. Under functioning happens when we ask our partner to do tasks or assume responsibilities that should be our own. 
• Isolation from others- Healthy friendships and family relationships are necessary. When your partner is your only source of support, the relationship can quickly become strained, tense, and unhealthy.
• Codependence- When you are no longer able to think for yourself or function without your partner, you have crossed the line into codependence. In this type of relationship, a person cannot define his or her self in any way other than the relationship, as they lack their own goals, opinions, and outside support.

Healthy Couple Strategies

By clearly identifying what is unhealthy we are able to see what works better.  Consider these strategies to maintain a healthy, romantic relationship that stands the test of time: 

• Embrace change- Your relationship will undoubtedly evolve with life events, unexpected transitions, and family changes. Consider change as an opportunity to make your relationship stronger rather than a cause for it to crumble. 
• Have check-ins- Talk with your partner about his or her expectations for the relationship and his or her personal goals. Checking-in with one another through regular, daily dialogue establishes a good routine, rather than just crisis management.  Making time together is key, and without good scheduling, responsibilities will crowd out time together. 
• Know the family- Families are unique and so are their ways of coping with stress and anxiety. While your family might tend to be emotionally distant, your partner’s family might like to engage in conflict and confrontation.  Consider what coping style you and your partner inherited from your families.  Then, look for ways to work together to resolve conflict. 
• Pick the right time- Dealing with a problem in the heat of the moment may not be the best time to hear one another. Take a few minutes to cool off and gather your thoughts, as this opportunity allows you to listen to your partner’s perspective.  Also remember, a conflict is typically not the time to bring up previous unresolved issues.  Attempting to solve multiple items typically leads to greater stress and fewer results.
• Be responsible- Everyone has needs and wants in a relationship, but it’s important to remember some expectations may be unrealistic or unfair for your partner to meet. Consider what things you are able to do for yourself and be responsible with them. 
• Listen and speak up- Are you so focused on trying to win an argument that you are unable to hear what your partner is saying? When you show respect for the other’s opinions, they are more likely to listen to you.  Also, your partner won’t know what you desire in the relationship unless you verbalize it.  Many times we become angry because we unfairly expect our partners to fulfill our needs, even though we have never shared them. 
• Accept differences- There are things about your partner that may never change, and the same is true for you. When you learn to accept this, you can begin to work together to change what you would like to be different.
• Respect rights- You and your partner both have the right to enjoy your respective interests, friends, feelings, personal goals, and opinions. When you have outside things that inspire and bring joy, you will both enjoy the relationship more.

Even in this day and age, building a relationship that lasts is possible.  Small acts of kindness such as physical or verbal gestures really do make a difference.  With some thought and patience, you will find that simple strategies build a strong foundation for your relationship. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Source:

http://cmhc.utexas.edu/healthyrelationships.html

http://www.uwhealth.org/news/tips-for-maintaining-healthy-relationships/40280

Balancing Work and Family

Managing our daily 24 hours is easier some days more than others.  Attempting to care for our bodies, getting proper rest, and maintaining a household is a full-time job in itself.  Add in work and family responsibilities, and the task becomes even more challenging.  Even though it is our choice how we use our time, we often become quite stressed attempting to manage it all. 

A common contributor to imbalance between work and family is control.  People often feel like they are losing control when one half of the work and home equation crowds out the other.  When this occurs the overwhelming sense of our to-do list seems more important than the things that give us the greatest enjoyment.  Priorities become mismatched and frustration, anxiety, and even depression gain momentum. 

Out of Balance?

Our lives naturally fall out of balance from time to time.  When this occurs we struggle to regulate our responsibilities and what we enjoy most.  Taking the time to assess how things are going can give us insight to realign our priorities.  This allows us to balance our time and make changes to reflect our values.  There are several questions you can ask yourself to see if work and family life have fallen out of balance: 

• Do you regularly set aside time to spend with your family?
• When you are with family, do you feel anxious or guilty about not working?
• At work, what triggers you to feel like you should be spending more time with your family?

Out of Balance Consequences

Failing to find the balance between work and family produces undesired consequences, such as a loss of energy.  While you are at work your productivity level will suffer in the long run from overwork and the stress that comes with it.  At home you may feel too tired to enjoy your spouse and/or children. 

Another common byproduct of working harder is increased responsibility.  It is easy to take on more than you can handle appropriately.  Working long hours may also cause you to miss out on important family moments and milestones. 

Strategies for Achieving Greater Balance

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your schedule or guilty about the imbalance in your life, be encouraged.  This is a common problem; there are only 24 hours in a day and invariably some tasks and activities take longer than anticipated.  Second, you are not destined to stay stuck in this cycle.  The following strategies will help you move past an overcrowded schedule to a place of balance between attending to your responsibilities and that which you love to do. 

For Work:

• Scheduling- Pay attention to your work commitments. Are there any adjustments you can make to free up more time for home?  The most difficult tasks should be scheduled for when you are usually the most productive.
• Distractions- There may be times of the day you are more likely to be distracted or procrastinate. How could you use your time more efficiently during this period?  Are you checking social media too often or reading emails at a less productive time?  Prioritize to maximize your time.
• Separation- Leave work at work. The more you focus on work at home the greater the lines blur between both worlds. 

For Family:

• Values- Write down what you desire most from life. What activities are important for you to do with your family?  Volunteer work? Extracurricular sports?  Determine what is non-negotiable in your life. 
• Say no- Determine what your values are and practice saying no. This helps you avoid becoming overcommitted.
• Care- When schedules are cramped, proper self-care is less likely to occur. Do your best to eat healthy, get plenty of rest, and take time for what you enjoy most.

For Work and Family:

• Organize- Is your work space messy? Is your home cluttered?  Taking time to organize will save you time and energy in the long run.  As an added bonus, you will probably get more done in less time.
• Teamwork- Sharing responsibility is one way to lighten the load for everyone. Whether at work or at home, if everyone chips in to get the job done, stress will go down.
• Rewards- Plan at least one fun family activity a week. This will always give you something enjoyable to anticipate.
• Positive- Rather than feeling guilty about what you might need to give up consider all the benefits of a balanced life. Improvements in relationships and work performance are just two of the many positive changes that can occur.

If you are still feeling a lack of control between work and family consider asking a professional for help or even advice.  Often, workplaces have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) to guide you in these situations.  Remember, life will happen.  When it does, things will typically fall out of balance for a time.  Stay positive.  Use the knowledge you’ve gained, take a step back, and assess.  Proper planning is always a good start to swing an imbalanced life back into perspective. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/hr/hrdepts/asap/Documents/Balancing_Work_and_Family.pdf

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/work-life-balance/art-20048134

Aging Parents and Adult Children

Having an adult relationship with your parents can be both rewarding and challenging.  Some parents are overly critical, complain when you try to help, or never say “thank you.”  The challenges can become especially difficult as they continue to age.  Transitioning to a caregiving role is a major shift as the parent/child roles begin to reverse.  You must determine how to care for yourself and focus on your parent as well, and the stress of this task can strain your relationship and affect your physical and emotional wellbeing. 

The Aging Process

In many ways, aging is a grieving process.  Older adults slowly lose their independence, as their mind and body fail to function properly.  Your aging loved one may need to transition from their home to yours or another medical facility.  Try to be empathic with them and consider how you would feel if you lost control of your body.  How would you react if decisions were made about your life and future without your consent?  When you put yourself in your aging loved one’s shoes you might better understand why they are experiencing grief-like symptoms. 

Transition Tips for Aging Parents and Adult Children

The following guidelines provide information to help you practice good self-care and caregiving skills. 

Self-care Tips

• Care for yourself first- Caregiver stress can cause physical, emotional, and mental problems. When we don’t prioritize ourselves we limit our caregiving efforts.  It’s important to get proper rest, good nutrition, and regular exercise to maintain our optimal health.  When we feel better we’re able to enjoy our loved ones more.  Ask for help and delegate tasks to other family members if you need it.    
• No comparisons- Every adult child is different. You need to be comfortable saying “no” when you’re unable to physically or emotionally handle a responsibility.  Just because another friend caring for their parent can accomplish the task doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right for you.  Know your limitations.  Also, it’s wise to avoid comparing your relationship with your parents to other families.  Every family has its own unique challenges. 
• Understand your anxiety- Relationships with our parents can sometimes be difficult. When we’re stressed and anxious about other areas of life it’s easy to direct those emotions toward those we love most.  The more easily you can identify when you are stressed or anxious, the better equipped you’ll be to know when to handle situations with your parents.  Choose a time you’re calm and able to do your best thinking. 
• Accept a lack of recognition- It can be challenging, but it’s important to grasp you may not receive praise and thanks for taking on this responsibility. Some parents struggle deeply with change and the fear of aging, so they’re unable to express their appreciation.  It’s important to focus on why the job is important, rather than the lack of recognition.

Caregiving Tips

• Practice empathy- If your parent is experiencing chronic pain it’s difficult to be in a happy mood all the time. They may put on a front in front of others but feel comfortable to express themselves with family.  Try to understand what pains your parent is feeling as well as the physical and cognitive losses.  This can help you empathize with their moods, comments, and expressions. 
• Listen- Listening is the greatest honor you could give as it honors your parent. Be patient with them, as it might take longer to articulate their thoughts, especially their fears and stories.
  • Fears- The aging process can be scary. It’s possible your parent is experiencing rational or irrational fears.  Listening to them can calm their nerves.  Try to explain facts in a simple, non-threatening way. 
  • Repetition- Be kind toward your parent when they repeat themselves. Perhaps, you’re hearing the same childhood story for the thousandth time.  Also, if they’re struggling with technology use, remember that some tasks are extremely difficult with memory loss or degenerating eyesight.  Be patient, as you would be with a child struggling to read or tie their shoes. 
• Watch for personality changes- Cognitive difficulties can alter your parent’s personality. In addition, medication can impact personality.  It’s important to contact their physician if there are any sudden changes.  You may be accused of trying to hurt them, or they might be suspicious of you.  They could have sudden outbursts, yell, and become visibly distressed.  Try not to take these personally, as this is not the true heart of your parent. 
• Give back power- It can be easy to do certain tasks for your parent simply because you can do it faster. Things might be calmer if you give some control over to your parent, even in small areas.  Also, ask for their input about decisions that affect their life.  Giving back power, even if it’s minimal, can greatly improve your relationship.

The process of giving up control over your life isn’t easy for anyone.  However, when we’re able to walk our parents through decision-making with small changes, they are more likely to trust us with the big ones.  Ultimately, doing the right thing for your parent’s wellbeing is what matters most, to both of you.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm

Dealing with Debt and Credit Problems

Financial goals are no different than any other life objective you might have.  The best chances of success are when your goals are clear and specific.  Financial decisions with measurable and attainable steps are more achievable than vague, general resolutions.  For example, you’re more likely to succeed when you announce, “I’m planning to pay off my credit card debt by the end of year,” than simply saying, “I’m going to do better with my finances.” 

Raising Your Credit Score

Like any major change in life, raising your credit score will take time. The following tips will help you get on the right track to increasing your credit score:

• No quick fixes- Beware of strategies that instantly raise your credit score. The best method is slow and steady improvement.  Being responsible over a long period of time provides the biggest payoff.
• Check for errors- Regularly check your credit report for any errors or late payments. Convey any discrepancies to the credit bureau. 
• Make payments- Create a bill payment method, either manually or by enrolling in automatic bank withdrawals. If making your own bill payments, be sure to pay on time to avoid late fees.  Be mindful that many automatic payment methods will only deduct the minimum amount.  It’s wise to pay as much as possible on your credit card balance. 
• Stop credit cards- Tackle your credit card debt and avoid using credit if possible. Pay your highest interest cards first, while making the minimum payments on your remaining cards.  Don’t close your accounts once you’ve paid off the cards, as this is a short-term solution for raising your credit score.  
• See a credit counselor- If you’re having financial trouble, consider talking with a professional. Do your research to ensure they’re a legitimate financial counselor and not taking advantage of you or your situation. 
• Avoid new accounts- Opening a new credit line won’t raise your score. Do this sparingly and only as needed. 

Tackling Debt

There’s no shortage of information available about paying off debt.  These strategies offer ways to minimize your liabilities:

• Record debts- Make a list of all your liabilities, or debts, and exactly how much you owe. If you’re unable to find the balance, contact your lender.  Write down what your minimum payments are as well. 
• Trim expenses- Find extra money in your budget by eliminating unnecessary expenses and spending. Check your monthly bank account statement to know where your money is going.  Then, pick a few expenditures to consider reducing or removing.  Some ideas are:
  • Borrow books or movies from the library instead of purchasing or renting them.
  • Exercise at home or outside rather than paying for a gym membership. There are a variety of apps for your mobile device with workout programs and personal training information.
  • Cancel magazine or newspaper subscriptions you’re no longer using.
  • Consider packing your lunch at home or making your own coffee instead of paying your local barista.
• Bill savings- Look for cost-saving opportunities through your insurance company, phone provider, and credit card accounts. Many businesses have lower rates available or discounts for paying in full.  A little time invested to “shop around” for utilities and other bills can really pay off. 
• Reduce debt- There are several ways to tackle your debt. Financial experts suggest different methods.
  • Highest interest rate- One strategy is to pick your highest rate credit card. Put all your financial weight on that, keeping minimum payments on all your remaining debts. 
  • Smallest debt- Another debt-reduction plan is to focus on the smallest debt. Tackling the smallest debt builds your financial momentum.  Add the amount used on the previous debt to the next one and so on.  This technique is known as “snowballing.” 
• Reward yourself- Once you’ve eliminated your debt, treat yourself to a reward or gift. Print out a reminder, picture, or inspirational quote to visualize your success.  Hang it on your refrigerator or office wall to provide daily motivation.
• Find extra income- Look for any way to bring in some additional cash flow. Could you pick up a part-time job or do some freelance work?  Tutoring or delivery services are options too. 
• Check statements- Avoiding bills or bank statements because you’re afraid of the balance won’t get you closer to your financial goals. Ignoring creditors’ calls also makes you vulnerable to lawsuits.  Instead, be courageous and educate yourself about your spending habits.  Take advantage of the online tools and mobile apps to help track your expenses. 

When dealing with debt and credit problems, it’s important to start small.  Chances are, your debt accumulated over time.  Likewise, changing your financial future won’t be a quick fix.  As you begin to see success in a few areas, it will build your momentum.  A little forward progress might be just the push needed to change your habits and reach your financial goals.   

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.myfico.com/crediteducation/improveyourscore.aspx https://www.mint.com/blog/goals/the-debt-destroyer-menthod-tackling-your-debts-one-by-one-0113/

Help with Financial Stress

We know our minds and bodies are connected, but did you realize our bank accounts are linked to them as well? Financial stress can have a significant impact on your physical health, your thoughts, and your relationships with other people.

Physical and Emotional Impacts

Financial stress affects our bodies the same as any other stress.  When we experience stress, our bodies go into a “fight or flight” mode.  This increases our heart rate and expends additional energy.  Financial stress on our bodies increases our risk for heart attack, diabetes, and stomach problems.  Strains on our bank accounts can even lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Barriers to Financial Wisdom

The largest obstacle between financial wisdom and lowering our stress is our attitude.  In our quest to make the right decisions, we can become afraid of making the wrong one.  In turn, we make no decisions at all. Trying something new, and even possibly failing, is better than never making a move at all and continuing our bad financial habits.

Tips to Alleviate Financial Stress

Taking steps to make wise financial decisions can provide some immediate relief as well as motivate you for the long-term.  The following tips will help you understand why you make the financial decisions you do and give you the knowledge to alleviate the stress and strain on your wallet: 

• Change your perspective- Often when we have failed in the past, success seems farther out of reach than it actually is. Perceptions can easily be flawed.  Our attitudes about what we have control over and what we can’t control directly impact our level of success. 
• Identify unhealthy emotions- If you make a poor financial choice one day, this doesn’t mean you’re destined for failure. Guilt is never a helpful emotion.  Instead, focus on what you can change, rather than beating yourself up for your prior financial mistakes. 
• Know your weaknesses- Avoid places, people, or situations that will tempt you to spend money you don’t have. For example, if you’re prone to impulse spending after a stressful day at the office, try taking a walk or borrowing a movie from the library.  Practice saying “no” to people who pressure you to spend too much money.   
• Take small steps- We can all make big changes to how we save and spend, but it’s the little, daily steps that give us a sense of control. Simple changes like packing a lunch for work or making our own coffee at home can really add up.  Deposit the money you would have spent on restaurants, coffee shops, or additional expenses into your savings account.  Watch your money grow and the anxiety and worry shrink.  A little change can be a big boost to your financial confidence. 
• Communicate- Talking with your spouse or partner is critical to achieving your fiscal goals. What priorities do you share?  Where do you need to compromise?  When you are on the same page with the one you love, motivation and accountability come easy.
• Seek help- Look to the experts for help if you need it. Speaking with a legitimate professional can answer your financial questions and guide you toward a specific, attainable goal.  Why not benefit from their expertise?

Financial Tips that Make “Cents”

• Budget, budget, budget- Knowing how to track your money is critical. Establishing a clear budget shows you exactly how much inflow and outflow you have.  If you’re unsure how to make a budget, there are online tools and mobile apps available to teach you. 
• Cut expenses- Look for ways to trim your cash flow. Many websites offer information and comparisons on cell phone plans, Internet and television services, and utilities.  Finding ways to cut your expenses and look for bargains can be a fun challenge. 
• Pay off credit- Lower your bad credit by paying off debt as quickly as possible. Some experts classify bad debt as anything other than a mortgage, student loan, or car payment.  Always pay more than the minimum payment amount.  Tackle the credit card with the highest interest rate first. 
• Take advantage of free money- Take advantage of any employer programs that match your IRA or health savings contributions. Free money is a bonus.
• Know your credit score- Periodically check your credit score, making sure it’s correct. Increasing your credit score won’t happen overnight.  Paying your bills on time and lowering your debt will drastically improve your credit score, but it takes time.
• Start an emergency fund- Always put away extra to establish an emergency fund. Life will happen unexpectedly with costs you didn’t budget.  Having funds available, rather than accumulating more credit card debt, is the best way to go. 

Good money management gets easier the longer you stick with it.  Surround yourself with like-minded people, even if that’s simply by reading books or blogs.  Making wise financial decisions will continue to alleviate the stress and strain on your bank account, body, and mind. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources: http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2012/08/29/10-common-money-management-mistakes-that-youre-probably-making/

Breaking Bad Habits Now

Habits form when we repeat an action and often they are very helpful to us. A signification portion of our daily routine is done without much thought, so habits free up our brains to focus on other tasks.  We form bad habits because they have short-term benefits, and we ignore the long-term consequences for this momentary payoff.  The more enjoyable the instant gratification, the harder the bad habit is to break.

Why is it so difficult to break bad habits?  When behaviors are enjoyable, even if they’re unhealthy, they can release a chemical in the brain called dopamine.  The habit becomes even stronger, and we continue doing it regardless of how we feel afterward (i.e. overeating, obsessively checking social media, etc.). 

Strategies to Break Bad Habits

It is possible to break bad habits, but how long it will take varies for everyone.  For example, if you’ve been eating unhealthy lunches for years, then it won’t be easy to switch to salads every day.  Smaller changes can make the transition out of a bad habit more bearable.  It’s a myth that it only takes a set amount of days to break a habit.  Everyone is different, and we all progress at our own rate.

Luckily, humans are good at learning how to exercise self-control.  Along the path to better habits, we must start by making a choice.  Here are several strategies to break bad habits:

• Getting Started
  • Identify purpose- Perhaps the most helpful strategy is to understand what purpose the bad habit serves. If you weren’t getting something from it, you wouldn’t keep doing it.  For example, maybe you smoke to help calm you down, or you overeat for comfort.  Once you’re able to identify the needs behind the habits, you can look for healthier alternatives. 
  • Identify progression- What actions typically lead up to your habit? Disrupting the progression of events that trigger your bad habit sets you up for greater success. 
  • Identify motivation- How would you assess your commitment to change? On a one-to-ten scale, how would you rate your motivation?  If you’re at a three, that’s not a shameful thing.  Instead of focusing on how to be a ten, consider what changes would take you from a three to a four.  Small adjustments can make a big difference.  Also, identify why you want to change.  Feeling a deep connection to your “why” helps make difficult choices worth it. 
  • Identify influence- Try to avoid individuals who are linked to dangerous habits like excessive drinking or drug use. Their influence could make you want to go back to the old behavior.
• Moving toward good habits
  • Plan ahead- Don’t trust your strength in the moment. Making a plan ahead of time for dealing with temptation prepares your mind to resist the urge.  Try calling a friend or someone to hold you accountable. 
  • Change environments- Be mindful of situations and temptations where it might be easy to continue in your behavior. Perhaps, you desire to change your eating habits.  Consider taking a new route home if you routinely pass a desirable fast food restaurant.  This will help to eliminate the potential for a slip-up.
  • Practice mindfulness- Pay attention to your mind and body. Be mindful of the emotions you’re experiencing and what’s going on in your body.  This will help you take better care of yourself. 
  • Replace with good- Trade out your bad habits for good ones. For example, swap out the time you once spent overeating and use it to exercise.  Create healthy, daily routines to help fill the need or craving of your bad habit.  It might not completely eliminate your desire, but it could subdue some of your bad habit urges.  Consider spending time with loved ones or develop a new hobby or interest. 
• Possible Setbacks along the Way
  • Not alone- You don’t have to do this alone. Find someone wanting to quit one of his or her bad habits and team up.  Or, consider partnering with someone who’s already quit as an accountability partner or mentor.  Don’t compete against each other, but encourage one another along the way.
  • Forgive- If you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Change takes time.  Some days you might take a step back before you keep moving forward.  Forgive yourself and keep trying. 

Rewards are also a great way to stay motivated during the journey from bad to good habits. Choose healthy rewards that won’t prove to be a gateway back to old behaviors, and congratulate yourself for even taking small steps.  You can also reward yourself by being vocal in your celebration.  You can literally rewire your brain by cheering, smiling, and clapping when you do something positive. 

As with any difficulty, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  To learn more about yourself and your habits, consider finding a therapist or support group.  You can also talk to your doctor about how to make healthy decisions.  They might be able to steer you toward the best strategy to break your bad habits and change them for the good. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/spring12/articles/spring12pg18-19.html

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/09/30/breaking-bad-habits

Coping with Change

Change is all around us.  From our first breath until our last, our lives will always be changing.  Our relationships, families, physical and mental health, jobs, communities, and finances continue to change, directly and indirectly affecting us. 

Trying to avoid change proves fruitless; it will always catch up to us.  Knowing a transition is coming can help us begin to mentally and emotionally prepare for a new situation. However, unexpected change is just as common.  Sudden negative events can easily become crises, and some may even prove traumatic.

Effects of Poor Coping Skills

Though change is not optional, your attitude is.  Attempting to avoid change or pretend it doesn’t exist will only harm you and possibly others in the process.  Poor coping skills to deal with the changes happening in and around you will negatively impact your body, thoughts, and emotions.  If you can’t cope well with change, you’re at a higher risk for symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Your overall physical health is likely to suffer.  Relationships with those you care about may grow strained and tense.  When you can’t effectively handle life’s changes it will only take a very small amount of stress to make you feel completely overwhelmed.  Defining your life goals and dreams will also become difficult and clouded. 

Positive Ways to Cope with Change

If you feel as if you’re not processing change as well as you could, be encouraged.  Your ability to cope with change, sometimes called resilience, is not a fixed value.  Bouncing back is a learned skill.  While some individuals naturally possess a greater resilience, you can increase your ability to positively cope with the changes that occur. 

Specific ways of acting and thinking will help you live a life that actually welcomes change.  You can also learn to adapt more easily to new experiences and environments.  The following tips are some strategies to help you cope well with the changes affecting your life, whether they are expected or unexpected: 

• Control- Learn to accept what you can and can’t control. We will spend an enormous amount of time and energy if we blame others and try to make them change.  If we constantly take another person’s actions personally, we can easily feel stuck in the situation.  The sooner we realize we can only control ourselves and not others, the more quickly we can bounce back.  Consider how you can take responsibility in the situation.  How can you change what’s happening?  What could you do to accomplish your goals?  Fix your mindset on the only thing you can control, and that’s you.
• Examine thinking- Sometimes when we feel stressed or anxious, our minds will go into overdrive. We might jump to worst-case scenarios or even imagine impossible or irrational situations.  However, slowing our minds down with some relaxation techniques will help us examine those wayward thoughts.  Focusing on the facts can help keep our thoughts and emotions under control.  This will also help you strategize where to put your energy and how to solve the problem. 
• Permission to grieve- Many changes in life take the form of losses. These can be positive, but even a good change can bring a sense of loss or sadness.  For example, graduating from college is a wonderful transition.  Regardless, you might miss the role of student, the environment or the friendships you enjoyed.  During change it’s important to allow yourself time to grieve what may have been lost such as a job, a title, your sense of security, a loved one, a pet, etc.  You’ll need time to embrace the change, take care of yourself, and possibly seek out support. 
• Timing- Being able to positively cope with change gives us the opportunity to look at past, present, and future perspectives.
  • Consider past challenges- One way to positively face change is to look back. This can serve to remind you of your ability to solve problems and adapt to new situations.  You can also examine these past experiences and look for areas of growth.  Ask yourself, “How would I handle these changes differently than before?  What strategies haven’t I tried before?”
  • Focus on the present- Both looking at the past and planning for the future have their value. However, remember not to lose sight of the present.  Take some time each day to practice relaxation exercises.  Focus on your breathing and senses to feel calmer and more ready to tackle new experiences.  Relaxation techniques will also help you notice your physical and emotional responses to stress and when to address them. 
  • Set future goals- Times of change are excellent opportunities to reflect on your values and purpose in life. Perhaps, you’ve been exhausting valuable time and effort on unimportant situations.  Having clear values and goals for the future help ward off the physical and emotional symptoms that emerge in changing and uncertain times. 

Humans were never intended nor built to weather all of life’s storms on their own.  Leaning on friends or family or seeking help from a medical or mental health professional can help you regain your energy, focus, and passion for your goals.  Support groups can also assist you in embracing the change, letting go, and moving onward and upward with your life.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:  http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

Daily Money Management Tips

Do you control your money, or is it controlling you?  Managing money can be difficult for many reasons. While there is no shortage of advice available to you, it can feel overwhelming when you are deciding when and how to start making smarter financial decisions.  You might also feel confused about how to turn long-term strategies into daily habits. 

What is Money Management?

Money management is sometimes used interchangeably with the term, budgeting.  Quite simply, it is a way to visualize how your money is being spent and how it will be used in the future.  Any amount of money after all outstanding bills have been paid is a surplus, and quite literally, money in your pocket.  When you extend yourself beyond your means, you enter into a liability, or debt.  Money management controls the inflow and outflow in your budget. 

Daily Money Management Tips

How do we start controlling our money?  By starting today.  In order to reach your long-range financial goals, there are small but significant money principles you can apply now.  Here are a few strategies to help you with daily money management and make you feel more in control of your financial future:

• Keep track- Record everything you spend for one month to see where your money is going. There are a variety of software programs or free websites that can help you budget.  Knowing where you spend your money, and what you spend it on, is a critical step in budgeting.
• Make a budget- Set and follow a monthly budget. Factor in big expenditures, like insurance, as well as everyday expenses, such as gas and groceries.  If you pay a larger bill once a year, divide the total amount by twelve.  This allows you to budget monthly for the annual bill.  It requires discipline to manage your money strategically, but it’s worth the peace of mind knowing the money will be there when it’s time to pay the bill.
• Pay bills on time- Know when bills are due by keeping a bill calendar. Avoiding late fees is an easy way to keep money in your pocket.  If you are likely to forget, you can set up a direct payment from your bank account.   
• Check bank statements- Avoidance is not the answer when it comes to your bank statement, so be aware of your balance. Checking regularly keeps you informed of what you have and helps you feel more in control of your finances and future.
• Change small habits- Look for small ways to cut out any daily expenditure. Are you grabbing a coffee before work?  Make your own at home.  Hitting the vending machine for your mid-afternoon slump?  Bring an energy-boosting snack from home.  Simple changes like these are almost like making money. 
• Save first- People often plan to save, but they might think about it too late. It’s important to establish an emergency savings.  Pay yourself first by setting aside money in savings.  This challenges you to spend strategically with what you have left.
• Reward yourself- Thinking of a vacation or a special reward may act as an incentive and useful motivator to keep saving and reduce spending. Focus on what you can do with the money you save rather than what you can’t do. 
• Know Your Weaknesses- There are triggers for everyone when it comes to overspending. Does the end of a stressful day often find you at the mall?  How about online shopping during a sleepless night?  Knowing where you are most likely to trip up and avoiding those scenarios is key to minimizing overspending. 
• Set short-term goals- Tackling debt, paying off student loans, or saving for retirement can seem overwhelming to many people. Instead, focus on some shorter-term goals that work toward those larger financial goals.  For example, if you have a $10,000 student loan, focus on saving $1,000 and applying it to that debt.  Achieving smaller goals gives you the positive energy and momentum you need to make big dreams seem attainable. 
• Identify emotions- Just because you might make a poor financial choice today does not make you a failure. Guilt is not a helpful emotion.  Focus on what you can change, rather than beating yourself up for past financial mistakes.  Recognizing unhealthy and negative emotions will help keep your goals in focus and your mind in the right perspective. 
• Give- Perhaps, the greatest money managing strategy is to give some of it away to a non-profit organization or charity of your choice. Consider doing something meaningful and lasting with a portion of your income.  Not only will you feel good, it allows your money to work for many more people than just yourself and family. 

Applying these simple money-managing tools really does add up to significant change.  While money may not buy happiness, using it wisely does alleviate unnecessary strain and stress. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/financial-literacy/12-steps-home.asp

http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2012/08/29/10-common-money-management-mistakes-that-youre-probably-making/

Communication Skills

Communication happens all around us, and it’s more than mere words.  Communication comprises the messages and signals we send to others as well as the ones we receive.  Our verbal words are only a small percentage of the message that’s communicated.  Our nonverbal signals, such as tone, eye contact, and body language, make up the rest. 

Every day is an opportunity to grow in our verbal and nonverbal skills.  When we interact with our families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, we encounter values and opinions different from our own.  How we react and respond to these differences can sharpen our communication skills.

Communication Tips

Just like exercising improves our overall physical health, good communication is a muscle that needs stretching.  The more you practice, the better you will become.  Even in conflict, there’s an opportunity to grow as a communicator.  The following guidelines will help you improve your verbal, nonverbal, and listening skills:

Verbal Communication

• Stay current- Sometimes it can be tempting to bring up past wrongs or grievances in a conversation. This tends to make the listener feel defensive and shut down.  Stay in the present and only discuss the current issue.  It can be helpful to write down your main points to keep yourself on task.    
• Use “I” statements- Statements that start with “I” instead of “you” will keep the other person from feeling attacked. For example, “I felt upset when you didn’t return my call.”  This keeps the focus on you and your feelings about the present situation.
• Avoid trigger words- Words such as “always” and “never” are not helpful in conversation. For example, “You never come home on time,” is much different than, “I feel angry when you don’t arrive home on time.”  Trigger words have an accusatory tone, igniting unwanted emotions in the conversation.

Nonverbal Communication

• Make eye contact- People know you’re interested when you make good eye contact, as it communicates value. They will also be more likely to hear what you are saying.  Be mindful though, as some cultures have different norms when it comes to eye contact. 
• Be consistent- Keep your nonverbal signals consistent. Your words, facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures should all be sending the same message.  Saying the words, “I love you,” while rolling your eyes and slouching is inconsistent.  Mixed signals create conflict. 

Listening Skills

• Practice good listening- Avoid interrupting the other speaker or simply biding your time until it’s your turn to speak. Instead, consider what values you might have in common and which ones are different.  Finding similarities or shared interests increases sensitivity.     
• Be empathetic- Put yourself in the other’s shoes by practicing active listening. This style of listening, also known as empathic listening, seeks to understand the thoughts and feelings behind the words.  When we’re empathic, we respect the other’s feelings and display patience and honesty.

Help for Difficult Conversations

No one is exempt from conflict, and all relationships will experience disagreement.  Improving your communication skills will help you navigate through a potentially challenging conversation.   

• Avoid being passive-aggressive- Never use a third person as a messenger when a face-to-face conversation is needed. Also, avoid writing out a message that should take place in person.  Trying to ignore the issue or the person will only cause emotions to flare and delay a possible solution.  Masking your thoughts in sarcasm or insults is not communicating your message with honesty and authenticity.
• Practice self-awareness- Consider why you feel the way you do. If you aren’t aware of your own emotions and opinions, you won’t be able to communicate them with confidence and clarity.  And if you’ve had a stressful day, don’t direct those emotions towards the person with whom you are communicating.   
• Grow from criticism- It’s easy to become defensive when someone critiques or attacks us verbally. However, lashing out in return won’t solve anything.  Instead, listen to what they are saying, and consider their feelings.  What is your responsibility regarding the information they shared?  It’s possible to grow from someone’s insights even if presented in an unfair way.  Weigh the information, and then decide if you should accept or ignore it. 
• Take a break- Every problem may not be resolved in one conversation. It’s easy for our emotions to take over when we communicate, but it’s important to stay calm and use our best thinking when we talk.  Taking a quick “time out” or a few minutes to cool down can help us respond neutrally rather than react aggressively.
• Ask for help- Some conversations can become heated quickly. Having a mediator or therapist can help each person feel heard, and the presence of this third party can also keep emotions from escalating.     

Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in life, but communication is possible no matter what the circumstance.  Every day provides new situations to practice our communication skills, so take opportunities when you see them to grow as an individual.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2

Eldercare

The transition from independent living to assisted care can be challenging for the elderly and their caregivers, but knowing when to make that change doesn’t need to be a mystery.  It’s important to talk with your aging loved one, family members, their doctor, and other professionals before making a change in their living situation or their daily routine. 

There are a few signs that indicate a transition in housing or additional assistance might be needed.  These can include:

• Taking medication incorrectly
• Signs of physical injury
• Weight loss
• Lack of hygiene
• Increase in car accidents
• Feeling suspicious of others
• Increasingly forgetful and/or disoriented

Options for Eldercare

There are several housing and health care options for your aging loved one to smooth the transition process: 

• Staying at home- Your loved one might feel comfortable continuing to live in their original home or apartment. Or, perhaps they move to a retirement community where amenities are more convenient, but they still live on their own.  The older adult at this stage might have assistive technology to help with daily tasks, such as adapted bathtubs, phones, medical alert devices, etc.  A home health aide may come to help with medication, dressing, or other hygienic needs. 
• Assisted living- This environment feels very home-like to many older adults. Additional assistance is offered with meals, laundry and social activities.  Also, nurses and medical assistants are available to assist with medications and other basic medical care. 
• Continuing care community- Here, your aging loved one is able to move through the stages of housing. They could enter first into the independent living portion.  Then, the older adult moves to assisted living or nursing home facilities as needed.  These accommodations offer a continuum of care as they experience deterioration in health or greater needs arise.
• Skilled nursing facilities- Those who do not need to be hospitalized but still require 24-hour nursing services can benefit from this housing situation. There are also rehabilitation services available for those who are capable of returning back to independent or semi-independent living. 

Eldercare Legal Issues

It’s important to discuss end-of-life decisions before your aging loved one becomes mentally incapacitated.  An attorney can help you and the older adult talk through the legal options and responsibilities.  The following list provides some basic legal definitions that are important for you to understand:

• Durable power of attorney- When a person becomes incapacitated and can’t make major financial decisions, a durable power of attorney comes into play. This is different than a power of attorney, which is effective only when the principle person is competent.  A health care power of attorney acts as a durable power of attorney, making medical decisions when a person is incapacitated. 
• Guardianship- When the court declares someone incompetent, a guardian, or conservator, is appointed. This person manages financial affairs, makes living arrangements, and handles medical decisions.
• Living will- This is a written statement where the person gives specific directions on medical treatments after they are incapacitated. These often include what life-sustaining measures should or should not be used.  A living will also states if the person desires their medical decisions be made by the health care power of attorney. 

Planning for Caregivers

Caregiving responsibilities range in levels of involvement.  Above all, it’s important to keep communication open between your aging loved ones, family members, doctors, and yourself.  The following tips will help you plan for a successful transition to caregiving for an older adult:    

• Be honest- Having open and honest dialogue with your parents or for whomever you will be providing caring is appropriate. Ask how they would like their needs met, and listen to any concerns or worries they might have.  Recognize there could be a level of grieving your loved one experiences, as they come to terms with the aging process. 
• Make a plan- Distinguish between what is urgent and what is moderately important, and then prioritize your plan of action. Consider having an alternative option in case your loved one’s first wishes aren’t available or don’t work.  Seek out medical, legal, and financial advice as needed, and be sure to involve other family members in the planning process.  Your plan might include:
  • Housing and accommodations options, such as meal delivery, home health services, etc.
  • Medical history, physician’s contact information for the older adult, and informing the doctor as to who is serving as the health care power of attorney.
  • A contact list of your loved one’s support network such as clergy, friends, neighbors, etc.
  • Financial plans including income sources, possible liabilities, and individual net worth.
  • Legal plans outlining the location of all wills, living wills, and legal documents. Establish who is acting as the power of attorney
• Get support- Caregiving for another can take a physical and emotional toll. Start early by developing a supportive team around you.  Delegate tasks to other family members to give yourself respite and a chance to enjoy spending time with your aging loved one.

Caring for another has its challenges.  However, eldercare is a gift, both to yourself and the one in your charge.  Staying informed about the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of eldercare can help maintain a positive transition for all.    

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/caregiving-resource-center/info-08-2010/gs_new_caregivers_rules.html

Assertiveness Skills

Standing up for yourself and your beliefs is necessary for healthy relationships at home, work, and play.  An assertive person is able to respect the convictions of another while clearly expressing his or her own needs and wants.   

Types of Personalities:

Many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive.  While assertive people can respectfully communicate their desires, aggressive people violate the values of others.  Here are some common categories of communication styles:   

• Assertive- The ability to clearly communicate what you want is a sign of an assertive communicator. Assertive people will stand up for themselves if they feel taken advantage of or if their rights are threatened.  They also typically think before they speak, and might write down their thoughts before communicating them to another individual.  Assertive people are able to clearly express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions without disrespecting another’s. 
• Passive- These individuals tend to go along with the crowd. They avoid conflict at all costs and don’t want to be involved.  Because passive individuals do not value their own thoughts and feelings as much as they do others’, people will notice.  As a result, others may not necessarily value them either, and will take advantage of them.  Passive people can also secretly resent their inability to say no.  Relationships may become strained or even ruined from persistently saying yes. 
• Aggressive- Not taking others’ thoughts and feelings into account is typical of an aggressive communicator. They tend to be bullies and can become easily angered.  An aggressive person may get what they want in the moment by inspiring fear, but people will learn to resent them and become defensive.   
• Passive-aggressive- A passive-aggressive person may say one thing but mean another. These individuals don’t address situations upfront.  Instead, they hide behind sarcasm and complain about others behind their backs.  Others can become frustrated because they do not know whether to believe them or not.

Assertiveness Benefits

Being assertive has many advantages as opposed to operating as a passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive person.  Because you respect yourself and your thoughts others will see this as well.  In turn, they will respect and value your thoughts and opinions more.  You are also free to exercise the right to say no and not assume too many responsibilities.  In addition, an assertive person can enjoy these benefits:

• Less stress
• Greater self-confidence
• Better life decisions
• Job satisfaction
• Honest and open relationships

Assertive or not?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to assess whether you use assertive communication with others or not.

• Assertive
  • When you don’t understand or can’t do something, do you ask for help?
  • If you disagree with others, do you offer your opinion?
  • Do you speak with a confident tone of voice? Are you easily able to make eye contact with people?
• Not Assertive
  • Do people feel comfortable talking over you?
  • Do people assume you will say yes when they ask you to do something?
  • Do you frequently become angry with yourself when you are unable to express your thoughts?
  • Do people you supervise at work fail to follow your lead?

Growing in Assertiveness

Being assertive may not come naturally to everyone. Just because your typical communication style differs doesn’t mean that you can’t become more assertive.  Here are some practical ways to become a more effective communicator and stand up for yourself: 

• I versus you- Use “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements. For example, “I don’t agree with that statement,” instead of “You’re completely wrong.”
• Practice saying no- If saying no proves difficult, run through a practice conversation in the mirror or with a friend. Don’t feel like you need to give a long explanation.  Be direct. 
• Eye contact- Pay attention to your body language and emotions. You should make eye contact with people.  Stay calm, stand, or sit up straight. 
• No blaming- People tend to shut down or grow defensive if they feel blamed for a situation. While it might feel good to blame someone, it isn’t helpful.  The individual will not be able to hear and consider your thoughts when they feel accused of wrongdoing. 
• Trigger words- When we’re angry, we tend to speak in extremes. Avoid words like “always” and “never” when angry. 
• Humor- Do your best to keep the mood light. Laughter and humor are excellent coping mechanisms.
• Anger- Consider if anger is what makes you an aggressive communicator, instead of an assertive one. Anger management training and assistance might be a helpful resource.

An assertive person learns to choose their battles wisely because not every argument is worth it.  Holding a grudge is never helpful, so sometimes you have to let the issue go.  You may not be able to win every argument, and some people may not be able to hear your thoughts.  But when the moment presents itself, an assertive person is able to stand up, speak clearly and calmly, and be heard.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644

http://well.wvu.edu/articles/becoming_assertive__not_aggressive

http://cmhc.utexas.edu/assertiveness.html

Bouncing Back: Leaning to be Resilient

Resilience is the ability to adapt well in response to stressful events. In our lives we may experience tragedy, adversity, or real or perceived sources of stress. These events can occur in our family or significant relationships, workplace, health, or financial situations. 

Resilience is not something you either have or don’t have.  While many people are naturally resilient in some ways, it is also a skill that can be developed and even learned. With practice, you can learn behaviors, thoughts, and actions to help you bounce back after trials.

We are all still human no matter how resilient we are. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can train our mind and bodies to bounce back. When individuals find it too difficult to recover from hardship, there is a greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

Qualities of Resilience

What does a resilient person look like?  Typically, a person who adapts well to stressful life experiences is also a good communicator and problem-solver.  He or she is able to identify and control their emotions rather than be mastered by them.  Resilient people have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, believing in their abilities. They are able to set goals, make plans, and follow through with them.  They also don’t hesitate to lean on supportive family or other relationships like friends, support or faith-based groups, or mental health professionals, such as a licensed counselor or therapist. 

Building Resilience in Stressful Times

Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life’s challenges and setbacks?  Someone who lacks resilience may focus on life’s problems and feel like a victim.  Others may turn to unhealthy behaviors or develop a substance abuse problem.  There are genuine ways to improve your reaction to the life’s challenges.  Consider the following ideas as resiliency strategies:

• Build relationships- Reconnect with friends and family. Join a local support group or community organization.  Check out a faith-based group for support or to aid others.  Helping another person in need helps you find hope in your own stressful times.
• Be confident in decisions- Make a plan for change and stick with it. Worrying about problems or avoiding them entirely will not change your current reality.  Focus on your abilities, and trust your instincts. 
• Be goal-focused- Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you cannot do or control, start with small, attainable goals. These should be measurable, so you can celebrate your accomplishments.
• Accept what you cannot change- We cannot avoid everything in life. Focus on your reactions to stress and what you can change instead of the inevitable.
• Focus on the facts- Most of our worries in day-to-day life are about what could happen rather than what we’re actually facing. Sticking to the facts of the situation rather than your fears of what could be can help you focus on finding a solution.
• Discover what’s new- Every challenge you face is a new opportunity to grow. Do you see any positive traits you’ve acquired as a result or in spite of tough times?  Seeing challenges as an opportunity to improve your life can eliminate stress.
• Taking care of you- There is no substitute for proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation techniques. The more healthy energy you have, the more you’ll be able to bounce back.
• Laugh- Remember to laugh. Resiliency experts have found that the ability to laugh at life helps people cope better through difficult times.  Laughter can even ease physical, emotional, and mental pain.

The Benefits of Growing in Resilience

There are several advantages to building resilience.  One of the greatest benefits is the ability to learn from your experiences and see them as opportunities.  When life is viewed from this perspective it is easier to adapt to new situations and remain hopeful in the face of uncertainty. 

There are questions you can ask yourself to find the right strategy for learning to bounce back. Consider the following:

What stressful events have I already experienced? 

Who did I reach out to during these times? 

What did I learn?

What or who gave me hope?

How was I able to overcome? 

Finally, be courageous and ask for help when you need it.  There are support groups and programs in your community that can help you you in stress and crisis.  There are countless resources online and in print for bouncing back after adversity.  A licensed mental health professional is also an excellent resource to learn resiliency.  You don’t have to wait for a crisis to practice building resiliency. Start building your bounce-back potential today.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311?pg=2

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311

Bullying in the Workplace

Everyone is entitled to the basic right of human dignity in the workplace.  Yet every day, there are instances of workplace bullying. Bullying occurs when individuals or a group intimidate, shame, embarrass, or undercut another employee, causing harm to the employee.   This behavior can be a combination of aggressive acts over a period of time; presenting a risk to the employee’s health, work performance, and safety.  

When people are given power they can be tempted to misuse it, making others feel helpless.  Employers aren’t the only ones who bully.  Most workplace bullying is peer-to-peer, rather than supervisor-to-employee.  Coworkers, consultants, and labor representatives can also intimidate; and sometimes a group of employees will target another in a behavior known as “mobbing.”  Some examples of workplace bullying include:

• Excessive criticism
• Blaming people without gathering facts
• Being singled out in or excluded from group or activities
• Unfair deadlines or amounts of work
• Being the subject of humiliation
• Use of foul or offensive language and shouting

Bullying Versus Harassment

Though bullying and harassment both take place in the workplace, they are very different.  Harassment is the illegal discrimination of a person’s protected class, such as their gender, race, disability status, etc.  Workplace bullying is not considered illegal; and it’s important to be clear about what bullying is and is not.  An employer or boss can be tough, while still respecting the rights and thoughts of others.  Being firm does not equal bullying in the workplace.   

Corporate Bullying

There are times when bullying is embedded and accepted in the workplace culture.  This is known as institutional, or corporate, bullying.  In these instances, employers will have unrealistic expectations and deadlines for employees.  They might ignore employee complaints of stress due to workload.  Also, rewards or encouragement are given to bullying coworkers.  This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported to human resources, because when you fail to address the problem, you might be contributing to it. 

Negative Effects of Bullying

Workplace bullying hurts both the individual and the entire organization, and there can be negative physical, emotional, and social effects.  Individuals might face increased sick days, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, low self-esteem, depression symptoms, and problems with finances and family life.  The company as a whole can also experience negative side effects to bullying, such as a marred reputation, legal costs, low morale, staff changes, a loss of productivity, and replacement and training costs to bring in new staff.

Workplace Bullying Solutions

What can you do to help solve and prevent bullying in your workplace?  The following suggestions for the individual and the employer offer helpful tools to promote a safe working environment for all:

For the bullied individual:

• Check your handbook- Be aware of any policies against bullying in your employee manual or handbook. There might be steps outlined for you to take should the need arise. 
• Talk to your bully- If you feel comfortable, have a conversation with the person bullying you. Let them know their behavior is unacceptable and unprofessional.  This communication can be written or verbal.  It might be helpful to have a witness or third party with you, as the bully might deny their behavior. 
• Take notes- Keep a log detailing the offensive behaviors. Make special note of the times, dates, who was present, what was said, and what was done to you.  If you’re the target, be sure to keep accurate records of your work (timesheets, work orders, etc.) to defend yourself.
• Seek help- If you’re unable to solve the problem with your peer, consider going to a higher-level employee, your supervisor or employer, or human resources personnel for help.

For the employer or supervisor:

• Make a policy- Send a clear message in your workplace by establishing a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. Handle offenders swiftly and by the pre-determined rules.
• Raise awareness- Promote an anti-bullying campaign. People will feel more comfortable speaking up if there’s an atmosphere of awareness and they know they won’t be punished for being honest.
• Establish a contact person- Designate a human resources person who is unbiased and independent of the situation in question. Make sure he or she can listen objectively to all employee concerns regarding bullying and connect people to proper resources if they need counseling or support.
• Conduct focus groups- Consider sending out anonymous surveys or holding focus groups with your employees to gain information about potential bullying in the workplace. Hearing others’ concerns often gives employees the courage to speak up about their own experiences.

Workplace bullying is an avoidable situation.  Having good standards in place can help eradicate or prevent its occurrence, as well as provide a safe environment for the workers and employers.  If you or someone you know is dealing with the negative effects of workplace bullying, consider seeking help.  Many businesses have human resources personnel or a recommended counselor to assist.  If additional support is needed, contact your medical or mental health professional.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Files/Bullying.pdf

http://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-11-2013/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html

Caring for an Aging Loved One

With hospital stays becoming shorter and medical costs rising, more families have to make difficult decisions about their loved ones.  The aging population is growing; and while the details may be different, caring for an aging loved one is becoming commonplace in homes around the country.  Over 65 million Americans are currently caring for a loved one.  Of those caregivers, nearly two-thirds work outside the home in addition to tending to their family member. 

Caregiver Responsibilities

Caregivers help in many areas, including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and   administering medication.  Also, they often assist with helping a loved one bathe, eat, dress, and use the restroom, but there is much more involved than the physical care of an aging loved one.  At times, the emotional needs may be even greater.  Loss of their home, health, and/or brain function can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to both the patient and caregiver.  There might also be communication needs, where you are functioning as the spokesperson for your loved one.  It’s essential to be mindful of yourself and your needs as a caregiver; as caregiving places unique demands on an individual and on the family unit. 

Involving Your Aging Loved Ones

Respecting your loved one and keeping them involved in the caregiving process is both honoring and dignifying for them.  Long-term planning regarding medical, financial, and housing situations is critical; and your aging loved one should be included in all those decisions.  

Health and medical guidance from doctors, home health aides, and physical and/or occupational therapists will serve invaluable in the transition.  You might have questions about how diseases might progress, how to make your caregiving experience easier, and how to prevent injury to yourself and aging loved one.  Researching the growing number of assistive devices can also be very helpful, as this technology can allow your loved one to assume more daily responsibility, and to enjoy greater mobility in life. 

Communication with Your Family

Communication in any family is tricky at times.  Maneuvering emotionally charged topics, like caregiving, can be especially difficult.  Here are some proven strategies to help guide your conversation:

• If your loved one is battling memory loss, important conversations may be more complicated. Give yourself plenty of time, be patient with your loved one(s), and remove distractions from the room. 
• Clearly convey your point of view without manipulating or coercing agreement. The recipient of care should be actively involved in the process as much as they can be. 
• Listen carefully to others’ thoughts and ideas. Communicate and show respect for their thinking, even if you disagree.
• Plan important conversations ahead of time. Outline your main points, so as not to do all the talking.  Avoid blaming anyone or attempting to “win” the argument.  Remember, an honest and honorable conversation is the goal.  

Care for the Caregiver

While the task of caregiving holds rewards like precious time and memories, it also may take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.  You will only be able to care for another to the degree you care for yourself.  Some caregiver stress symptoms are fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep and weight, and losing interest or pleasure in activities.  Without proper attention these indicators place you at risk for depression and anxiety.  The following are some helpful strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:

• Use teamwork- Ask others where they would like to help, and let them. When family members choose their tasks they are more likely to stick with them. 
• Say goodbye to guilt- Guilt is never a helpful emotion. Not everything will be perfect, so focus on what you can do rather than the limitations.  Remember, asking for help is a sign of great strength and humility.
• Stay informed- Many nonprofit organizations offer classes about aging, dementia, and other caregiving topics.
• Keep connections- Family members may need ideas or help to figure out how to be involved. Maintain strong connections by keeping everyone informed. Don’t assume people aren’t interested if they don’t ask you for information.
• Update your doctor- Inform your doctor of your caregiving responsibilities so he or she can be on the lookout for caregiver stress indicators.
• Be healthy- Maintaining good sleep, eating, and exercise habits are necessities for you. Do not feel guilty or apologize for taking care of yourself.
• Seek support- Knowing you are not alone is vital. There are many support groups as well as individual counseling opportunities that specifically cater to caregivers.

Remember, caring for an aging loved one is a “transitional” time.  Essentially, roles are reversing as the adult child becomes the “parent,” and frustration and discomfort are common if dealing with an uncooperative family member.  While there will be bumps in the road and sacrifices to be made, the opportunity to spend this limited time with your aging loved one can be a priceless gift. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784

http://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/agingparent.htm

Children and Divorce

Today, around one in two marriages end in divorce.  The majority of these occur with children under the age of 18.  Because parents can represent security for a child, children can become scared and confused when they see their parent(s) hurting or distracted.  Therefore, many parents worry about how the divorce will impact their children.

Talk with the Kids

Communicating clearly to your children is critical during the transition of a divorce.  Otherwise, children often misinterpret the situation and accept blame, thinking the divorce is their fault.  When possible, try to have both parents present to talk with the children.  Without a clear, civil conversation, kids often accept the responsibility of trying to get the parents back together.  The following key points will help guide your discussion:

• Tell your children what is happening.
• Explain how this will and won’t involve them.
• Ask your children what questions or concerns they have.
• Share with your children what the end result will be.

Child Reactions

Extra support and additional conversations will probably be necessary during this transitional time.  Children may experience physical, emotional, mental, and/or behavioral reactions to the divorce such as: 

• Younger children may regress to childhood behaviors they long outgrew. Desiring a pacifier, wetting the bed, and experiencing separation anxiety are common.
• Older children can experience feelings of guilt, anger, and possibly relief. Depression or anxiety may occur, as well as withdrawal from family and friends.  These emotions may trigger them to act out their anger through aggression.   

Symptoms and Behaviors to Watch

You may begin to notice some more serious symptoms or behaviors.  Do not feel like you are on your own.  There are a wide variety of support services available through your child’s school, community organizations, and medical and mental health professionals.  Monitor your children to gauge how they are handling the situation, and don’t hesitate to educate yourself about the resources in your community.

If your child is showing signs of aggression at home or school this is an indicator of internal struggle.  Children may withdraw from socialization and no longer cooperate with tasks.  There could be academic or behavioral problems at school.  Specific emotional symptoms might include low self-esteem, moodiness, irrational fears and repetitive behaviors, and a minimal desire to communicate with one or both parents. 

The Next Step

Many parents who divorce often start out “parallel parenting.”  Here, contact and communication between the former spouses is often quite limited.  Though the parents may be heading toward the same parenting goals for their children, their relationship may be fairly difficult.  In time, parents often move to “cooperative parenting.”  This occurs when ex-spouses are better able to communicate with one another.  Scheduling events and making decisions about the kids are made cooperatively. 

Strategies for the Family

Without exception, your family will experience change.  To minimize the potential negative effects of divorce, consider the following points of wisdom for you, the children, and the dual-households:

For You:

• Acknowledge- It’s perfectly acceptable to let your children know that what your family is going through is sad. When you express this, it gives your children permission to experience their emotions without feeling guilty or confused.
• Support- Look outside your children for your support during this emotionally charged time. It is not their responsibility or within their capability to maintain your emotional health. 
• Respect- Remember, your ex-spouse is still your child’s mother or father. Refrain from complaining about your former spouse’s flaws and faults in front of them.  Likewise, arguments you have should remain private.
• Be direct- Your children are not messengers or spies between you and your ex. Be direct when you need information and go straight to your former spouse.  It is unfair and awkward to use the kids as a go-between. 
• Be reliable- Keep your plans with your child. Do not cancel unless absolutely necessary.  If the unforeseen does arise, sincerely apologize to your child.  Stability and trust are fundamental needs during the divorce transition. 

For the Kids:

• Prepare- Keep the kids in the loop as much as possible. Springing last-minute changes and decisions on them increases the potential for anxiety, instability, and strained relationships.
• Keep it simple- Complicated and confusing details are not necessary when you talk to your kids. Keep conversations regarding their father or mother short, simple, and factual.  Avoid your commentary on the situation. 
• Give permission- Communicate with your child that you desire them to have a good, healthy, and loving relationship with your ex. Unless there is threat of danger (i.e. emotional, physical, or sexual abuse), give your child “permission” to enjoy and foster that relationship. 
• Release- Clearly affirm that divorce is between parents, not parents and children. Reiterate it is not their fault and release your children from any feelings of guilt. 
• Reassure- The importance of your love cannot be understated. Reassure your children you will always love them and be their parents.  Divorce cannot change that.

For the Household:

• Manage finances- Conversations about household finances, as they relate to your ex, and child support should remain private matters. Financial issues should not be discussed in front of the kids. 
• Have structure- If possible, try to establish similar rules in both households. Structure communicates stability.
• Establish a routine- A good routine in the midst of change is helpful. Your child will feel more secure when he or she clearly knows what to expect.

Divorce is painful, but there is help available.  Be willing to seek out family counseling or support groups if you feel that your family could benefit from them.  You are not the first to navigate the rough waters of divorce; allow the experience of others to help you in this time of transition.   

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.aacap.org/aacap/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Children_and_Divorce_01.aspx

http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/children_and_divorce.aspx

Mindfulness

When we’re constantly busy and judging our performance in life, work, and relationships, we can easily become stressed.  This pressure and consistent negative thinking puts you at a greater risk of anxiety and depression.  Excessive planning and problem solving can be taxing.  Mindfulness is one way to redirect you away from these thoughts and start living in the moment.  A meditative and relaxation practice, mindfulness is focusing on the present moment and your senses.  Mindfulness reflects on these experiences in a non-judgmental way.  You begin to see the world around you through a new lens, and instead of seeing life critically you start to become curious.      

Why Practice Mindfulness?

There are many benefits to incorporating mindfulness into your life.  From an emotional and physical standpoint, mindfulness helps fight depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms.  Researchers have found that practicing mindfulness meditation may improve your memory, your ability to learn, and your self-esteem.  Redirecting your thoughts can help you feel better about yourself, take better care of yourself, and raise your mood.  Many times our minds dwell on past mistakes, fears, or even hopes for the future.  Mindfulness helps us to stay in the present and keeps us calm enough to practice good decision-making.  Our work life can also improve when we spend less time on negative thoughts.  Mindfulness allows us to be more creative and thoughtful in our work.      

How to Practice Mindfulness

Learn the meditative practice of mindfulness by following the steps listed:

1. Focus and practice good breathing. Begin by sitting up straight in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.  Pay attention to what it feels like to breathe in and out.  Relax your mind and dismiss other thoughts.  Notice your abdomen as it rises and falls with each breath.  If your mind does begin to wander, don’t judge yourself.  Gently redirect your thoughts back to the exercise.  If you are finding it difficult, search online or watch YouTube clips for breathing exercise instructions.
2. Pay attention to your senses. Focusing on your senses can help you feel calmer.  For example, find a piece of fruit and smell, feel, and look at the fruit.  Take a bite, chewing and tasting it slowly.  This practice can relax you and possibly teach you more about your relationship with food.  You can also try paying attention to your senses while walking outside.  Whether you’re in your backyard or at a busy street corner, you can stop and pay attention to what you hear, see, and smell.  Take a deep breath.  Direct your mind away from any negative or stressful thoughts and towards the present moment. 
3. Look at what’s familiar. Focus on an object you use or encounter every day.  Look at it with fresh eyes, in a way you’ve not noticed it before.  You might find a new appreciation for the world when you stop and truly pay attention. 
4. Listen carefully to others. Truly listen to people you’re meeting for the first time and those you’ve known a long time.  Hear what they’re saying with new ears.  Consider what they’re trying to convey and how they might experience the world differently than you do. 
5. Delay judgment. We tend to size people up immediately.  When we are slow to judge others, we may be less negative about the world around us.  This gives us an opportunity to discover what’s special about the individual and what we can learn from people.

When to Practice Mindfulness

The following tips will help you discover the best time to engage in mindfulness:

• Look for patterns. Do you find yourself getting more stressed or negative at certain parts of the day?  Begin to look for patterns to your thinking.  If you notice a particular event, environment, or time of day that triggers these reactions, consider engaging in mindfulness beforehand to counteract them.
• Find your space. Set aside a few minutes every day to practice breathing techniques.  Create a special, quiet place for you to relax.  Begin to feel yourself unwind.  A safe and positive place can make all the difference when releasing stress and tension. 
• Use every moment. Some mindfulness activities, like listening carefully and engaging your senses, can be practiced any time during the day.  Likewise, almost any activity lends itself to mindfulness, from checking your email to shopping at the grocery store.  Simply tune in to your breathing, your other senses, and who is around you.    
• Establish a routine. Mindfulness might seem awkward or uneasy at first.  However, as you practice it every day for several months, mindfulness will begin to feel more natural.  Researchers suggest committing to mindfulness techniques for six months to establish a solid routine.    

When you practice mindfulness, great things can happen.  Instead of mindlessly eating in front of the television each day to deal with stress, you can experience all this world has to offer.  In short, being mindful takes you off autopilot to notice new things with greater enthusiasm.    

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356http://newsinhealth.nih.gov/issue/Jan2012/Feature2

Managing Finances

With the average American credit card balance at $11,000, there’s no time like the present to start managing our finances.  Controlling personal cash flow can be difficult.  For most people, the number one problem with money management is they just want more, the higher the amount, the better to support the “buy, buy, buy” culture.  The other reason controlling finances can be complicated is due to the wealth of financial information available.  Knowing where to start can seem overwhelming. 

What is Money Management?

The term “budgeting” is sometimes used synonymously with money management.  Budgeting is simply a means to visualize how much money is coming in, going out, and how it’ll be used in the future.  After all your bills are paid, any surplus is “money in your pocket.”  Extending yourself beyond your means enters you into a liability, or debt.   

Financial Management Tips

If your desire is to control your money, instead of the other way around, there are small but significant money principles you can implement now.  Here are a few strategies to help you manage your money:

• Track your spending- The first step to controlling your cash is to track where it goes. Do you know how much you spend in a month on food, rent, utilities, and entertainment?  Write down how much money you use in a one-month period.  There are countless software options and apps for your mobile device to track your spending.  If you have bills you only pay once or twice a year, such as insurance policies, be sure to calculate what the monthly cost of those would be. 
• Make a monthly budget- Having a way to visualize cash flow is necessary for wise financial management. Allocate money each month to begin an emergency fund.  This can then be used for unexpected costs that arise, and it’ll keep you from having to accumulate more debt. 
  • Look for money drains- Are you losing money in ways you could easily avoid? Taking a little time now to price-compare for utilities, phone, cable, and Internet services can really make a difference.  Consider ways to trim your dining and entertainment budgets as well.  Pack your lunch, borrow movies from the library, and cancel magazine subscriptions you no longer use. 
  • Avoid impulse purchases- Buying something you really don’t need might make you feel good in the moment, but chances are, you’ll regret it later. If you don’t have the cash to buy it, you shouldn’t really be considering it.  Delaying gratification and shopping around for the best price can be exciting and rewarding.
• Save first- Deposit the money you want to save each month right away.
  • Pay yourself- When you deposit your savings first, it ensures you’ll actually do it, rather than seeing what’s left over at the end of the month.
  • Save for retirement- It seems obvious to save for the future, but we often prioritize the immediate for the long-term. Many employers offer matching programs for retirement or health savings.  Take advantage of this free money.  Today is the perfect day to start.
• Pay bills on time- Avoid late payment penalties and damage to your credit score. If you struggle to remember, set up a direct bill payment plan through your bank.  You can also make a bill payment calendar manually or through your mobile device. 
• Avoid credit card debt- If you’re unable to pay the balance on your credit cards each month, you should stop using them. It’s too easy to let your credit card debt grow faster than you can pay it off.  Instead, work on paying off the balance to avoid high interest rate charges.  Always pay more than the minimum suggested.
• Know your long-term financial goals- What are your future desires? Would you like to own a home, a new car, or help your kids through college?  Is there a certain age by which you’d like to retire?  There are a variety of tools available online to estimate these costs and help you begin saving for them today.
• Get your credit report and score- It’s important to periodically check your credit report and score for accuracy. Maintaining a high three-digit credit score can yield lower credit rates.
• Reward yourself- Having a special purchase or vacation in mind can be a useful motivator to making small, daily changes. Think about how it will feel to have a credit card or other debt paid off.  Consider how you can celebrate in a financially responsible way. 

If you’re not in a good financial place right now, it won’t help feeling guilty over the money mistakes you’ve made in the past.  Focus on the present and how you can make these simple, small changes to your everyday life.  Wise money management will positively impact you and your family’s life and future.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.patreasury.gov/assets/pdf/Tips-PersonalFinance.pdf

Managing Conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship.  From family dynamics to workplace environments, everyone experiences some degree of relational struggles.  Avoiding conflict, or merely pretending it doesn’t exist, will only make the situation worse.  In fact, how we handle that conflict largely determines the effect it has on our lives. 

We benefit when we pay attention to conflict.  Perhaps it’s pointing to a need for better communication or a change in how we’re doing something.  Conflict is also an opportunity to learn more about others and ourselves; we can even use it to grow as an individual or organization.

Conflict Management Ideas

The following tips for managing conflict will show you how to turn a potentially negative experience into an opportunity for positive change:    

Overall Attitude

• Stay Calm- You may not be involved in a particular conflict, but how you react to it can have positive or negative effects. If you remain neutral, your calmness can actually help people find a solution.  Otherwise an angry or frustrated reaction might add more “fuel to the fire” and escalate the conflict.  How do you stay neutral?
  • Avoid trigger words- Stay away from exaggerative words, such as “always” and “never.” Try to stay objective and refrain from emotionally charged words and aggressive nonverbal language like crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, or pointing a finger.
  • Use diffusing language- Speak with “I” statements as opposed to “You” statements. This wording focuses on the specific conflict and how you’re reacting to it. For example, “I felt nervous when you didn’t return my phone call because our project is due tomorrow.  I prefer that you give me updates, so I know where we stand.”
• Know you might disagree- People can often see the same event but have entirely different viewpoints about what happened. You don’t have to agree about the nature or source of a problem.  It’s enough to both acknowledge that the situation will continue to cause problems unless something is done. 

Listening

• Separate feelings from facts- When you’re really listening to a person, you can separate your feelings about the person from the facts of the actual problem. Avoid mentally labeling the person with negative traits.  Instead, focus on this as a specific situation you can help solve. 
• Practice active listening- Hear the words and the messages the person is sharing. Try to understand the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives behind their words.  When you open yourself up to active, or empathetic, listening, you can see the situation through their eyes.  Repeat back what you’re hearing to confirm whether you understand them correctly. 

Speaking

• Ask questions- When emotions run high, it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact problem. Asking good questions can help determine the nature of the problem.  For example:
  • What caused the conflict to occur?
  • What did you or the other person want to happen?
  • What are you afraid might happen? What are you afraid of losing?
  • Are your emotions appropriate for the situation? Too extreme?
  • How are you both invested in finding a solution?
• Discuss values- Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s perspective, you can still understand the motivation behind it. Chances are you both share common values, such as respecting others or doing your best work.  When you find common ground it makes the differences less intimidating.

Brainstorming Solutions

• Think outside the box- If you’re constantly arguing or hitting the same brick wall, your normal methods for solving conflict are not working. Get creative and be open to new problem solving strategies. 
• Be future-oriented- Avoid drudging up past grievances or staying locked on the current issue. When our time is spent trying to pin the blame on another we never move forward.  Instead, if both parties work toward a solution, blame becomes less important.  The goal is to not have the same issue repeating or causing the same consequences in the future.
• Be clear- Many times we’ll agree on a solution but have vague ideas of what that entails. When two people leave with very different pictures of the same solution, it’s a set-up for another conflict.  Instead, be sure to craft a clear solution that has measurable, specific steps toward the outcome.  Individuals should understand their role to ensure everyone’s on the same page.
• No unnecessary people- As a general rule of thumb, avoid bringing in additional people to the conflict. Venting about the person involved might feel good in the moment, but it will only add to the complexity.  Rumors can spread easily, and gossip only escalates the problem. 

Conflict can be a difficult situation in any relationship, but avoiding or reacting aggressively is never helpful.  However, with the right tools, a calm perspective, and an open mind, finding a solution and maintaining the relationship is possible.    

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources: http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution

Improving Family Relations

Every family is its own unique combination of people and personalities.  Even though they come in all shapes and sizes, healthy families have some commonalities.  A healthy family is comprised of people who love each other and are able to respect each other’s similarities and differences.  Healthy families also know how to compromise, and they are fiercely resilient; they bounce back after crisis and periods of prolonged stress.

Negative Coping Strategies

Obviously, not all families have healthy relationships.  Some members incorporate negative strategies for coping with stress.  Some examples are distancing, overdoing/underdoing, focusing on a child, or jumping into conflict.  These negative ways of managing stress harm the family dynamic:

Distancing- This unhealthy strategy occurs when family members avoid conversations together because they are concerned about potential conflict.  They stop sharing their thoughts and feelings and fail to spend real time together.

Overdoing/underdoing- With this negative coping method, one or more family members begin to assume the responsibilities of others.  When this happens, the remaining members decrease their efforts.  Family members can easily become stuck in this imbalance of responsibility.

Focusing on a child- To avoid conflict, some families will simply focus on a child instead.  When severe stress or fighting begins, children are usually the most vulnerable in the household.  Therefore, parents will focus their attention solely on that child to calm things down.  Their intentions might be good, but often the child reacts to this intense pressure and increased attention.  These children will typically begin to act out or develop physical or emotional symptoms.

Conflict- A final negative coping mechanism is conflict itself.  Some families will start an all-out war when they’re stressed, engaging in yelling and emotional abuse.  The smallest disagreement could set someone off, creating a hostile environment. 

Tips to Improve Family Relations

There are many positive ways to manage stress and handle conflict.  The following strategies for communication skills, relational values, and personal and family responsibilities provide simple solutions for improving family dynamics:

Communication Skills

• Communicate openly- Unlike the negative strategy of distancing, family members feel comfortable asking for help if needed. They’re able to speak up when they disagree.  If they see a different solution to a problem, they voice it.  Because conflict is unavoidable in a family, open communication is essential.
• Think before you speak- Responsible family members think first and then speak. Too often we automatically react to a situation based purely on emotion.  If we are able to create some space and consider the other’s perspective and thoughts, we can focus on responding instead of reacting.  Problem solving and compromise are much easier when they come from a non-reactive place. 

Relational Values

• Explore values- Family members won’t agree on everything. There will be preferences for different hobbies, tastes, or even political or religious views. However, there are common values that family members may choose to share and uphold.  For example, a shared value might be showing mutual respect for all family members.  Another might be to demonstrate appreciation for one another with acts of kindness.  Shared values become the mortar for a strong family foundation.
• Develop one-to-one relationships- In a healthy family unit, every individual has a solid relationship with every other person. No one teams up, complains, or gossips in a family member’s absence.

Personal and Family Responsibilities

• Take personal responsibility- Schedules today are often very full. Families can easily fall out of sync and become unclear about who is doing what.  Certain family members may take on more than what is required of them.  Others might be all too willing to allow that to occur, so they can have fewer responsibilities.  Conflict arises when one assumes another will handle a situation, and they don’t.  In a healthy family, individuals own their personal responsibilities and accept any consequences for failing to do so.  Family members encourage one another and hold each other accountable.
• Ask for help- Stress happens to every family. A strong, healthy family focuses on the positive in challenging times. Family members are able to pull together, share responsibilities, and problem solve.  If the family needs additional help, strong families don’t hesitate to ask for it.  Friends, neighbors, religious communities, or helping professionals all serve as excellent resources for families. 

The success of a healthy family largely comes down to being together.  When you make time for one another, you communicate that you care with more than just your words.  Make time to have fun and celebrate each other’s victories.  Listen to one another’s stories, thoughts, and feelings.  Make memories and laugh together.  When working toward the common goal of a healthy family, everyone has a shared interest in success. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/1229-strengthening-family-relationships

http://www.childwelfare.gov

Improving Communication Skills

Communication is all around us.  Whether we are actively engaged in conversation, listening intently for a newborn’s cry, or rolling our eyes in exasperation, messages are being sent, received, and processed every moment.  While communication is somewhat instinctive, effective communication is a learned skill.  It is more than simply swapping ideas or general information.  Effective communication also grasps the emotion behind the message. 

Mastering the skills of communication may improve relationships at home and work, aid in decision-making, and streamline problem solving.  Additionally, strong communication is beneficial when difficult or potentially controversial messages are necessary. 

Clear verbal and nonverbal messages, along with active listening, shape the skills needed for effective communication.  Active listening is the art of empathic listening, where one hears the spoken words while striving to understand what the other person is feeling, sensing, and thinking.  In active listening, you perceive the verbal messages and the nonverbal cues.  Verbal words make up only a percentage of what is communicated. Therefore, it is imperative to train yourself to understand nonverbal signals and become a master at active listening.

There are many strategies for sharpening your communication skills.  Consider these principles to help guide your speaking skills, body language and tone, and active listening skills:

Improving Verbal Communication

• Be assertive- The word assertive is often misunderstood to mean aggressive, however, when you are assertive you are simply stating your point of view. Being assertive eliminates bullying and may even decrease stress.  A clear response allows you to say “no” when needed and avoid too many commitments.  When someone is aggressive, the listener might feel defensive and reactive.  On the contrary, a passive communicator might be quick to over-commit by saying “yes” to tasks for which they do not have time.  Avoid conflict by communicating a straightforward, assertive message. 
• Focus on facts- Begin your conversation by describing what you see or hear in a situation. Be specific and avoid exaggerations and generalizations; smooth talking will not replace general knowledge.  Once the facts are presented you can then offer your thoughts or feelings.
• Avoid trigger words- There are certain words it is helpful to avoid. For example, it is much easier to exaggerate when emotional, so eliminating “always” and “never” will help to decrease the emotion behind those statements.  Also, instead of starting a conversation with “You,” rephrase it to an “I” statement.  For example, “I feel frustrated when you forget to clean the kitchen.”  “I” statements are accurate and avoid placing blame or guilt on another.

Improving Nonverbal Communication

• Stay present- When you are participating in a conversation, be aware of your distractions and watch your body language. If you are constantly checking your phone or watch, you are no longer communicating your attention. 
• Stay focused- It is easy to bring up past grievances or issues in a heated conversation. Nothing will distract you faster from your present goal than referring to past issues.
• Stay cool- Good communication might be a multi-step process, and sometimes emotions can run high. Take a time-out if needed to cool off or just refresh yourself if you feel fatigued. 

Improving Active Listening

Remember, the goal of active listening is to understand, to the best of your ability, what the speaker is thinking, feeling, and sensing.  Try to be empathic and really hear their point of view.  Active listening goes much deeper than simply hearing the words; you also honor the person saying them.  You do not have to agree with everything they say, but a good way to minimize conflict is to seek to understand and be genuine. 

Communication is challenging because each person in a relationship has his or her own perspective on what happened.  So perhaps one of the greatest strategies of communication is to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for them.  If you feel stuck in communication, be willing to ask for help.  There are some conversations and conflicts that simply cannot be resolved between two people.  Having a mediator or professional involved will help navigate appropriate and fair communication.  This might truly be the best option to maintain or grow a healthy relationship. 

Benefits of Improved Communication

There are many benefits to improving your communication skills.  In addition to bettering your relationships, effective communication may help boost your self-esteem.  Being able to clearly articulate thoughts, feelings, and needs demonstrates a level of self-worth.  You also might notice a genuine enjoyment for your job or other roles in life.  Last, being able to recognize your own emotions and those of others will prove an invaluable resource in your life.  Improving and fine-tuning effective communication skills can be hard work, but the results are worth the effort. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2

Relaxation Techniques

Stress is a natural part of life, and how we choose to manage it is critical to our wellbeing.  Knowing how and when to practice relaxation can help you manage stress in a healthy way.

The Stress/Relaxation Relationship

Sometimes there are interruptions in life, or adjustments we have to make, that cause stress. Our body is built to handle stress and produces physical, emotional, and mental responses to the event.  Stressors can serve a positive function, such as helping you stay alert to give an important presentation at work. However, continual stress without relaxation or relief takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

Our body’s reaction to stress is called the “fight or flight” response. Hormones are released when we encounter stressors, and energy pumps to our heart and muscles to take action. While short-term stress can increase productivity and performance, having a constant or hyper-normal stress response to life can wear down the body. Balancing our alertness to life and its challenges with activities of relaxation can improve our health and our minds. 

Relaxation techniques are intentional practices used to produce the body’s natural relaxation response. These skills slow breathing rate, lower blood pressure, reduce headaches and insomnia, and improve overall health. These activities are tools that will improve our quality of life if we set aside time to practice them.

Stress Symptoms and Relaxation Benefits

When the stress response is constantly activated in our bodies, a number of medical issues can occur.  Stress is a contributing factor to high blood pressure, irritable bowel conditions, hypertension, and even strokes, so working on reducing stress is a valuable investment to your future health.

Engaging and practicing our relaxation response results in limitless advantages. Some measureable benefits include better concentration, lower heart and breathing rates, and reduction in chronic pain.  You also might experience less fatigue, irritability, and muscle tension. 

Types of Relaxation Techniques.

To reduce chronic stress in your life, consider incorporating one or more of these relaxation techniques into your daily routine:

• Autogenic relaxation- Paying attention to your body is a great way to reduce stress. People who practice this form of relaxation focus on peaceful images or words while tuning into their breathing, heart rate, and physical sensations.
• Progressive muscle relaxation- With this technique, you slowly tense and relax individual muscles. Start with your feet and work up to your head.  This practice teaches awareness of muscle tension when you are stressed. 
• Biofeedback- There are electronic devices you can use to measure physical responses to stress. With instant feedback, you can take notes on what exercises relax you the most.
• Guided imagery- Begin by replacing negative images with positive, peaceful ones. For example, you might envision a day at the beach or relaxing in a hammock under the shade. 
• Music- Believe it or not, listening to music can lower your heart rate and blood pressure. Focus on the music and sing out loud if possible. 
• Laughter- Watching your favorite funny movie or catching up with a witty friend can be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak. Laughter lowers cortisol, your body’s stress hormone, and promotes brain chemicals called endorphins to lift your mood. 
• Gratitude- There is much to say for approaching life with a positive attitude and good perspective. Writing down things we are grateful for or even sending a thank you note to someone can help remind us of what is truly important. 
• Be present- Focus on what’s in front of you by using your senses. Practice being present in your relationships, at work, and by yourself.  Push aside thoughts about your to-do list, future events, and things in the past.  Try keeping your thoughts on the here-and-now. 

These exercises can be done alone or with the help of another person. If you’re not sure where to start, programs and classes in your community may offer activities that practice many of these techniques, such as yoga, meditation, and art therapy.  Consider downloading an app or searching for guided exercises online.  Different exercises work for different people, so keep trying until you find a technique that works best for you.

Relaxation techniques are most effective when they are combined with other tools for healthy living. Proper rest, a healthy diet, and exercise can all contribute to reducing stress. Consider asking a loved one or counselor for support.  Relaxation techniques are not a substitute for medical treatment in the event of an illness.  Seek medical attention when necessary and implement these helpful strategies to prevent and reduce the amount of stress in your life.

While relaxation techniques won’t eliminate the stress in your life, they will aid in managing your stress-load. Regardless of where you land on the stress spectrum, from feeling overwhelmed to managing your stress well, these activities will reduce the effects of stress on your mind and body. Relaxation techniques are low-cost, low-risk for injury, and can be performed almost anywhere.  There is nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

 http://nccam.nih.gov/health/stress/relaxation.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368

http://umm.edu/programs/sleep/patients/relaxation

Workplace Success Skills

Succeeding in the workplace isn’t just about what you do for a living but also about how you do it. There are certain skills, regardless of your area of expertise, which will benefit both you and your employer.  The following tips will help you develop your job skills by growing your talents, behaving professionally, and developing relationships:

Growing Your Talents

Regardless of when your formal educational training ends, be it high school, college, trade school, or graduate school, learning never stops.  Improving yourself with continual education will work to your advantage, so here are some tips designed to help grow your workplace talent:

• Challenge yourself- Bored people tend to lose momentum and motivation quickly. If you invest all your energy into simple projects you will feel unfulfilled.  Stretch yourself to reach your full potential.
• Ask questions- Clear away confusion on any task by asking for clarification. Avoid guessing or making assumptions.  Inquiring on the front-end of a project is better than doing a poor job.  You will also benefit from others’ knowledge and their mistakes. 
• Attend professional development events- Seek out trainings, workshops, conferences, and materials that will help you grow in your career and meet your professional goals. Try to find opportunities that excite you so you will stay engaged and be motivated to apply new knowledge to your work.
• Problem solve- It’s generally not a good practice to avoid tough situations or difficult tasks in the workplace. Tackling problems head-on demonstrates your commitment to being part of the solution.  Engage others to help you prevent workplace conflicts and work together to manage dilemmas. 

Behaving Professionally

Workplace etiquette is present in every organization, whether written or implied.  Acting in a professional manner will enhance your value to the overall team.  These strategies help you conduct yourself appropriately in the workplace:

• Be on time- Punctuality matters. Showing up late for work or meetings demonstrates a lack of interest.  Being prompt communicates you take your work seriously.
• Dress professionally- Even if some employees dress casually, take your business fashion cues from those who are dressed well and look professional.
• Watch technology use- Surfing the Internet and checking your social media accounts could work against you. Many people consider it rude to accept a personal phone call during a business meeting, so you would be wise to avoid this practice as a general rule.  It’s best to keep your personal phone on silent or in a pocket or purse.    
• Be clean- Keep your desk or workplace clutter-free and tidy. Be sure to clean up after yourself when eating lunch or a mid-day snack.  No one wants to wash extra coffee mugs and throw out old food from the breakroom refrigerator. 
• Check your wording- Keep your written communications professional with proper grammar and correct spelling. Be sure to use a person’s appropriate title as well.
• Only take what’s yours- Stealing or “borrowing” office supplies without permission will only reflect poorly on you. It could also result in early termination.  Steer clear of this practice, and don’t take what’s not yours. 

Developing Relationships

Working together as a team helps everyone reach their greatest potential and your workplace’s optimum success.  The following hints will guide you in your workplace relationships:

• Acknowledge others- When you see others doing a good job, tell them. Honoring an individual’s effort encourages the team and boosts workplace morale.  Never take recognition for a task someone else completed.  Give credit where it’s due. 
• Check body language- Answering phone calls with a bored or depressed tone of voice, not smiling, and slouching in meetings can send a negative message to your colleagues and customers. Poor body language can also lower your own confidence and mood. 
• Find mentors- Seek out an experienced coworker to provide guidance and feedback on your job performance. Your mentor doesn’t need to be your boss, just someone whose experience can benefit you and your goals.
• Avoid gossip- Try to avoid saying negative things about someone in their absence. Participating in workplace gossip (even listening to it) is damaging to your reputation and can create a hostile work environment.  Try walking away or redirecting the conversation to mention a positive attribute of the individual being discussed.   
• Don’t confront in public- If you’re experiencing conflict with a coworker, bringing it up in public or in a group meeting is not the place. Instead, approach the individual respectfully with your concerns.  Share facts and be willing to listen in return.  This will help keep the issue or problem from escalating.
• Develop one-to-one relationships- Even if you don’t encounter certain people regularly, do your best to learn their name and what they do. Discovering their interests, hobbies, or other facts about them demonstrates your respect.  When you take an overall interest in another’s well being, they will be more likely to provide you with help in the future. 

One of the best ways to succeed in your workplace is to show drive and initiative.  Completing the minimum requirement for your job is acceptable, but it’s not admirable.  Show your employer your dedication with a strong work ethic and commitment to their company, and you will be on the path to success.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.luc.edu/soc/resources/succeedingintheworkplace/

http://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/aacc/succeeding-workplace

Workplace Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable.  Wherever there is relationship, there will always be occasional moments of friction.  Workplace conflict does not always signal a serious problem.  However, failure to handle conflict in a productive way will make the situation worse. The end result is usually lower team morale, higher absentee rates, and lower productivity.  Many times when conflict occurs we gravitate to one of two extremes, either avoiding it or battling it out.  This rarely results in conflict resolution.

Conflict Causes

What are the causes of conflict?  There are as many potential conflicts as there are unique personalities present in your workplace.  There really are endless reasons for conflict to arise, but the most common ones are listed here:

• Lack of communication- People have different styles of communicating and relaying information. Misunderstandings can easily happen in person and over email.
• Different personalities- Personalities may clash when people don’t understand each other well. The problem itself is not the differences, but the unwillingness to recognize them.
• Lack of motivation- Sometimes people aren’t performing well and don’t really care. When this goes unaddressed, conflict ensues.
• Lack of resources- Occasionally, people will compete for resources when there is not enough time or materials to get every task finished.
• Different values- People view the world in different ways. Failing to acknowledge and respect these differences results in conflict. 
• Ignoring facts- Viewing situations from emotion and opinion rather than accepting facts will bring difficulty for you and your coworkers.

Dealing with Conflict

There are healthy and unhealthy ways of handling conflict.  Some unhealthy ways include avoiding conflict, blaming others or circumstances, competing with one another, appeasing others, and giving in to others for a temporary solution.  A healthier approach toward conflict resolution is to compromise and collaborate toward a positive result.  

Positive Resolution Strategies

The obvious goal is a unified approach to optimal performance within the workplace.  When resolutions are reached, everyone wins.  Getting there can be difficult, so here are some practical steps to help you reach positive results. 

• Focus on results- The ultimate goal when conflict arises is not to “win your argument.” The purpose is to resolve the issue and get results. 
• Communicate in-person- Conflicts should be addressed face-to-face. A phone call is the next best option if an in-person meeting is not possible.  Avoid emails or written correspondence, as these usually lead to greater misunderstanding.
• Be proactive- Try to catch conflict “sparks” before they blaze out of control. Identify potential triggers and address them early, on the front-end.  This is especially helpful before tempers flare.

The following steps will help lead you toward a positive resolution:

1. Define the problem- It’s important to verbalize what you think is causing the conflict. This helps others understand your perspective, and allowing others to do the same gives greater insight into their thought processes as well.
2. Define motivations- Next, everyone should share why they want to resolve this conflict. Explain how resolution will make a difference in their lives and in the workplace as a whole.
3. Brainstorm- Third, give each person involved an opportunity to express how he or she would like to see the problem handled.
4. Implement- Lastly, outline the steps needed to implement these changes. What does the end result look like? 

Play Fair

Here are some additional tools to stay fair when trying to resolve a workplace conflict: 

• Stay current- It’s important to stay on the present issue when discussing frustrations and problems. Dragging up past grievances will confuse the situation.  It will also add new, unhelpful emotions to the situation and keeps people from staying objective. 
• Avoid trigger words- Emotionally charged words, such as “always” and “never” only add to the brewing tension. Try to begin your sentences with “I,” instead of “you,” which sounds accusatory.  For example: “I became frustrated when you failed to meet your weekly deadline.” 
• Don’t triangulate- Triangles occur when you go to a third party to complain about the person with whom you’re in conflict. Gossip defeats the purpose of resolution.  It’s counterproductive, will distort your ability to be objective, and will make the other person defensive.
• Take a time out- You might need to take a step back to remain calm in the situation. Time outs are an excellent tool to keep emotions from taking over the discussion. 
• Find a mediator- Some conversations are just too difficult or heated without an objective third party. Having an extra set of eyes and ears in a situation can be very beneficial.  Many companies have human resource representatives trained in conflict resolution. 

Conflicts generally result from a clash of perspectives, so choose to view this as an opportunity to see things differently and experience growth.  Avoiding conflicts will not equip you to handle them better in the future.  The more you strive toward workplace resolution, the more of a problem solver you can be in other areas of life.  The benefits of conflict resolution such as improved relationships, increased productivity, and less stress, far outweigh the costs of conflict. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources

http://hr.colorado.edu/fsap/healthtips/Pages/Resolving-Workplace-Conflict.aspx

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/

Volunteering and Mentoring

Donating your time, expertise, and service for the good of another is the essence of volunteerism.  While the concept is increasing in popularity and trending among all age groups, volunteerism is rich in history, spanning from the battlefield to the inner city streets.  Its focus has remained the same through the generations—to encourage goodness and improvement in humanity’s quality of life.   

The Faces Behind Volunteerism

There are as many ways to volunteer your time as there are organizations that welcome it.  Volunteering is not only a “feel-good” activity but an integral part of our communities as well.  More than 60 million Americans serve as volunteers or mentors, donating more than eight billion hours of service each year. 

With all that help, do they really need more?  How would one more person really make a difference?  Consider for a moment what would happen if volunteers just stopped serving.  Homeless shelters would close.  Food pantries would be empty.  Community parks would be full of trash.  The elderly might be forgotten.  The visually impaired might not have trained service animals.  Afterschool programs would cease to exist, leaving countless children susceptible to life on the streets.  Without volunteers, the impact on our towns, schools, parks, museums, and faith-based institutions would be catastrophic. 

What Do Volunteers Do?

Volunteers provide a variety of services and support throughout our nation.  Some of the activities in which volunteers and mentors participate include answering phones, delivering meals, serving as volunteer firefighters and emergency medical technicians, working on political campaigns, caring and training animals, building homes and infrastructure, beautifying parks, and assisting with arts and cultural exhibits. 

Volunteers who provide support and guidance to young people are known as mentors, and while mentoring can be a much bigger commitment than other types of service, it can also be even more rewarding.  Check with your local schools, community non-profits, or faith community to find out more about mentoring opportunities and how you can start.

Why Volunteer?

Being able to make a difference in the life of another, and often your own as well, is one of the greatest advantages of volunteerism.  It is also a healthy way to cope after the news of a disaster or tragedy of some kind.  Believing it is a valuable part of education, many high schools across the country require students to volunteer a certain amount of hours in order to graduate.  In addition, there are many other reasons to donate your time:

• Promote health- Research shows that focusing on another and helping them can reduce stress and interrupt your body’s patterns of tension. In addition, volunteers note an increase in overall happiness and pride.
• Build relationships- A community is only as strong as its people. Friendships often emerge from volunteering, and neighborhoods grow closer.  Every person counts, and each volunteer makes a difference.     
• Deepen Values- For many volunteers, the experience alone is enough to reshape, redirect, or further deepen their core values, perspectives, and life goals. It may even spur on greater spiritual and/or emotional growth.
• Increase purpose- Many a successful businessman or woman has confessed to feeling “empty,” despite reaching the top of his or her career. Volunteering is a means to engage in a truly life changing experience where one finds meaning and purpose. 
• Prepare for a career- Opportunities to experience a trade before investing a lot of time and money for the formal training can be an invaluable exploratory tool. Try out a variety of volunteer jobs and gain valuable experience you might need for a career in that field.  You also might connect with a future employer or make a solid networking connection.  In addition, volunteer experience is an asset on any résumé, job or college application. 
• Encourage learning- You can develop a variety of skills and passions from volunteering. Receiving and giving training demonstrates your ability to be a good student and teacher.
• Save money- When you volunteer your time, the funds saved can be reallocated to other needs. The estimated value of a volunteer’s work in terms of average hourly pay is $15.39 an hour.  This amounts to considerable savings in an organization.  Volunteer work is valued at over $150 billion in the United States alone.
• Develop good citizenship- Becoming a volunteer makes you an integral part of your community and develops civic responsibility. It will also keep you informed about the news and needs in your area. 

Time vs. Money

There is no denying it; volunteering or mentoring is a sacrifice.  Anyone can write a check, but donated time is a great gift and a commodity we all have.  How are you spending yours?  You will never get back minute for minute the time you donate to volunteerism.  But most volunteers would argue you receive much, much more in return. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

If you are interested in making a difference through volunteerism, search out opportunities based on your interests and commitment levels at http://www.volunteerguide.org/. 

Sources:

http://www.idealist.org/info/Volunteer/Why

https://students.ucsd.edu/student-life/involvement/community/reasons.html

Time Management

Every human being has exactly 24 hours in every day, but how we spend those hours is our choice.  Our responsibilities can range from work to family to everything in between, and without time management, it can seem as if we all have too much demand and not enough supply.

What is Time Management?

Time management is how you prioritize your waking hours to increase efficiency and productivity.  At some point or another, every individual has to consider how he or she can best manage the minutes in his or her day.  Countless books, websites, seminars, classes, and day-planners exist to squeeze the maximum value from each moment.  Despite all the knowledge and devices we might own, sometimes it still feels like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish the demands.  This often produces stress, leading to additional strains. 

Time management is possible because time is relative.  While clock time is exact, depending on what we are doing, time seems to move quickly or very slowly.  Time is also relative when age is considered.  A busy parent packing for tomorrow’s vacation might feel as if they blinked and the day was over.  However, a child could feel ready to explode in anticipation and the waiting is nearly too much to bear.  Time, therefore, is relative to our perceptions.  Since it’s relative, time is manageable. 

Time Management Tips

There is no shortage of material when searching for time management tools.  Here are a few practical and proven strategies for timely success:

• Just like people keep a food diary to track their daily intake, consider making a time log for a typical day or week. Record the time you expend on thoughts, conversations, and activities.  Obviously, daily schedules vary, but this exercise will give you a greater understanding of where you are productive or wasteful. 
• Schedule an “appointment” with yourself to accomplish tasks. Set a specific start and end time, so you can look forward to stopping if it’s an unpleasant task.
• Take daily time to plan your day. This is one of the most effective ways to use your time wisely and remain focused. Schedule important tasks during your premium hours of performance to be the most productive, and consider giving your attention to phone calls or emails during a scheduled time.
• Clearly define the desired outcome for a conversation or activity. This allows you to gauge success, and you can find small ways to reward yourself when you’ve met your goal.
• Eliminate or minimize social media and other distractions while working. If your work allows you small breaks to peruse the Internet, get a snack, or take a walk, then schedule those times rather than using them to interrupt your work or procrastinate.

Time Management Principles

Organization- Despite the volume of time management information available, one component upon which most agree is organization.  Though organization might seem like a costly time investment on the front-end, the benefits will far outweigh the overall costs. 

It is nearly impossible to maximize your time effectively in a cluttered and disorderly workspace. Even with a well-ordered schedule, time will be lost searching for important documents or items, and tasks cannot be completed in a streamlined fashion. 

Prioritizing- As long as there is time, there will always be a “tyranny of the urgent.”  Some things may feel immediately pressing when ultimately, they might not be all that important.  There is a key difference between being efficient and being effective.  You may complete a multitude of tasks or answer many emails, but if they lack in priority, it’s somewhat for naught.  Consider the motivation behind efficiency over effectiveness.  Are you possibly procrastinating on important tasks simply to shorten a to-do list?

Goal setting- One can never underestimate the power of goal setting.  Without a clear idea of what you hope to accomplish you can’t possibly know whether or not you have achieved success.  Establishing a plan with clearly defined goals is critical for effective time management.  When goal setting, remember these key elements: goals should be specific, attainable, and measurable.  As you plan, you should be able to break your end-goal into steps and review your progress. 

Positivity- One should never forget the power of a positive attitude.  If you approach your goal thinking, “Why bother?  I always fail,” you will probably never succeed.  Staying positive and celebrating small goals will likely ensure greater victory in the long term.  When you make mistakes or are not able to complete your goal, forgive yourself and start fresh. 

Ultimately, time management is an art form and the quality of end-results outweighs the quantity.  Budgeting time seems more important than ever before with the pace of most people’s lives.  In addition to the satisfaction of time used wisely, you will also improve your goal setting, prioritizing, and organizing skills.  We all have the same 24 hours in a day, so how will you spend yours? 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/time-management

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/219553#

http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/time.htm

Teaching Kids about Finances

Financial skills are necessary for a successful life, but often people don’t start to learn them until they reach adulthood.  Personal finance and making smart financial decisions may not be included in your child’s school curriculum, but kids need to be taught about finances to prepare them for independence.  Parents should guide their young ones in sound money management as they have the greatest influence on a child’s financial practices.

Finances and Family

Kids learn by doing.  Research has indicated that children as young as three can understand the concept of saving and spending, and that children’s money habits are formed by age seven.  Therefore, it is never too early to begin teaching your children about money.  While it’s best to not share financial worries with your kids, talking with them about daily money decisions can be beneficial.  For example, engage in conversation about what to buy at the grocery store, where you shop, and how you pay bills. 

You can also show children how to handle money by implementing some form of an allowance.  Not every task should require payment, so it’s good to have kids do some chores simply because they are part of the family.  At the same time, paying your child for larger projects around the house can be a teaching tool for money management and helps to develop a strong work ethic.  Consider developing a “401” account where you match every dollar they set aside in savings.  Their excitement will build as they watch their account double whenever they choose to save instead of spend.

Lessons Through the Ages:

Children are ready to handle the beginning concepts of basic money management from preschool onward.  Consider these financial tips through the stages of your child’s development:

• Preschool Age Lessons:
  • Teach patience- Communicate to your child that we can’t buy everything we want right away, and that sometimes we have to wait. Every trip to the store does not mean a purchase. 
  • Separate- Help your preschool child divide up birthday or chore money between what is saved, shared, and spent. For example, consider labeling three jars “save,” “share,” and “spend.”  This also serves as a visual aid, since little ones can easily see the money separated between jars. 
  • Set goals- Work with your child to set a savings goal for something he or she wants to buy and then do regular check-ins to help them see how much they’ve saved and how much is still needed.
• Elementary School Age Lessons:
  • Teach limits- Your child should be able to understand that there isn’t an endless supply of money. There are real limitations, and you have to make choices about your spending.
  • Make decisions- Have your child help with a family financial decision. For example, allow your child to pick out some items at the grocery store.  Share the cost differences between things like name brand and generic, and individual items versus buying in bulk.  Give them a few dollars, and allow the choice to be theirs. 
  • Vocalize- Talk through some of the questions you ask yourself when making purchases, such as, “Do we really need this today?” or, “Is this something I can borrow?”
• Middle School Age Lessons:
  • Teach compound interest- Compound interest is when you make money, or interest, on both your savings and the interest you have already accrued. Teach your child about how to make money work for you.  Practice the math of compound interest with them and use online tools to assist with more difficult math. 
  • Teach restraint- Help your middle school child refrain from small purchases when they are saving. Exercising restraint to save for a larger toy or item is an invaluable skill.
• High School Age Lessons:
  • Compare- Show your child the differences between college costs and help them compare educational options. Teach them that education is a worthwhile investment in their future by comparing salaries of those with a high school diploma and those with a college degree.
  • Plan for the future- Explain to your high school child what your plans are to save for their future. Communicate your financial plans, if any, toward their college education.  This eliminates the guesswork regarding your involvement as he or she determines college plans. 
  • Research- There is a wide array of college grants and scholarships available. Discuss these options with your child, and research the pros and cons of student loans and the government programs available to help pay back that debt.    

Teaching your children about money is necessary and can also be fun.  One of the best ways to help them learn is to engage them in the financial decision-making activities in your household.  Simply lecturing about good money principles is not nearly as successful as hands-on experience.  As an added bonus, you might discover something that will improve your own financial planning.    

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/laurashin/2013/10/15/the-5-most-important-money-lessons-to-teach-your-kids/

Talking to Young People about Tough Issues

The intensity of today’s life issues can be challenging for any adult, so discussing them with an adolescent can be even more complicated.  Many parents feel inadequate talking through intimidating topics like sex, drug use, peer pressure, bullying, and teen pregnancy.  The following tips on communication, parental reactions, and responsibilities can help you navigate conversations with a young person about the tough issues he or she could face:

Communication Strategies

• Treat individually- Every child is unique and responds differently to tough issues. Consider where your teen feels most comfortable talking and expressing concerns and questions.  For some teens, a chat in their bedroom works.  Others might feel free to open up while riding in the car or out on a walk.  Just remember that what works for one child may not for all. 
• Share facts- Be sure to provide your child with helpful, accurate information. Do your research and don’t make things up in an attempt to scare or overwhelm them.  Share how to find quality information on the Internet and how to avoid false “facts.”
• Look for conversation starters- Be on the lookout for ways to bring up a tough topic. Sometimes a television show or news story can be a great way to gauge how they’re feeling about an issue.  Watch their body language.  Openly share your feelings in the conversation too. 
• Have multiple talks- Multiple conversations are best for difficult topics. Your teen might have more in-depth questions as they get older and experience things differently.  Therefore, it’s wise to not make tough issues a one-time conversation. 

Parental Reactions

• Spare the lectures- The goal is to have a conversation with mutual discussion. Lectures often scare teens and/or cause them to shut down emotionally.  When they feel heard, they are more likely to listen.
• Cut out distractions- Make sure you are in the right state of mind to discuss a difficult topic. To truly hear your child’s thoughts, eliminate as many distractions as possible.  This means silencing your cell phone, turning off the television, and giving your child your undivided attention. 
• Don’t assume- You don’t know what your teen does or doesn’t know about a topic. They may have misconceptions about issues like sex or drug use.  Quite possibly, they know much more than you think they should or would.  Most importantly, if they do ask you a question, don’t assume it means they’re engaging in the behavior.  They are coming to you in safety and trust, so making assumptions is a surefire way to jeopardize the relationship.
• Stay calm- When your teen sees you panicking and anxious about a situation, they’re less likely to open up. Remain composed by listening and asking open-ended (not “yes” or “no”) questions.  Make sure your tone of voice doesn’t sound accusatory.
• Model healthy reactions- Children are always watching us. They’re looking to see how we react to difficult situations (i.e. a death, crisis, bad decision, or another loss of some kind).  Our actions will give them far more information than our conversations will. 

Parental Responsibilities

• Share feelings and values- Your teen knows you have opinions, emotions, and values. It’s important to explain why you feel how you do.  If they know what’s important to you, they’ll be more likely to consider their own priorities when facing a tough situation. 
• See the big picture- When discussing good choices, it’s important to talk about what motivates that decision. Educate your teen about how making good choices allows us to lead good lives and meet our goals.   
• Do not criticize- Occasionally, you may overhear your teen talking about another friend’s questionable decisions. Be cautious not to criticize and jump to conclusions.  Walk through the potential consequences of that behavior and listen to what your teen thinks about the situation.
• Pay attention to media- Raising adolescents in a media-saturated world also provides unique challenges. For example, more than 75 percent of prime-time programs show the excitement of sexual activity, while only 14 percent demonstrate the risks and responsibilities.[i]  It’s important to be aware of what your teen’s watching.  Better yet, make some popcorn and share some screen time together.  Showing interest in their likes is a great way to build bridges for communication. 
• Follow up- Typically, today’s teens do more of their talking via text than face-to-face or by phone. Consider sending your teens a positive text to follow-up after discussing a tough topic.  There’s no need to feel intimidated or try to be someone you’re not.  Simply text as you would talk.  “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.  Love you,” is a great way to communicate your appreciation, attention, and love. 

Finally, it’s important to praise a teen when they are honest with you about tough issues.  Help them understand that having a humble attitude and telling the truth will minimize a possible punishment.  Remaining calm and nonjudgmental shows your child you’re a safe place and an ally, and they will be more likely to approach you with tough topics in the future. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-publications/info/parents/get-started/

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-publications/info/parents/conversation-tools/

[i] Strasburger, V. C. (2010). Sexuality, contraception, and the media. Pediatrics, 126(3), 576-582

Successful Single Parenting

Households where one parent is managing the family without another present are becoming increasingly common.  In the United States, the number of single parent families has doubled in the past 25 years.  There are many reasons for single parenting.  Some examples are the death of a spouse or partner, when two partners chose not to marry and only one raises the children, or when one parent is away for a period of time (military service, extended long-distance business, illness, incarceration, etc.). 

Unique Single Parent Family Challenges

There may be challenges and drawbacks specific to single parent families.  These can affect relationships, emotions, physical health and finances.  Single parents may:

• Help children cope with the loss or absence of the other parent
• Help children deal with past or present conflict between parents
• Handle custody and visitation issues
• Have less access to healthcare
• Experience less time with their children
• Struggle with financial resources

Single Parenting Strategies

Single parents and their children can grow up to be healthy, happy, and successful.  The following relational, communication, and personal tips can help single parent homes flourish:

Relational

• Support team- Single parents who isolate themselves and try to do it alone feel overwhelmed. Involve your friends, extended family, and other community members in your life and your child’s life.
• Asking for help- When you do need help, try and be specific in your requests. For example, if you need an hour to go to the gym or run to the store, ask for it.  Many times people want to help but don’t know how.  They might end up doing very little or nothing unless you ask for their involvement. 
• Child care- Finding quality childcare is a top priority. You should never ask a stranger or someone you barely know to watch your children.  Likewise, it’s best to avoid enlisting your oldest child to watch the younger ones.  
• Role models- Look for positive role models who are the same gender as the missing or absent parent. Avoid sharing negative stereotypes about men or women.  For example, “All men are liars, just like your father,” or “Women are money-hungry, like your mother.”

Communication

• Reassurance- The fear of abandonment is common for children when one parent is uninvolved or has died. Remind your children you will always be there for them and that you will never stop loving them.
• Open dialogue- Keep the doors of communication open. Children should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts regarding family and nonfamily issues. 
• No messengers- If your child does have contact or interaction with their other parent, never use him or her as a messenger. Avoid criticizing or complaining about your ex in front of your children. 

Personal

• Stay present- Do your best to avoid living in the past. Focusing on what “could have been,” past mistakes, or your relationship with an ex will not help.  Bitterness, anger, and resentment will only distract you and possibly model unhealthy emotions for your children.  
• Guilt- Worrying about how a single parent home will impact your child or about the extras you can’t provide won’t help. No amount of toys, clothes, or technology could replace your love.  Guilt is never a useful emotion.  Instead, focus on what you do have and how you can keep your child happy and healthy.  Spending time with your children is the most valuable thing you can give. 
• Goals and dreams- Motivated people are happier people and make better parents. Don’t give up on your personal goals and dreams.  Whether it’s finding a few minutes a day for your favorite hobby or continuing your education, pursuing your dreams will improve your life and help you be a role model for your child.
• Routine and traditions- Establishing new traditions and routines provide stability for your children. Holidays and special traditions give each family member ownership and events to look forward to throughout the year.  These can be as simple as a special plate at meal times or a favorite story at bedtime.
• Re-prioritize- Don’t beat yourself up about every aspect of parenting. You may not be able to cook every meal or maintain a spotless house.  Being a parent means readjusting your priorities.  Spending time with your children and taking care of yourself should outweigh other details. 
• Dating- Should you choose to date, consider waiting to introduce your children until you’ve established a solid relationship. The person should respect both you and your children.  Sometimes children need time before they warm up and trust a new person you’re dating. 

Finally, being a single parent doesn’t exclude you from taking care of yourself.  Keep yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy to the best of your ability.  You can’t be completely available to your children if you’re not getting proper rest, good nutrition, and regular exercise. When you engage in activities that give you energy and bring you joy, you model the self-compassion that will help you and your children succeed in life. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.wpen.net/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/single-parent/art-20046774

Self-Help Groups

When tragedy, crisis, or just everyday life cause problems to arise, people tend to lean on family and friends for support.  However, sometimes it can be helpful to be with others who are dealing with the same issue, life situation, disease, or addiction.  When a group of individuals who share a common problem get together to help each other heal, they form what is called a self-help, or support, group.  The term “self-help” implies that the group members provide support to strengthen the individual to cope and problem-solve. 

Purpose of Self-Help Groups

Self-help groups rely on self-disclosure.  As long as the participants feel comfortable, they will share details and information regarding their situation.  In addition, their feelings, worries, and attempts at healing or recovery are expressed.  When individuals hear another person’s story, concerns, or successes and failures, they begin to feel accepted and less alone in their own life and situation.  This is especially helpful, as many life circumstances, like a disability or illness, can feel isolating. 

Types of Self-Help Groups

There is a vast variety of self-help groups available today.  These can range from independent gatherings to programs that partner with a larger organization.  Locations can also vary, including individual homes, hospitals, places of worship, schools and other non-profits or centers.  Some self-help groups have a professional present to offer guidance and knowledge.  Others follow a peer-led style.  This type of support group is comprised of people who share the same problem or situation.  Many people enjoy this style because “veterans” can help those newer to the group share their experiences and what’s working for them.  In this approach, both the “veteran” and the newcomer benefit.

Self-Help Group Models

Alcoholics Anonymous is perhaps the most well known self-help model.  Its 12-step program was later adopted and refashioned for other groups, such as: Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous.  Respecting confidentiality outside of meetings is a central tenet of this program.  Groups are self-supporting and not reliant on outside means. 

Other groups, specifically those addressing medical needs, provide information related to living with the disease or illness.  You might also learn about who to contact or where to go for assistance and advocacy.  Simply networking with other individuals or families who share the medical situation can be a life-giving source of encouragement. 

People with less common life situations or diseases can find help through online support groups.  Also, if one desires complete anonymity, seeking cyber-support can be a good option.  Websites, chat rooms, and discussion boards offer 24-hour accessibility.  These allow people to support one another in their unique circumstances at any time of day or night. 

Joining a Self-Help Group

While a support group can be a wonderfully beneficial experience, finding the right one for you is key.  The following five strategies will help you connect with a group to meet your individual needs:

1. Ask a professional- The internet is an excellent tool for finding a self-help group. However, some websites might not be as current on all the local resources.  Try talking to your physician, counselor, or therapist for their recommendation for a great fit.  If they’ve referred other patients or clients to a specific group, they might have feedback to help you make a more informed decision.
2. Stay positive- Every group is unique and different from one another. Perhaps, you’ve found some strong personalities or intimidating people.  There might be some unfriendly faces or maybe the information wasn’t pertinent to you.  If your first experience didn’t prove helpful, don’t be discouraged.  Stay positive and continue looking for the ideal group.  No group will be perfect, but you can find one that’s a great match for you. 
3. Share at your pace- Participation in a self-help group is voluntary. There’s nothing wrong if you feel hesitant to share your story on your first or second visit.  You should never feel pressured to open up about information you’re not ready to disclose.  Even if you just listen, you can still glean a lot of helpful information from others’ stories. 
4. Speak up- There’s no question too small or silly to ask. If you don’t understand something or have a different perspective, it’s appropriate to ask or offer your input.  You’ll get the most from your group experience when you participate.  As long as you’re courteous with others, they will generally hear your question, concerns, or input with a mutual respect. 
5. Respect confidentiality- You will meet many individuals through your support group, some with fascinating stories. However, it’s inappropriate to share their experiences with others outside your group.  As long as it’s your story, you’re free to tell whomever, but be sure to respect your fellow group members’ privacy. 

Walking through life’s trials and struggles is difficult.  Sharing the journey with another makes it a little easier to handle.  The right self-help group can play a fundamental role in your healing and provide strength along the way. 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/support-groups/art-20044655

Setting Healthy Goals

Every day we make choices about how to care for ourselves.  Because the consequences of healthy choices don’t happen overnight, sometimes it can be difficult to make smart choices. We choose to fulfill our short-term wants, because we’re not quite sure how to plan for long-term goals.

Healthy change takes commitment and time.  Setting goals is the most efficient way to accomplish a positive, healthy lifestyle.  However, how you frame and specify those goals plays a huge role in the chances of success.  Learning how to make specific, measurable, attainable, and forgiving goals sets you up for the life you desire. 

Goal-Setting Strategies

Specific- Goals should clearly describe what you would like to change and how you’re going to do it.  Often times, our goals are vague and too broad.

• General versus specific- A vague goal won’t supply you with the motivation you need for genuine change. For example, you might say, “I want to get fit.”  What does “fit” look like?  How will you achieve that?  A better way to succeed is to be very specific.  How often are you going to exercise and for how long?  If you need more energy for your fitness goals, how much sleep would you like?  What steps will you take to get to bed earlier?  There’s a big difference between, “I want to be healthier,” and “I want to go for a 60 minute run, three times this week, so I will have the energy to play with my kids on the baseball field.”     
• Write down your “why”- Why do you want to achieve this goal? What is motivating you?  Write down what your life will look like when you achieve this goal.  This vision is more powerful than a general, vague statement.  This reason, the “why,” will be the motivation to keep running, stop smoking, continue saving toward retirement, or whatever your goal entails. 

Measurable- How will you know you’re making progress if you don’t track it?  The more you measure, the more you’ll encourage yourself to keep going and celebrate when you meet your goal.

• Keep a record- Write down your behavior or track it with an app. These clues will tell you how and when you’re moving toward or away from your goals. For example, if your goal is to lose 15 pounds, you might count your calories or track your daily percentages of vitamins and minerals.  Records can also help physicians give you helpful advice.  Be mindful though; your current health, weight, etc. do not necessarily reflect what you did yesterday.  Change will take time. 
• Maintenance- You might feel overwhelmed if you have many different goals in your life. Instead, think about the changes you’ve made in the past and the healthy habits you’re already maintaining. Goals seem more within your grasp when you look at what you’ve already achieved. 
• Rewards- When you set measurable goals and track progress, you will know when to reward yourself. People are more likely to succeed when they have small, frequent rewards instead of holding out for one, large prize. 

Attainable- Goals should be realistic. Think about your time, finances, and abilities, and set small, attainable steps toward the larger goal.  These might be daily, weekly, or monthly goals, so you don’t lose motivation quickly.  Too large a goal will seem overwhelming. 

• Short-term- Move in small, consecutive steps. Setting short-term goals as steps toward long-term goals allows for encouragement and rewards along the way.  For example, if you choose to pay off all your debt, start with one bill.  Concentrate on paying extra on that bill for three months by minimizing eating out or entertaining.   
• Connect motivations- Sometimes a larger goal will seem too large and stressful. Consider connecting two smaller motivations to achieve your larger goals.  For example, wanting to be healthy might not be enough motivation.  Maybe taking a vacation where you can hike mountain trails will connect two interests and help you get in shape.   

Forgiving- Progress does not equal perfection.  There will be days when emergencies or distractions occur, and you have to spend your time doing other tasks.  Make allowances and practice self-compassion. 

• Avoid self-comparison- Everyone is unique and accomplishes change on his or her own timetable. Working with others can be encouraging and beneficial, but it’s wise to steer clear of comparing yourself to a friend or colleague.  Others may have faster and better results with the same strategies and possibly less effort.  Remember, meeting your goals is about creating the life you want to have and not about competing against others.  
• Seek help- If you do feel stuck on your goals or discouraged, ask for help. You can avoid mistakes along the way by checking out resources and people who are experienced and have met similar goals. 

If you’re ready to get started, the best way to begin is to start saying your goals out loud. Tell people what you’re working toward and how you’ll get there. The more you share your goals and your motivation for a better, healthier life, the more you will believe you can achieve them.  

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

https://bewell.stanford.edu/smart-goals

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/lose_wt/behavior.htm